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I need a drink....And its only Wednesday!!!


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#1 twinkletoes

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    Posted 28 May 2008 - 09:04 AM

    Sorry ladies, I usually dont try to complain but I'm a little overwhelmed right now with all that is going on 2 months b4 the wedding. So I figured I would feel better if I just write my thoughts out and let my 'virtual friends listen' to me vent. I know so many of you ladies on here have went through similar situations, so you can feel my pain.

    I must forewarn you, this may get a little long.

    Here goes...

    (1) My FI was in a bad car accident yesterday! His car is totaled. A lady turned in front of him coming from the opposite direction and for him to avoid a collision and from someone hitting him in the back, he swerved to the side and jumped the sidewalk, only to hit a knee wall and then a telephone pole! Come to find out, he only has liability coverage!!! He claims it was only b/c he hasnt been driving this car for a long time and he is a defensive driver. So only his car was damaged, so no one got a ticket. Even though the lady admitted she failed to yield!!! I am just glad he is okay with just a few bumps and bruises. Thank God!!! He is more upset about it than I am.

    (2) My Matron of Honor, my best friend since freshman year of college e-mailed me and said her and her hubby will no longer be able to attend the wedding. This is like the 5th person that has backed out. And what pisses me off the most is that she has been avoiding my calls and emails for the last 4-5 weeks or so. She went on vacation for a week, but I at least thought she would respond upon returning. I NEVER would have thought she would avoid me in a million years. We have been through soooo much together, she is closer to me than most of my sisters!

    And I never fully liked her husband to begin with (my own personal issues with how he treats her at times, so me and him have never seen eye-to-eye), but the way she worded her email is like he doesnt want her to go. WTF And what gets me is that she didnt have the decency to call me and tell me this. Its the principle behind it all, she could have told me a while ago if she knew it was going to cause friction in her marriage, not this close to the wedding!

    Here is part of her email...

    ...You've probably figuered out by now that 'something' is going on with me. And yes, I totally apologize...I have been somewhat avoiding your calls...I'm sorry! Well, as you have probably guessed, I have bad news...I'm/We're not going to be able to make it to the wedding. I can't apologize enough...I've been going round and round with J and I'm tired of arguing with him. Its not that we don't have the money or anything like that...we just have a lot of unknowns in the future...we may be leaving here in 6-8 months and we need to fix up the house and all that CRAP! Yeah, I call it crap because, I feel like if he really wanted to sacrafice and make this trip happen then we could...I just don't know...I'm so sorry...I feel horrible...I feel horrible about not having the courage to tell you on the phone, I feel horrible that I have to go back on my word....I know, I know...we're better than this! It just breaks my heart that I have to let you down...I'm supposed to be dependable and reliable, I'm so sorry! ;-( I hope and pray that you can understand and not hate me til eternity....I really wanted to be there for you on your big day... But at this point I'm torn and you know the road that I have to choose. Please don't be too disappointed...well, I know thats a lot to ask. I'll call you later this week to talk...I just need to know that you're going to forgive me!

    I dont even know how I should respond to her. I dont hate her, I never will (thats just how much love I have for her) Their house is practically brand new, so that scapegoat doesnt sit right with me.

    Planning a DW I knew that not everyone would be able to go, but i just wish she wouldnt have been one of the ones. She was supposed to do my hair and makeup. I dont trust anyone else to do it! I feel so bad that she feels torn b/w me and her hubby. Lol, the funny thing is she is one of the ones that encouraged me to have a DW!

    (3) My FI's family is still badgering us about having a DW. Keep in mind, none of them have booked yet, but they contact us constantly complaining about the prices increasing on a daily basis!!! I just want them all to kiss my $#%

    (4) I have not heard from my WC in more than 3+ weeks. I asked her a bunch of questions to ensure my budget is on track and have yet to hear from her!!! I understand that its 'wedding season' and she is super busy, but the closer its getting to my wedding, it seems like the longer it takes her to respond. I've called, only to be directed to leave a message. I need some final answers, and I want them NOW!!! If I dont hear from her by the end of the week, I am calling corporate.

