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Problem with bridesmaid


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#11 Copita

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    Posted 03 June 2008 - 12:25 PM

    Oh
    my
    word.

    What is up with these BMs from hell? Seriously I swear, at least 4 out of 5 of us have them! LOL.
    She is being a pain. If you offered to mail the dress to her and she REJECTED THIS IDEA (WHY!) than that in and of itself, speaks VOLUMES about her character.
    She cannot expect you to find a dress to fit her exact freakin size.
    Explain this to her. Tell her, What if I get a dress that doesn't fit you precisely, then what will you do?
    If she is still being a pain in the A... drop her like a hot potato. I'm sorry but she doens't sound like she gives a rat's behind and that is not cool at all. She sounds like a Debbie Downer. Ugh! Don't deal with her crappy attitude.

    #12 stacey

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      Posted 03 June 2008 - 12:41 PM

      My advise would be to let her go. There is no reason for you to have stress like this on you day. Seriously we need to start a my bridemaids suck, club.
      Stacey & Ely 10.14.2008

      #13 Yvette

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        Posted 03 June 2008 - 12:50 PM

        Quote:
        Originally Posted by Yari
        I am going to be blunt here...get rid of her now! You don't need extra baggage weighing you down. If she is not honored to be in your wedding then she doesn't deserve to be in it period.
        I have to agree!

        Quote:
        Originally Posted by Maura
        trust me when i say let her go. you can still be friends, but give her the option to bow out gracefully -- tell her you understand she's busy, and you dont have time to screw around tracking stuff down. if she cant fulfill her BM duties, tell her you still love her, and are sorry she cant manage her schedule to help out with her end of the planning (which is really to just get a fricking dress that fits, come on how hard is that?).
        maybe she is acting this way because she doesn't want the responsibility anymore. i agree with maura, give her the option.

        sorry she is stressing you out!

        #14 Hartyt509

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          Posted 03 June 2008 - 12:52 PM

          Dump her - if she's a PITA now she'll be horrific nearer to the time. I know its hard but you certainly find out who your friends are lol

          #15 jmiranda

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            Posted 03 June 2008 - 01:30 PM

            Honetly, I dont think she wants to be a bridesmaid anymore and she is trying to come up with excuses to get out of it. I agree with Maura give her an option. Just ask her if she really does want this and if she doesnt thats better for you because it will relieve you from the stress. But the reality is that she doesnt want to because she is not willing to do what she has to do.

            Jessica

            #16 Celina

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              Posted 03 June 2008 - 05:00 PM

              I agree with what everyone else has already said!

              Ask her to honestly tell you if this is something she can commit to. There are projects, showers and parties associated with your wedding. Best to deal with it now than to wait (like some of us) and end up scrapping plans later because she backed out or you get so mad that you kick her out.

              Good luck!
              "Love is not who you live with...it's who you can't live without"

              #17 jajajaja

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                Posted 03 June 2008 - 05:45 PM

                Ok screw the BM and MOH responsibilities. She is SUPPOSE to be a friend. That's a duty of a friend- not to be a pain in your ass. She's selfish (no matter what she has going on in her life that is so imporant.) If she didn't have the time to act remotely interested in your wedding, she should have been honest and declined the BM spot. You do not deserve her dragging her feet like a child and being a complete bitch.

                Wow- sorry I had a little rant there. But seriously, dump the baggage. She's not worth the stress.
                Happily married since 2008

                #18 Lagen

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                  Posted 04 June 2008 - 03:32 PM

                  OK so here's the update girls. She got her dress. Go figure!!! And now the other 2 (I have a total of 3 girls in the wedding) were told they won't get their dresses in time. Apparently Watters and Watters was lying to them when they said it was in the mail and the tracking reported it was in Texas a few days ago. I'm telling you....never order from Watters!!!

                  So, she has her dress and everything is solved. But, I'm still really upset and hurt. And now, I'm in trouble with her because I didn't acted excited enough when she told me she got the dress. She said, "I'm hurt that you weren't excited for me". WTF? My one dress problem just doubled into 2 missing dresses and I'm supposed to throw her a party 'cuz she got her dress?!?! Especially after the way she demanded I shop for her?!?!

                  So, now the drama continues......I was called manipulative in attempting to get her to go shopping. She also called me a bully and verbally abusive. HUGE words!! And just to give you a bit of background....I defintiely have a strong personality but I'm a clinical psychologist and empathy is my strength so these words definitely do not characterize me appropriately. And, instead of calling me to tell me this she IMed my fiance and told all of this to him - she's met him 3 times. So, now I'm pissed that she was so socially inapprorpaite as to say negative things about me to him and cause triangulation. UGH!

                  So, really the question now is do I not only drop her as a BM but as a friend? Should I really be ok with this? Upon talking she was NOT empathetic. And after I told her it would be very inappropriate to contact Todd again like that she said she would anyways because it made her fel better, despite irritating me. DRAMA!!! I don't think I'm confident enough to kick her out of the wedding or end the friendship....but I have a feeling in a few months after the next incident with her I will be and I'll be stuck with her in the photos. I feel stuck in some decision making limbo place. And I fear that I"m stressed and emotional and not looking at it logically so I don't want to make any impulsive decisions.

                  How did some simple dress problem get so out of hand?!?!

                  It was left that everything is ok with her, but I'm still upset. I just can't seem to let this go. Perhaps because she said yeseterday she was going to terminate the friendship if it weren't for my fiance........I'm not sure why his words are so powerful to her?!?!

                  So, that's the update. Drama, drama, drama.
                  Thanks for the support and for validating my position.
                  But it's not as simple as ditching her as a BM. We have a lot of mutual friends and I don't think I can handle the stress of the backlash right now from other friends and family...and I'm just not feeling that confident about it (don't want to be impulsive).

                  UGH - what a mouthful.

                  #19 Hartyt509

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                    Posted 04 June 2008 - 03:40 PM

                    You seriously need to kick her in too touch, she sounds like she's got major psych problems!!

                    I told my aunt she said "she's after your bloke" and I think she may be right lol

                    #20 jajajaja

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                      Posted 04 June 2008 - 03:52 PM

                      Quote:
                      Originally Posted by Lagen
                      Perhaps because she said yeseterday she was going to terminate the friendship if it weren't for my fiance........I'm not sure why his words are so powerful to her?!?!
                      Ok so I was in a really bad mood yesterday and went off about your friend. Today I'm much more peachy and I'm still going to call a spade a spade. Your "friend" is scum. A bitch. Every other bad word inserted here:_____. THe fact that she was threatening to "terminate the friendship" should be enough to see that she is really negative and not a positive person in your life. You do not want that kind of person around you on the most happiest day, do you?

                      I understand you have doubts that you will be strong enough to stand up to her, but come on now. It's not that hard when she gives you so much material. She is being HORRIBLE to you and you shouldn't let her get away with it. I would let her know that after considerable thought you would like to take her up on her offer to "terminate" the friendship. You deserve better. EVERYONE deserves better than that.
                      Happily married since 2008




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