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Lagen

Problem with bridesmaid

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Yikes, I would normally agree with Antonia but I just read the last update about what your friend did. Holy cow, that is so beyond her dealing with stress!!! NOT okay to IM your fiance to slam you, NOT okay to say he 'consoled' her about it or whatever and NOT okay to say she was going to terminate the friendship. AND WORST of all- not okay to say she was going to continue to contact your fiance despite you telling her not to. I don't think you need to have a big dramatic break up with her but you should have a nice, long talk to her in person and say it doesn't seem good for either of you for her to be in the wedding. I am assuming you will find out some sides to her story that you were not aware of and perhaps understand her better and vice versa - but her behavior is atrocious. I understand that weddings are stressful times but if it is to the point that she is name calling, backstabbing and threatening to end your friendship, I think it is safe to say she is not one of your 'best friends'. It shouldn't be that hard.

 

If you do have a talk with her, she sounds like the type that might not be reasonable and try to solve things amicably and save some level of friendship but I would hope so. Your a psychologist! Start with the 'when you did/said this, it made me feel this way' and she won't feel attacked and encourage her to do the same. If you've been friends for a long time and this is out of character for her, it could just be a snowball of mis-communicating (okay, and stress) that didn't get dealt with and can be resolved with some tears and a hug. Please keep us posted, we are with you on this one sister!

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Quote:
Originally Posted by sgrimm1 View Post
Tell her to stick her med school books up her ass, and let her go!!!!!
This made me laugh! :)
And it's so true.
This is what I call a "toxic friendship." B* is totally out of line and undeserving of even being invited to your wedding! Cut her out! Grr. Everytime I read this thread it gets me mad! LOL

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Wow, at first I thought she was just a little stressed with so much on her plate (even tho she agreed to do it), but now I just think she's a bitch. That update is crazy! I can't believe she said she was going to continue to contact your fiance after you asked her not to! I would FLIP OUT! I think she is a trouble maker and possibly wants what you have... a great fiance, so she'll try to take yours or atleast make you miserable! Dump her.

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This girl sounds like a horrible person. What kind of friend would treat you like this? If it is this bad now-imagine how bad it would be if she was a BM in your wedding! Has she always been so negative and such an awful friend? You do not need to deal with this negativity in your life, and you certainly shouldn't have to deal with it during your wedding. I know it's easier said than done, but you need to get rid of this girl. She is toxic!!

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I can't beleive I stirred up so much emotions. Glad to know i'm not alone here! FYI - this girls was always known to be "difficult" but I never thought this would happen. It's her personality and I should have seen it coming. After talking with my MOH and other BM I've decided to sit on it for a week and see how I feel. Both my fiance and MOH have said that would call her to tell her she is no longer int he wedding....so I'm very thankful for the support I'm getting from everyone. But, it's still hard. I'm not good at cutting people off. And, today I learned that she is going through all kinds of medical problems. SHe's lost 2/3 of her hair and her thyroid has stopped functioning. So, I'm sure her stress level is high. While this does NOT excuse everything, I am human and want to take that into account. Our health plays a huge role on our emotions and ability to functioning. So, perhaps I should re-evaluate the situation and talk to her some more. ANd, perhaps she's freaking out about being a bit bald in the pictures?!?! Maybe she really doesn't feel comfortable being in the wedding with what's going on in her life?

 

Who knows! I just don't want to act impulsively and I do not want to regret any decisions I make!

 

 

Thanks for all the comments and support!

Did you guys see the spin off thread about use of the "c" word......such drama I've started!!! smile120.gif

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That does make things a lot different. Some people are terrible at dealing with stress and those kind of medical problems can put you through the ringer. Great idea to sit on it for a week. She might come around and apologize.

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Wow I am just catching up on this thread and I really hope even though she has acted like a see you next tuesday that she is ok and if it is her health that is making her loco then she should have been honest with you and not reverted to a see you next tuesday from the get go if that makes sense?

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That's a good way to handle it. You are much better than me... I never sit on things and give them time. Things would probably work out better if I did. Hopefully everything works out with her health issues.

 

Oh and that see you next tuesday thread had me laughing... :)

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this girl obviously doens't know what it means to be a bridesmaid... or a friend for that matter.

 

i'd release her from her BM duties. You'll be better off without her.

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lagen View Post
And, today I learned that she is going through all kinds of medical problems. SHe's lost 2/3 of her hair and her thyroid has stopped functioning. So, I'm sure her stress level is high. While this does NOT excuse everything, I am human and want to take that into account. Our health plays a huge role on our emotions and ability to functioning. So, perhaps I should re-evaluate the situation and talk to her some more. ANd, perhaps she's freaking out about being a bit bald in the pictures?!?! Maybe she really doesn't feel comfortable being in the wedding with what's going on in her life?
Don't mean to sound hard or callous, (but I am lol) but so what everyone has horrible shit to deal with - she needs to deal with and stop being a total twat to you - its also not an excuse for being an arsehole!! my mum had to have a kidney transplant and was ill for years she never took it out on anyone once!!

Do yourself a favour and cut her off she is going to end up being a thorn in your side fencing.gif

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