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The in laws

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#1 buttercup

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    Posted 09 June 2008 - 11:50 AM

    Ok, this might be long...

    My fiance's family is constantly a sore subject between the two of us. I feel as though we shouldn't invite his older brother Devan to our wedding. We found out that we were pregnant a few months back and his brother proceeded to say horrible things to my fiance about me and about our twins. Things like we should get an abortion, that they probably weren't his, that he is settling for someone beneath him. He made it quite clear that he doesn't approve of me, nor is he willing to get to know me.

    I'm worried that if invited and granted he shows up that he will cause a scene or even say something ot my family. I don't get along with his sister. I have a myspace and I generally don't pay attention to it but she goes over and has read every single thing on my page and has tried to use it against me to her brother...uhhh, childish. Also, she constantly talks to my family members and friends via the net, trying to find dirt on me so her brother will leave me.

    She also isn't accepting of the fact that we're having children together. I mean, when Kaid told her she worked it out all in her head and tried to convince him that they weren't his. I feel selfish for thinking this...but I mean, if you do it right you're only supposed to get married once and I just want it to be perfect. What do I do? Is it appropriate to not invite them? Do I just have to grin and bear it? ((sigh))

    #2 Maura


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    Posted 09 June 2008 - 12:04 PM

    its not really appropriate to not invite them unless your FI doesnt want to invite them. remember these people will soon be your family too, even if you dont like them. i suggest that you "defriend" her on myspace, or deactivate your myspace page completely to avoid her contacting your friends/family further if she is getting their contact info off your myspace page. eventually if you work things out with them and you dont invite them to the wedding, that will always be a sore subject and cause friction. for us, we invited all the family members, even the ones we hate, so as not to look like the bad guy for not extending an invitation. none of the people we dislike from our families are coming anyway even though we send invitations to them.

    aside from that, has your FI dealt with them and let them know the way they are acting is not OK with him? what is his deal in defending you? is he?

    #3 Yari

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      Posted 09 June 2008 - 12:06 PM

      This is so nuts! Why does his siblings dislike you so much?

      How does your FI feel about them?

      #4 buttercup

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        Posted 09 June 2008 - 12:15 PM

        Oh, he says he has dealt with it but it just doesn't stop. He is rather passive so I feel like he's just letting them walk all over him and me. I mean, my problem isn't so much with Kelsey as it is with Devan. Is it appropriate for me to sit them both down before the wedding and tell them how I feel?

        #5 Maura


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        Posted 09 June 2008 - 12:17 PM

        i think if you sit down with them as a couple, that would be most appropriate. then there cannot be any "she-said he'said" business afterwards. just MHO.

        #6 lucy106

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          Posted 09 June 2008 - 12:28 PM

          I unfortunately agree that because they are famly they need to be invited unless your FI says no. But maybe after the wedding you can express more boldly your feelings and how upset you are that they arent even taking the time to get to know you and that he isnt sticking up for you. How long have you been together? Have they acted like this the entire time? Could they be jealous? So sorry to hear you are going through this. But congratulations on your twins!!!

          #7 jajajaja

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            Posted 09 June 2008 - 12:29 PM

            I think you need to push your FI to deal with this. I doubt it will stop even after the wedding. If he doesn't stick up for you, it will probably continue.

            IMHO it doesn't sound like a civil sit down would solve much. To do things like that, they really have to dislike you. I doubt airing it all out will make it all better. They can continue on dislking you, but they need to at least treat you civily. There is a person in my family that most of us don't like. We do treat that person with respect but we aren't exactly buddy buddy with him. It can work out BUT your FI will have to play a major part in it working.
            Happily married since 2008

            #8 Chiquita

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              Posted 09 June 2008 - 12:42 PM

              Wow that's horrible the things they say about you.. yikes! I would definitely push FI to dealing with it. Does he really think things are okay?? Unfortunately I think you have to invite them if FI wants them there..

              #9 buttercup

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                Posted 09 June 2008 - 12:45 PM

                Yeah, they have been like this towards me since day one. His older sister just has no life and sits at home on myspace all day while her two kids run around the house doing god knows what, I think thats what her problem is. His older brother I think is just unhappy because he got his girlfriend pregnant then decided the right thing to do was marry her even though he doesn't love her. So I think you might be right, they are unhappy with their lives so they are trying to make everyone else miserable.

                #10 Hartyt509

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                  Posted 09 June 2008 - 01:29 PM

                  You need to sit down with FI and spell out exactly how upset you are and just ask him to listen. At the end of the day you are carrying his kids you are HIS FAMILY 2.

                  My in laws wouldn't dare do that to me mostly because they know I would punch everyone of their lights out - even so I can't stand them and his sister is NOT invited to the wedding!! However that was FI's decision which I was only too glad to agree to and if i'm honest I probably convinced him she was an alchy lush that would be a pain in the arse lol

                  Can not just elope come back and say we're married deal with it? Do you really want the big wedding? If not you have your answer.

                  You can only express your feelings but unfortunately you can't cut them completely out unless you are a horrible hard faced cow like me who has managed easily to do it lol

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