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MrsWtobe

In-laws....

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I am so sorry you are going through this, you sound very stressed. They sound like they are concerned for your finances and I'm sure they mean well but realistically it is your wedding and not theirs. You should stop telling them how much you are spending, my FI and I learned this lesson a long time ago. If they are not paying for it, then they should not be interjecting their negativity at every turn. I know it hurts that you can't share in your happiness with them but unfortunately some people are just like this. I hope everything works out.

 

-Glenda

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Quote:
Originally Posted by jillhigginsphotography View Post
I would either:

a) Try my best to not tell them about plans for spending money.

B) Try to figure out where they are coming from. It sounds like maybe they may have had a hard time with money and maybe they don't want to see you go down that path. Or...maybe someone else has not been financially responsible and then relied on the them (the parents) to bail them out. I know it's not really their business as long as the two of you are not being a burden on them, but maybe you could reassure them that you are indeed being financially responsible and not burning up the credit cards, etc.
Good advice!

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I think you have gotten great advice and I have nothing really to add. but just wanted to let you know that we are all here anytime you need to vent.

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I agree with Jill's advice.

 

And, I can relate to your concerns and feelings. My FFIL complains about everything and if he had it his way, he would control everything in our lives. So, I feel your frustration and my heart goes out to you. I've learned through my experience, to keep things between me and my FI. We'll vent to each other, but in terms of his dad's opinion and advice, we just listen then do what we want anyway. It makes it a lot easier. .....in one ear and out the other, as they say.

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Sorry that I am late to the thread, but please don't let your inlaws get you down. I had the same lukewarm response from my FFIL and his wife (not my FI bio mom). It was very dissapointing to my FI and myself becuase they had just gotten back from a destination wedding and were raving about it. When we mentioned that we were engaged , my FFIL actualy put his hands on his head and looked down (real nice huh). It basically boiled down to them wanting to control the wedding . So we pretty much have been ignoring them which has pissed them off even more. Our wedding is 3 months away and they are still procastinating on getting their tickets and are telling other family members that Jamaica is dangerous . Mind you, we gave everyone 2 years to save up for the trip so that it wouldn't be a burden but people really blew it off once we changed the location from the Bahamas to Jamaica. All of this to say, people get really crazy around weddings and funureals and want to work their crap out on you. They had their wedding so you should have yours and do whatever you want. I think we are both in our late 20's , but I think in our parent's eyes , we minus well be 5. I truly believe, when they look back several years from now, they will be embarraseed by their behavior. I aplogize for the long post, but this topic REALLY hits close to home. Good luck with everything.

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I hate to say it...but it just makes me feel so much better knowing that other people are experiencing similar circumstances. My FI hasn't spoken to his parents since last week when a major blowout ensued and it's just so stressful. Thanks everyone for listening and sharing their own experiences!

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It really does suck that you have to deal with this.....My FI and his dad have a weird relationship and his dad is VERY critical of him and every choice he makes. They have not criticized us or our decisions in front of me, but they certainly have to him.....It is definitely unnecessary stress.

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I think the hardest thing about all of this (and I'm sorry I'm going on and on about it---but it does seem to help a lot to get it out on here!) is that I just don't understand it. My parents aren't like this...I'm not like this...FI isn't even like this---so I just don't know how to deal with it. All of my friends that I talk to about it keep saying, "Don't take it personally"...but it's sooo hard not to! How can I not take it personal---this is suppose to be my new family that I'm going to be associated with, well, forever now. It's just so hard to accept people like this in your life that don't support you or root for you. Sorry if that sounds so harsh--I just have a really hard time understanding and dealing with stuff like this!

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I ask the same questions and have felt the same way. I thankfully am finishing my degree in Social Work beause I apply alot of the things I learned to my in law situation. I have tried to just go by the motto that you can't change other people , but only how you react to them. In my case, my inlaws were not happy at all when my fi moved in with me, so the engagement news was the nail in the coffin. They basically had and still have issues letting go of him. My fi has lived at home until he started dating me 5 years ago so he was the one everyone in the family counted on. Maybe your inlaws are having a hard time letting go of your FI. It is kind of sad, but my fi and I are planning on moving from NY to MI in November, so we really won't have much to do with them. It cuts my Fi really deep that he has always been there for his family, but when he needs their support , they really turned on him when they couldn't have control.

 

I do feel your pain, believe me!

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