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Is this rude


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#1 DanielleNDerek

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    Posted 06 June 2008 - 04:17 PM

    This is probably going to be long, sorry. when my brother announced that his gf (his now wife) was prego my parents were really happy. they have been buying things like crazy, they redid my sis' old room into a nursery, and my mom even ended up throwing the baby shower. sil's friends were going to throw her a shower and asked my mom if she wanted to join in, of course my mom said yes. And then they proceeded to tell my mom that the mil should have to pay for everying and is supposed to be in charge of the shower. So my mom ended up doing all of the food, decorations, basically everything (of course me and my sis helped). But my mom was really okay with it, she just wanted sil to have a nice baby shower.

    Well my bro calls me Weds morning and tells me they just had a baby. i'm all excited and ask if my parents are really excited. He didn't tell them yet. He said he didn't want to tell them she was in labor because he didn't want them showing up at the hospital at 430 am. I was like okay whatever but i knew they might be a little dissappointed, they are dying to see this baby. Of course when my parents find out about the baby, they want to go up to the hospital right away. I go with them. it's about 4hrs after the baby was born, we get there and baby is in basinet, my bro is home, and sil is in hosp bed. She tells us that we can't hold the baby since it's sleeping. Which is fine and that we would have to step out when the lactating nurse comes by to show her how to breast feed, which of course we would step out. Well 5 min later the nurse comes by sil tells her she can wake up the baby and show her how to breast feed. So we are like okay we'll step out for awhile, maybe go down stairs get a drink but sil says to us that we need to go because she has to get some sleep. Okay fine, we go she's tired. I talk to my sis later that day and she said sil said she didnt' want any visitors at all the first day because she wanted to bond with the baby the whole first day.

    my parents go back to the hospital that night and sil's sis is there and than her dad walks in. And her dad says how he couldn't get any sleep last night after they called him at 1 am to tell them sil is in labor. and then sil's sister says the same thing. Both my parents were like 'we slept fine because no one called us to let us know'. but my parents were still like no big deal, they probably just didn't want us up at the hospital waiting for the baby. so they visit for maybe an hr and go home.

    they go back yesterday day to see the baby and sil friend is there holding the baby talking about how she just changed the babys diaper and has been holding him for such a long time, blah blah blah. So she's ready to hand over the baby to some one else, sil takes the baby and says to my parents that they can't hold the baby right now because she needs to hold him for a little while to bond with him again. After sil is done bonding she lets my mom hold baby and than my mom gives baby to my dad to hold. my mom goes to the bathroom and she hears the word "barge" come out of sil's mouth. my mom walks out of the bathroom and my dad says to sil "tell my wife what you just said to me". sil turns to my mom and says "I hope you guys don't barge in all of the time when we get home. i have to bond with the baby". My mom just turns to my dad and tells him to give the baby to it's mother, my mom says goodbye to sil and my brother (who btw didn't say anything during this).

    My mom is devastated, this is her first grandkid and we haven't had a baby in the fam for like 20 yrs. She would never stop in when they were home with the baby, she just thought since it was the first 24 hrs she could come see the baby. I felt really bad since i know how excited they were for the baby to come. And they've been asking my parents for favors like crazy and now they don't want them around. I don't have a baby yet, is this a normal reaction?
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    #2 stacey

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      Posted 06 June 2008 - 04:21 PM

      WOW.... I dont have a child yet, but to me this is completely unaceptable behavior. I am not even sure what to say. However, if I were in your parents shoes, my feelings would be very hurt.
      Stacey & Ely 10.14.2008

      #3 Spazz

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        Posted 06 June 2008 - 04:24 PM

        I have never had a baby so I can't say for sure, but honestly I have never heard of something like that.
        First off, there was no way that your mom should have had to pay for the entire shower and do all of that work. It was nice that she did, but as far as I know, that's not what's expected.
        Secondly, there is something wrong if all of SIL's familiy and friends are called and are allowed to visit and hold the baby and your parents are not. I don't think this is about her "bonding with the baby". She's singling out your parents for some reason.
        I'm so sorry for your mom and dad, that is such a shame. Have they ever had any issues with her before?

        #4 Maura

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        Posted 06 June 2008 - 04:24 PM

        danielle, wtf is her problem?

        your brother needs to address this with his wife STAT.

        YOUR PARENTS HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO BE THERE JUST AS MUCH AS HER PARENTS DO. if she is so concerned about bonding with her baby, then why did she allow her friend to hold/change/etc etc the child, but then not allow your parents? does she have some kind of issue with them?

        #5 jajajaja

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          Posted 06 June 2008 - 04:24 PM

          I know some women feel overwhelmed after they have a baby, but I also think it's important to let the grandparents see the baby as well. It almost seems intentionally that she is trying to leave your parents out- like her friends and family are ok but the other side isn't. That's ridiculous.

          It's also ridiculous your brother just sits idlely by. I would have such a hard time not calling him on it.
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          #6 lucy106

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            Posted 06 June 2008 - 04:25 PM

            Danielle, that is AWFUL!!! My stomach is just turning, that is so AWFUL!!! Sorry but your bro is a piece of crap for not saying anything, whats his deal? I think you or your folks should say something to him about her behavior and his lack of sticking up for them etc. I am so sorry for you and your parents that turns a joyful occasion just plain crappy!

            #7 Hartyt509

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              Posted 06 June 2008 - 04:27 PM

              Whoooaa

              I don't have kids but that is not bloody normal!! is she psycho or what!

              I know you have to bond with a baby but christ so does its grandparents! I know I've said to FI when we have kids his mother can stay away for a few days but thats cause she's an interfering cow who couldn't even bring up her own kids lol oh and I can't stand her lol

              Considering what your parents have done for her how dare she!! and your brother I'm sorry he needs a kicking for not stepping in, I know he needs to stand up for his wife but if its one rule for one its one rule for the other!

              Can you not have a word with your brother and tell him how hurt your parents are? There again if she is normally nice maybe its her hormones?

              #8 Jacqueline

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                Posted 06 June 2008 - 04:27 PM

                aw your poor mom :o( in my opinion i do think it was rude of her to say that. let the grandmom hold her first grandchild. she def owes your mom an apology!

                #9 DanielleNDerek

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                  Posted 06 June 2008 - 04:30 PM

                  I'm way more pissed at my bro than her.

                  I don't know what her prob with my parents would be, she's always asking them for favors and even got my parents a baby monitor as a gift so my parents could watch their baby. Now all of a sudden she starts to act weird towards them and it seems like she's like that with my bro's side of the family. Right now i'm so pissed i can't even talk to my bro or i will tell him to f off, which will probably make things worse. I don't know what to do.

                  My mom is trying not to take it personal, she was even going to have food delivered there today (originally she was going to make food and drop it off but figured that would be intrusive). I told her not to order anything because it would be too much of an inconvenience for them to open the door for the delivery guy.
                  ***Married November 6, 2008***Gavin Born February 28th, 2010***
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                  #10 Hartyt509

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                    Posted 06 June 2008 - 04:32 PM

                    After what they have just done!! God your mother must be lush - can I borrow lmao I'd stay out of the way for a few days and then when they start asking for favours call them on it




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