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Dez921714

FMIL/FSIL Vent....

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Long story short (I started to type the long story, but it was too long) we are paying for FI's mom and sister to come to our wedding. I'm pissed about it but keeping my mouth shut because I want them to be there...for him.

 

I do think it's BS that we have to pay for them! It's not like we're rolling in money. I actually just picked up a second job to save for the wedding. We aren't paying for my parents or my sister nor did we offer to.

 

Anyway, I figured I'd vent here. I can't vent to FI, because it's his family and it will just cause him to get upset with them. I can't vent to my family because I don't want them to know we're paying. I'm kind of embarassed that we have to pay for them to get them there and we aren't paying for anyone else (nor did we offer). Oh, and his mom and sister aren't broke either!

 

God help them if they try to give us a gift...

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Yikes. No advice here but I feel for ya! That totally sucks and I would keep in on the DL with your family too. I wouldn't want them to get upset either. How did it come about that you were paying for them? Did FI just offer without your consent? Or did you begrudgingly say yes?

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I'm such a bitch, I would probably use every opportunity to remind them that we're paying and they're getting a free vacation.

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We suggested it so that they can't use the $$ as an excuse and we are saving money by getting married in Mexico...plus, we want them there.

 

FI has always had a rocky relationship with his family (he hadn't spoken to his dad in 8months when we met). Their relationship would be OVER if they don't show.

 

My sis and mom knew that we offered (I foolishly vented to them about the BS going on and now they have their own opinions about his family), but we figured it wouldn't come down to actually doing it....We offered, so we will pay, but I don't want anyone to know.

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That really sucks. I feel for you. I am even surprised they they are letting you pay. Are they just taking advantage of your kindness?

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I'm kind of surprised they are letting us pay too. When all the BS first started FSIL's issue was that she wanted to be able to give us a nice envelope, like we gave her at her wedding...and if they have to pay for a trip, they won't be able to...even though we've explained several times how we don't expect or want gifts! FI's dad isn't coming (viatnam vet afraid to fly and leave the country) and FSIL's husband isn't coming (different set of BS there, but whatever).

 

FSIL and FBIL will be buying a house this summer or fall. And I do understand that you need to save money to do that, but they've also lived with FMIL and FFIL for the past year (to save money)....so I don't understand how they can't come up with $1500 for FSIL to be there.

 

Maybe I'm being selfish, but I know what I'd do to be there for my sister and I know what she'd do to be there for me....so i can't understand when families are soooo different than mine.

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So sorry to hear you are going through this. It really sucks sometimes. I am shocked they are letting you two pay and not going to even offer to try and pay part of the cost.

 

I too would probably try to get a dig in about how you are having to pick up a second job to pay for a wedding that is meant to be cheaper. I'd also let the fact the budget went over 3K because of extra travelling costs.

 

However, they are your IL's and as my MOH told me last night, bite your tongue and realize you are stuck with these people for a very long time regardless of what you do. It will be harder on your FH is you do say something.

 

smile03.gif

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Ugh. Really ugh!

 

But, as was said earlier, these people are going to be part of your world for a VERY long time. So, as much as I hate to say it (because it's a pill I have to swallow, too), chalk it up to the cost of being in love and move on. Chances are your relationship with FSIL and FMIL will never be amazing, but no point making it worse than it has to be.

 

(Can someone give me the same advice? God knows I need it, too.)

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You are wayyy nicer than me because I wouldn't give my inlaws the steam off my shite (sorry was that too graphic blush2.gif)

 

My FMIL and FSIL are not very different from yours and FI has been told in uncertain terms his sister is not invited (luckily he agrees lol) and if FMIL wants to come she pays for it i certainly am not. If I could afford to pay for anyone it would be people I liked

 

I understand that you are getting a 2nd job to help pay for the wedding and I'm sorry but this would piss me off even more - not to be rude but its FI's family let him get the 2nd bloody job!!

 

It is difficult tho - I'm lucky FI knows by now I'll tell him straight and if he doesn't like it well thats tough, I'm never nasty or unfair just factual.

 

Maybe tactfully explain to FI the financial burden this is putting on you and I'm sure he'll see your point.

 

Sorry that turned into a rant lmao you are obviously a very very very nice person smile159.gif

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Why are you paying for them?

 

are they having hard times?

 

Please tell me that you are at least making them share a room?

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