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Best Man Outfit - bought without our input!

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#1 catandcleo

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    Posted 27 May 2008 - 11:44 AM

    Am i being silly here? We have not yet finalized what my FI is going to wear, because we wanted to wait and see what kind of dress i chose. So i finally picked and ordered my dress last week, and am starting to figure out what i want him to wear.

    Well, a couple of days ago, the wife of the best man calls and tells me she bought a shirt for her husband to wear!

    Ok, i am really not trying to be a bridezilla, but is this reasonable? We haven't even chosen the GROOM'S outfit yet! So we went over there the day before yesterday, and while it is a very nice shirt, it's not what i had in mind. I want the men to wear white linen shirts and this one is a nice stiff cotton. Now, if FI wears linen and the best man wears this shirt, FI will look like a rumpled slob next to him!

    So, now it seems like if i say 'no, you can't wear that' i am being a spoiled brat... but i don't feel like we should have to choose my FI's outfit based on what the best man wants to wear. When he got married and Jon was his best man, Jon chose an outfit to complement the groom. Isn't that the way it is supposed to go, NOT the other way round?

    What should i do? How do you tactfully tell a friend - "Sorry, but it's our wedding and we chose XYZ for the men to wear..." I'm really upset about this, but the FI says don't worrry, it will all work itself out, but i just don't know.

    #2 jajajaja

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      Posted 27 May 2008 - 11:47 AM

      Ok I think she is totally out of line purchasing him a shirt. For whatever reason, you tell people it's a DW so they think it's just some shotgun type of wedding with no planning. Now, that's ok if it's what you want, but obviously, you guys want to put some effort into the planning. They need to respect that.

      I would let her know that while you like the shirt, you haven't decided on the bridal parties outfits yet. Hello- I'm sure you don't have BM dresses yet so how could you have the men's outfits done. Just ask if she can return it.
      Happily married since 2008

      #3 stacey


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        Posted 27 May 2008 - 11:49 AM

        I think that you have to be straight forward with them. Just let them know that while you appriciate their efforts, you had something diffrent in mind and you would like all of them men to look the same" something like that. I think that thebest man and wife stepped out of lines when they bought something with out consulting you first.
        Stacey & Ely 10.14.2008

        #4 TammyB

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          Posted 27 May 2008 - 11:52 AM

          I would let your FI handle it. If he hasn't picked out a shirt yet then maybe he can just tell them you guys want to follow suit to what he wears.

          #5 jillhiggins

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            Posted 27 May 2008 - 11:58 AM

            Yeah - that sounds nuts that she would buy something without asking.

            Is there any chance your FI could have told her they were going to wear white and maybe she ran with it? Either way, I agree that it would probably be best if he handles it.

            Good luck!

            #6 catandcleo

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              Posted 27 May 2008 - 12:08 PM

              i said at some point that we most likely would put the guys in white linen... that has been the plan from the start. this shirt is neither white (more of an ivory) nor linen. i really don't know what she was thinking... don't get me started on the fact that she is looking for a WHITE dress to wear with these red and white shoes she just had to have...

              i'm not sure how FI will handle it, since he is REALLY not good at dealing with conflict... I suppose he will discuss it with the Best Man, and then her husband is going to have to reel her in. (I don't think the BM cares one way or the other... He is just excited to be going to MX!)

              #7 jajajaja

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                Posted 27 May 2008 - 12:13 PM

                Are you planning on buying the BM's outfit? We did that for ours and including something little on the side for his gift. It was an easy way for me to dicate what he wore. That might be a good alternative.
                Happily married since 2008

                #8 alex

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                  Posted 27 May 2008 - 12:15 PM

                  Yeah I think that's a little stranger that she'd do that. But now that you've mentioned she wants to wear a white dress then it makes a bit more sense.. lol
                  If you don't think that your FI will handle it well, just talk to the BM yourself. Tell him that as much as you like the shirt his wife purchased, you hadn't quite figured out what the men were going to wear & you don't want to hurt his wife's feelings. Men are usually much more understanding (& care less! lol) so maybe by talking to him, he can talk to his wife!
                  I hope it all goes well for you!

                  #9 Yari

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                    Posted 27 May 2008 - 12:21 PM

                    It sounds like she is "trying" to be useful, but is overstepping her bounds. I would actually talk to her and say, "We have thought about the shirt you purchased for XX, and it is very nice, but it is not what I had in mind for the wedding. Since we have not chosen the groom's outfit yet, it would be best if we waited to decided on what your husband should wear."

                    I hope this helps!

                    #10 catandcleo

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                      Posted 27 May 2008 - 12:37 PM

                      thanks guys... my first response is always the emotional one, but i can see the logic in your suggestions!

                      i'll have FI discuss it w/ the BM (both the shirt AND the fact that she wants to wear a white dress!) and see how it goes from there. He knows that his wife can get a bit carried away with things, so he can probably be a bit more effective in dealing with her.

                      I am not really known for my tact on a good day, and lately, a lot of little things are starting to get to me. I guess because we are the last of our group of friends to get married, everyone wants to give advice on how THEY did it. I know that they mean well, but, i attended most of those weddings, and while they were perfectly lovely, they weren't our style for the most part. So i just want to say "you already had YOUR wedding, now let us have ours!"

                      Part of why we wanted a DW was so we didn't have to deal with all the drama - but i guess there will always be drama no matter what you do!

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