    (5) My company has starting doing layoffs. The owners of the company are going through a serious divorce and fighting for the company. And a lot of $ is being spent toward lawyer fees. They laid off 5 people yesterday. So my feelings toward job security is a little shaky right now.

    There are so many other small things going on right now that I could also complain about, but I'll stop there. I feel so selfish writing all of this, b/c I know I could be so much worse off. I am just so ready to move on with the next chapter of my life.

    Whew, Thank you all for 'listening'. I feel soooo much better.
    2 Hearts, 1 Love 08.08.08Punta Cana, D.R.

    #2 DanielleNDerek

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      Posted 28 May 2008 - 09:31 AM

      Wow you have a lot going on right now in your life.

      1. Sorry fi had a car accident but thankfully he's not hurt.
      2. I agree with what Mo just wrote, at least she was upfront and honest. She shouldn't of avoided your phone calls, but at least she admits that she was. I don't think that this should end your friendship, unless she is constantly letting you down. It really sucks when the people we really want at our DW can't make it but that is a sacrifice we have to make when we decide to have a DW.
      3. Fi's family needs to shut up! While they keep complaining, prices are just going to keep getting higher. so they should just shut up and book already, if they are planning to go. if they aren't planning on going than they should just shut up!
      4. WC's response time can be really frustrating and i agree that if you don't hear back from her by the end of the week contact corporate. It's a new resort so maybe she's a little over her head right now.
      5. I hope that you don't get laid off.

      If you ever need to vent, then please do. you know that we are all here for you and most of us can understand some of the things you've been going through (guests not being able to come, missing WCs, family being a PITA). Now go have a drink!
      ***Married November 6, 2008***Gavin Born February 28th, 2010***
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      #3 becks

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      Posted 28 May 2008 - 10:25 AM

      Wow. You DO need a drink! And a big hug.

      I'm sorry you're going thru all of this. There's nothing on your list that doesn't totally suck. And I wish I could come and kick some butt for you.

      I agree with what the ladies have said with regard to your MOH. Take a deep breath, and forgive her. You aren't going to be able to change her ability to attend, and it sounds like your relationship is very, very important. So, bite the bullet, pick up the phone, tell her you love her even though she's a big ol' pain. And then figure out a way to involve her in the rest of your planning.

      Vent on, and tell us how we can help.

      Happily married since 2008

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      #4 Alyssa

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        Posted 28 May 2008 - 10:25 AM

        Wow that is a lot - i agree with Mo and Danielle. and i 3rd the please keep venting - we are all here for you to listen and I am really, really sorry you have to deal with all of this 2 months before your wedding

        #5 twinkletoes

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          Posted 28 May 2008 - 10:34 AM

          Thanks ladies for your words of encouragement. I now see why people have nervous breakdowns!!! lol BDW is my 'free therapy', thank goodness.

          I dont know if I am more hurt by the fact that she didnt feel like she could call me up and tell me this or that she waited this long to do so. B/c I can just about guarantee that she didnt just find out about this or this just became an 'issue' in their household. I think I would have been okay (or at least able to deal with it much better) knowing from the beginning she wouldnt be able to come.

          We have always been honest with each other regardless of the situation. I never in a million years thought that she would avoid me. She has NEVER let me down, EVER. But I guess there's a first time for everything.

          So now I have no MOH/BM :~( I think I'm going to scrap the whole bridal party thing altogether.
          2 Hearts, 1 Love 08.08.08Punta Cana, D.R.

          #6 Alyssa

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            Posted 28 May 2008 - 10:38 AM

            she probably felt like she could 'convince' her DH and it was a bigger issue than she ever wanted/thought it would be.

            why can't she come without him?

            i have to be honest, i would never let any man or anyone determine my friendships - if my FI hated one of my best friends, i would not allow HIS issues to stand in the way of my relationship - for me that is basic respect. she obviously is not in that type of relationship but now you have to decide what to do with that info. are you ok with that kind of friendship? can you move on from it?

            KWIM?

