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Co-habitating- Good or Bad idea?


Agape Gems
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So I was reading thru the thread about how long have you dated before getting engaged and it seems like a lot of us dated for quite some time, 5+years before getting engaged. I also noticed that lots of people said they had lived together for a large part of that time. So I'm just curious if ya'll think that living together/co-habitating was/is a good idea. Is the old saying true "why buy the cow when the milk is free?" Or has it made your relationship stronger?

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I don't think there is any way that Mike and I could have gotten married without living together beforehand. IMHO, I think I couldn't have possibly have gotten to know him as well as I do without living with him. Buying our houses together and owning a dog together, as well as all of the small everyday things, have taught us so much about one another and have definitely strengthened our relationship.

BUT 2 of my best friends didn't live with their DHs before they got married and they are doing great, so I think it's different for every couple.

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I'm so glad I lived with my DH before we were married. I was living in Dallas and he was living in STL. Flying back and forth was taking its toll. Long distance sucked! Also planning a wedding long distance was hard to do. I'm so glad we got to live together and get use to each others little things was good for us. I think it depends on the couple. But really for us it was worth it!

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For the first couple years we were together I was in school 3 hours away, so we had a long distance relationship. On the weekends and holidays I would come home and usually stay with him, but nothing was offical. Then I ended up getting pregnant withour daughter, so we got a place of our own and moved in the day that I started my last year of school. (I got out of having to do the moving!) Besides the situation that got us to move into together, I am glad that we did live together first, as we were both raised very differently, so we each have our little quirks that we had to get used to and still to this day we are. I think for us, if we were able to wait until we were married, that could have made for a stressful beginning to a marriage.

 

I do agree that it depends on the couple, and everyone has to decide for themselves what will work!

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I think it depends on the couple too. DH and I, when I got pregnant with our first, never intended on living together at all. We had two of everything, one at he's house and one at mine (we were both living with parents). When our oldest was born, my mum was due to go on holiday, so I told her to go, I would be able to manage in the house on my own (a lot of my family lived close by and so did DH, so nothing to worry about). Anyway, DH said he would just stay with me and the baby until my mum got back, but once mum had got back, she said to DH, you may as well stay if you want. So he did, so then another child and 8 years later we finally bought our own place and moved away from home. It has worked for us, still together and finally wanting to get married.

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I think it depends on the couple as well. I think living with my FI has helped us learn alot about one another, the good, the bad and the ugly. We've learned to communicate better which we wouldn't have done if he was still living at home in my opinion. It worked for us because of our personalities. I salute the couples who choose not to live together before marriage. I think that is wonderful.

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for us in the beginning it was more a practical matter, why would we pay two rents when we were spending all our time together, then we moved away and it would have been a huge waste to get two apartments in a really expensive city.

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I am in agreement with these ladies. I think that it depends on the couple. Personally, We have become even closer since we have been living together and the communication has improved because you can't escape from the "issue" so to speak. I felt like when we wereb't living together I was able to go home and we could discuss it tomorrow. Now- it's all discussed before going to bed. I also feel that you learn alot about your partner and yourself by being in the situation. I also have friends that opted not to officially live together before tying the knot and they said it was like playing house for the whole first year. They are advocates so I think it can go both ways. I was getting annoyed at having 1/2 my stuff at his place and 1/2 at mine and having to get up at 6 am before work to trek home etc...

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I am very glad we are linving together before we are married. By the time we are married we will have been living together for over 2 years. It has just helped us worked out the quirks of living together. Marriage is stressful enough so now we have the living under the same roof down for the most part. There are always going to be little issues that bug individuals but that is natural when you put 2 different people under the same roof. I think for us it has been beneficial.

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