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Marriage before children?

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#21 Kryztan

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    Posted 30 May 2008 - 11:41 PM

    Those of you who have had a baby before marriage will really understand this....

    3 months before my college graduation I found out I was pregnant.....UNEXPEXTED...and I was scared shitless! I was broke waiting on a loan and missed one week of my BC! But guess what the last thing I thought of was oh crap Im not married! Times have changed, now it really doesnt matter if your married first... All that matters is that baby is well taken care of and happy. It really doesnt matter how you do it. Baby just wants to know its loved! I think that most peoples ideal is marriage then kids. Having my baby is the best thing I have done up until this point in my life! She brings joys that you could not even imagine until you have one! I dont believe in JUMP THE GUN WEDDINGS BECAUSE OF PREGNANCY....most of the time it doesnt work!
    Anyway, it doesnt matter how happy you and your sig other are....having a baby is a real toll on any relationship (not in a bad way). You see how your sig other handles things. You agree on how baby should be raised sometimes you wont always agree. Sleepless nights, will you help each other out? Whos gonna feed baby this time? Daycare? Nursing? If a parent stays home to care for baby will other respect them because they are not earning a living. For some people these simple things could cause fights and make you wonder if you really want to be with the person. I belive that a child makes everything stronger! At the end of the day you sit with your family and realize how happy and lucky you are!

    Also, now that I have a baby and I know how easily I can get pregnant and knowing that my wedding is 2 1/2 months away I have been staying extra protective with bc!!!!!!! Just so that I do not have worry about re -ordering dress, clothes, etc! Also I would like to start my career that I went to college for lol!

    Babys are so fun!

    #22 vale

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      Posted 31 May 2008 - 04:02 PM

      When I was 18, I think I thought I would get married before I had chilldren, then at 24 I had two children 14 months apart but neither of us wanted to get married so we didn't. At 34 I had another baby, and still didn't want to get married then at 40, I woke one morning and decided I wanted to get married so at 41 with three children we are getting married. Until I woke up that morning I was adamant that I didn't want to get married but then, it suddenly felt right and other half agreed. I almost think I have waited this long so the children can be a part of it.

      One thing that did concern me, was that the children had a different surname to mine. It didn't bother me, but I was worried that they may have got grief at school and if they had have come home upset or had said at any time in their lives that they were having a hard time about us not being married we would have got married there and then but they never did.

      I think it depends on the couple if they want to have children before or after marriage, how they feel about it. Circumstances count into this as well. My first two were not planned (who would plan to have have two children only 14 months apart ), but I wouldn't be without them at all, they are absolutely wonderful and always have been. I don't think it really matters in this day and age, but what i would say, i would prefer my children to be married and settled before they had a family but if they weren't I couldn't say much about it, and would obviously support them all the way (but i think thats more to do with them wanting to be settled) . I'm not sure if it is so much old fashioned as just how you feel.

      #23 CJEB

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        Posted 31 May 2008 - 04:58 PM

        I've always wanted kids - as lots of us said, if we had children before marriage then we wouldn't mind, however, given our amazing birth control, we can choice.

        We are of cause do not take our fertility for granted.

        #24 jodylynn007

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          Posted 01 June 2008 - 12:03 AM

          Hmmm... very interesting thread! Thanks for posting ladies, it is interesting to read how much some of us are alike and also how much we differ from one another also.

          I am 33, will be 34 by the time I marry this November. My fiancee is 36 and will be 37 by the time we tie the knot. Both of us very desperately want to have children (we both currently do not and I am not pregnant).

          When I was in my early 20's, I thought by the time I was in my late 20's I would be engaged and well on my way to building a family. It took until I was 32 to find the man of my dreams but thankfully I did find him. I didn't want to start a family (if I was given the choice) with someone whom I couldn't imagine spending the rest of my life with, so I haven't and honestly, since I waited this long, I figure I might as well wait another 5 months until after the wedding.

          My fiancee and I are not religious at all, so that doesn't stand behind my decision, and believe it or not, it's the man in my life that is telling me to throw away the pills now! haha! Really though, it's only 5 months more to go and I want to have the time of my life in Mexico for my wedding/honeymoon, not having to deal with morning sickness, etc.

          In summary, I can't wait to start on my family (and at 34 it's high time!) but I will wait until after we're officially man and wife to do so as that is what seems best for me.