            #7 Copita

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              Posted 28 May 2008 - 10:48 AM

              Twinkle,

              Wow, you've got a lot going on, chica.
              I am so sorry that all this is happening at once... but it will only make you stronger, TRUST!
              1. The good thing is that FI is okay. First and foremost, that is the big thing... that he was not hurt.
              2. That is so crappy about your MOH. WTF? And call me old school but over an email is even LESS considerate! Don't talk to her until you have calmed down a bit. I would be upset, too. One of my best friends & bridesmaids also told me via email she couldn't come anymore (due to giving all her cash to her boyfriend - they've since broken up). But I just told her that I didn't hate her and understood and I know that she feels really badly she cannot go.
              3. Don't listen to them. At all. Block them out of your head. If they say something, tell them that the longer they wait to book, the prices increase. Everyone knows that. if they can't make it, too bad. Seriously. They knew about it from the get-go. And the joy of a DW is that not everyone can come so if they are going to be "debbie downers" then you are prob better off without having them there! :)
              4. Call your WC's boss and tell them you mean BUSINESS. Your wedding is fast approaching and there is no need for her to not respond to ya!
              5. Hang tight. Just wait and see what happens at work. See if you can get some 'inside info' from the higher ups about what direction the comp is taking and then if it sounds grim, put your resume out there. That never hurts.

              What resort are you getting married at?

              #8 twinkletoes

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                Posted 28 May 2008 - 10:54 AM

                Quote:
                Originally Posted by cmmdee
                Twinkle,

                2. That is so crappy about your MOH. WTF? And call me old school but over an email is even LESS considerate! Don't talk to her until you have calmed down a bit. I would be upset, too. One of my best friends & bridesmaids also told me via email she couldn't come anymore (due to giving all her cash to her boyfriend - they've since broken up). But I just told her that I didn't hate her and understood and I know that she feels really badly she cannot go.


                What resort are you getting married at?
                Great advice. I think If I were to call her right now, all of the curse words I know would come out!

                We are getting married at EdenH. The WC is very experienced. She was at Dream PC for years before accepting a new position at my resort.
                2 Hearts, 1 Love 08.08.08Punta Cana, D.R.

                #9 Copita

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                  Posted 28 May 2008 - 11:01 AM

                  ^^ Oh, that's great about the WC.
                  And awesome idea on letting things smooth over a bit before you call. I totally understand cause I had to take a breather myself before I responded back to my bridesmaid. I just couldn't believe she gave that f*tard bf of hers all her darn money (he was no good and shacking up with some broad) an dthen they broke up!!!! LOL. I love her to pieces, though.
                  My mother's friend told me when I started planning my wedding, The people you think who MOST will go to your wedding, never do and the ones you don't think will, do. And it's so true! We have 45 people booked so far and a lot of them I didn't think would come at all! :)
                  Oh yeah, that's right! I remember posting back and forth with you on the Eden H link!
                  Dont worry though. It will all work out in the end. The resort looks lovely! :)



                  #10 twinkletoes

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                    Posted 28 May 2008 - 11:08 AM

                    Quote:
                    Originally Posted by Alyssa
                    she probably felt like she could 'convince' her DH and it was a bigger issue than she ever wanted/thought it would be.

                    why can't she come without him?

                    i have to be honest, i would never let any man or anyone determine my friendships - if my FI hated one of my best friends, i would not allow HIS issues to stand in the way of my relationship - for me that is basic respect. she obviously is not in that type of relationship but now you have to decide what to do with that info. are you ok with that kind of friendship? can you move on from it?

                    KWIM?

                    I'm not sure why she can't come without him. I havent talked to her yet. But I am going to get to the bottom of all this. I know her better than that and it feels like there's something she's not telling me.

                    She was one of the most strong-willed females I know before getting married. She has become VERY submissive now. To each his own I guess. Her husband is very controlling. And I hate seeing her in that situation.

                    I value my friendships more than most things. B/c true friends are so hard to come by. I will have to take some time to myself and think about how I want to handle this situation. The whole thing with her is just so surreal to me right now, its crazy.
                    2 Hearts, 1 Love 08.08.08Punta Cana, D.R.




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