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Problem with bridesmaid

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#1 Lagen

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    Posted 02 June 2008 - 06:25 PM

    OK girls. I either need a wake up call or validation. I have a bridesmaid who is stressing me out. We've ran into many dress problems. Our first dress came in for only 1/2 the girls so we scrapped it and ordered a second one. Now, there is only one girl without this dress and it appears as though she will never get it. It's a long story....but the lesson is DO NOT ORDER FROM WATTERS AND WATTERS!!!!

    My solution was to have the MOH overnight her dress to the bridesmaid and have her go shopping to find something of similar color, and possibly style. First the birdesmaid refused to have the dress mailed to her - didn't want to be responsible for it. Then she refused to go shopping and try dresses on. She said, "You go shopping and buy whatever you want me to wear and bring it to Mexico. I really don't care what I wear or what you choose. It's not important to me". I guess this is the problem. I want her to care! And, second....we all know how hard it is to shop for ourseleves, let alone another person. So, I'm not sure how she expected me to pick a dress that would fit her perfect w/o the option for alterations? I was really hurt by this. She kept demanding that I do the leg work. I offerred to find dresses in a store near her and then for her to drive to the store to try it on and she said, "I'll have to see how i feel about doing that. I just don't think it's my responsibility."

    To her defense she is in medical school and is very busy. However, I'm also busy planning a wedding and doing a lot of DIY projects. Plus, isn't the role of a BM and/or MOH to help when there is stress like this? Thank goodness for my other BM and MOH ....they were shopping and calling the Watters and Watters Headquarters within minutes.

    Ok, feedback please. I know the story is missing details....but am I out of line here? Would you be upset? She thinks I'm bridezilla for designating the job of finding her own dress?!?!?

    Honesty please! Our friendship rides on it. I'm frustrated and she thinks I'm being narcissistic and told my fiance today that she doesn't know if she wants to be in the wedding?

    Thanks in advance!

    #2 Yari

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      Posted 02 June 2008 - 06:29 PM

      I am going to be blunt here...get rid of her now! You don't need extra baggage weighing you down. If she is not honored to be in your wedding then she doesn't deserve to be in it period.

      #3 Maura


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      Posted 02 June 2008 - 06:35 PM

      Originally Posted by Yari
      I am going to be blunt here...get rid of her now! You don't need extra baggage weighing you down. If she is not honored to be in your wedding then she doesn't deserve to be in it period.
      sorry, hate to be the bearer of bad news but i totally agree with yari. part of her responsibility as a bridesmaid is to assist in the dress situation. she cant seriously expect you to pick something out and bring it to mexico, thinking absolutely no alterations will be needed... not to mention that sounds like youre expected to also pay for the dress if you arent already.

      trust me when i say let her go. you can still be friends, but give her the option to bow out gracefully -- tell her you understand she's busy, and you dont have time to screw around tracking stuff down. if she cant fulfill her BM duties, tell her you still love her, and are sorry she cant manage her schedule to help out with her end of the planning (which is really to just get a fricking dress that fits, come on how hard is that?).

      #4 Chiquita

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        Posted 02 June 2008 - 06:36 PM

        I was going to say this too... I would not have her as a BM. You don't need the added stress for someone who doesn't seem to care all that much..

        #5 cheese_diva

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          Posted 02 June 2008 - 06:57 PM

          You might consider bringing your MOH's dress to Mexico for this difficult bridesmaid and have your MOH find a dress that's the same color but perhaps a different style. That way all your girls are wearing the same except your MOH.. are they the same size/body style?

          What's with her not wanting to try on dresses? Maybe ask her if she still wants to be a bridesmaid? Is she doing to be involved in your shower or any projects? If not, what's the point of her being in your wedding party. She could just be there to witness and celebrate with you as a guest. Maybe she's regretting saying yes with everything else going on in her life?

          Don't let her stress you.. (I know, easier said than done!)
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          #6 Lagen

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            Posted 02 June 2008 - 06:58 PM

            Thanks girls! It's good to know I'm not totally off here. She's giving me grief about it and all I really want is for her to step up to the plate and be a BM like she said she would be.

            I appreciate the feedback. I think I will give her an "out" if she wants it. Her responses make me feel that she doesn't want to be part of it. And the funny thing is.....she kepy asking about being a BM until I finally made her one. So, she appeared to want it really bad in the beginning?!?!?! Just doens't make sense.

            Thanks again for the feedback!

            #7 MsSunshine

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              Posted 02 June 2008 - 07:28 PM

              I would certainly be hurt by that remark. She knows that you have alot on your plate with the wedding details. She as the bridesmaid has the duty of helping you with your wedding needs. I would just tell her "no thanks" and that you don't need her as a BM. How many BM are you having including her? She's lazy and is suppose to help you out regardless!

              #8 DanielleNDerek

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                Posted 02 June 2008 - 09:30 PM

                I think we need to start a new section in the forum "Pain in the A$$ Bridesmaids". The post have been multiplying. I think she's looking for an out, i'm sure medical school is really stressful. She should of just said up front that being your bm was going to be too time consuming. cut your losses.
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                #9 Dbld78

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                  Posted 02 June 2008 - 09:51 PM

                  I have to say that I agree with the other ladies... I would ask her if she wants to be in the wedding and ask her to be honest with you and let her know that if she doesn't want to be in the wedding it won't upset you...

                  One thing I've truly learned since planning my own wedding is that most people don't share your passion and people whom you thought were "good" friends end up disappointing you. I have stopped asking my bridesmaids to help me with things and not because I think they won't I just would rather save myself the disappointment of them giving a litany of excuses of why they can't. You really find out who your friends are when you ask them to be apart of your wedding!

                  #10 currier73

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                    Posted 02 June 2008 - 11:23 PM

                    I have to agree with the other ladies. The medical school thing shouldn't be an excuse. She knows how hard school is going to be and she should have declined in the beginning if she didn't have the time.


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