          #25 EricaG

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            Posted 01 June 2008 - 01:02 AM

            Here is a bit of funny info.

            I had my daughter during my last year of nursing school. I was doing a 4 weeks course before doing my preceptorship and I only made it to 2 weeks of it! Then I ended up with a c-section and went back to do my preceptorship 4 1/2 weeks later. (I wanted to get done!)
            Anyways, my daughter was the 10th baby of my grad class in 4 years. Wow right?! The funny thing is that we were in nursing, we had the highest pregnancy rate in the college of all programs ever there, and only 2 were planned. My daugther was the last one born before grad, but there were 2 more born witin 3 weeks before her. At grad there were also 2 more pregnant I believe. Our grad class proved almost every form and even some combinations of BC to not be 100% effective.

            What is the lesson? If it is meant to be....it will be!!!
            My wedding review of the Grand Palladium Palace, Punta Cana, Dominican Republic

            Our Professional Wedding and TTD Pictures by Photo Souvenirhttp:...

            #26 EricaG

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              Posted 01 June 2008 - 01:10 AM

              Oh yeah, there was a comment about taking fertility for granted. My best friend has not found the man of her dreams yet, but she really wants kids. She found out last year that she has PCOS (poly cystic ovarian syndrome) which will make conceiving very difficult for her. She is currently taking steps to improve her chances of becoming pregnant when the time comes, but she was also told that once she turns 35 (she is going to be 29 this year), they won't do anything to help her out. Because she wants kids so bad and there is no deadline for finding the man of her dreams, she is seriously considering a donor. She has decided that if she doesn't have anyone in her life by the time that I get married in Nov, she is going to go ahead and get donor sperm in Jan! Everyone around her is supportive, heck, I even started picking out donors for her to consider and got her a turkey baster! LOL
              My wedding review of the Grand Palladium Palace, Punta Cana, Dominican Republic

              Our Professional Wedding and TTD Pictures by Photo Souvenirhttp:...

              #27 KarmaB

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                Posted 01 June 2008 - 02:06 AM

                Like Martha, I will be pregnant at my wedding. 5 months to be exact. It was a surprise to us as well, since we were avoiding for our wedding. I morned the idea of not being the traditional bride for about a day and then have not thought about it since. I am so thrilled to be lucky enough to be carrying the child of the man that I am so in love with. I believe god has a plan for everyone and god wanted Hannah to be a guest at our wedding. :-)

                I think that everyone should do things on "their" own schedule. Most young couples want to have time on their own to become established and enjoy the honeymoon phase. FI and I both already have children from previous marriages who live with us and we have lived together for 2 years . So we are already not the typical young couple. FI is in his late 40's and time is ticking if you know what I mean!! :-) We are blessed to be educated, live in a big home in a great neighborhood and are more than capable of supporting this child as well as our previous two. Our children have everything they need emotionally and financially. So, for us, the time was right. We had already planned to start trying immediately after the wedding, thus the reason I was not on BC. It can take a few cycles to get back to normal and we didn't want to waste anytime.

                I have a beautiful, expensive gown that I bought and prepaid for before I found out I was pregnant and could not return, so it will probably need about $500 in alterations, but is it worth it to have the most amazing year of my life heck YEAH and I wouldn't change it for the world!!!

                #28 shellb

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                  Posted 01 June 2008 - 09:20 AM

                  My story is similar to Jodylynn007's, I didn't find Mr. Right until about 29 and we aren't going to be married until next April. We plan on waiting until after the wedding to try and concieve. However, since I will be 35 we have talked about how if for some reason normal methods do not work, we both would be ecstatics to adopt and welcome a child into our life that way.

                  #29 CJEB

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                    Posted 01 June 2008 - 10:45 AM

                    I wish you all good luck

                    #30 babyg

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                      Posted 01 June 2008 - 11:14 AM

                      Hi hear you all and if I were a younger bride I would feel the same as you.

                      I am at a different chapter in my life and my FI and I don't intend to have any children together. We already have kids. One child is mine and three are his and all combined is 4 wonderful kids. The youngest is 11 and the rest are all teens. One will head off to university next year. That ship has sailed, lol

                      I do regret not getting to experience having a baby together but our lives are full and we see the light at the end of the tunnel - 3 heading off to universtiy within years - yikes.

                      No new babies here!
                      Terri and John

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