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Need sisterly advice

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30 replies to this topic

#11 Hartyt509

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    Posted 04 May 2008 - 04:36 PM

    Originally Posted by redheaney
    I like your attitude, H509! It's all in the delivery, I guess... lol
    Yeah especially with this accent lol i just don't like people presuming they should be whatever - like FMIL presuming her new bloke will be invited to the wedding lmao

    #12 rodent


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      Posted 04 May 2008 - 05:22 PM

      I personally would just add her. 3 & 1 is fine. The best man can be at the front with Jayson & the girls can walk in one by one or together. I think it looks more natural that way anyway. I think coming in as couples is a little odd. In all my times as a BM, I didn't know any of the guys walking me down the aisle. It would feel more natural to be with my girls. When I've seen it done that way it looks so nice.

      But then, that would put your sister with your 2 friends that she might not know. So that might be strange. So maybe 1 at a time.

      Tami mentioned before how her & her sister were not that close until the wedding and it really brought them together. Even if there is the big age gap, this might be a great opportunity to really bond. 5 years stops meaning anything after 20ish so maybe as adults you can be really close for the first time. My brother & I lived apart from when I was 10 to 20. I moved in with him at age 20 & we really bonded. We got to know each other for the first time really.

      #13 antonia321

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        Posted 04 May 2008 - 05:35 PM

        I agree with Morgan. I am 7 years older than my sister and there were def. a time in our lives when weren't close and didn't get a long.

        And as the big sister, I didn't seem to realize the effect that I had on my younger sister. They look up to you, live in your shadow, and sometimes I didn't understand why she would get so sensitive about things that I didn't think were a big deal but were to her.

        Its an honor to be part of a wedding, especially an intimate destination wedding. My sister ended up being my maid of honor and I had three of my best friends as BM. It was nice cuz I didn't have to choose between the friends! We also had an uneven bridal party because I wanted more of my girls than my DH. Everything worked out, it didn't look weird.

        My sister went all out for me, above and beyond any of my friends. I think sometimes when you give people the opportunity to be close to you and be there for you, they just run with it.

        Good luck! and I hope this helps!

        #14 Bride010101

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          Posted 04 May 2008 - 05:41 PM

          I tend to agree with Morgan. But I think its your day and you need to do what feels right.

          If its just the number thing holding you up... add her! As Morgan mentioned, have the best man stand up w/ your FI and have the girls walk the aisle on their own. The numbers already off, whats 3 to 1 verse 2 to 1?

          I know that you say that you are not that close... but she is still family. IMHO unless there is a specific reason you don't want her, it would be a nice gesture. I have 2 younger sisters who I fought horribly with while growing up. We are at least on speaking terms and what not now... but I have never been close with them. I asked them both to be BMs and they were honored. Planning with them has turned out to be really fun and has helped build our relationship. I guess just try to think 20 years down the road when you are looking back at pics... are you going to regret not having her up there with you

          But its your day! If you don't feel she fits the spot... then don't add her. You could easily encorporate her into a reading of some sorts that would keep her included. Maybe see if your current girls would include her in the some of the other pre-wedding activities?.

          #15 jajajaja

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            Posted 04 May 2008 - 06:39 PM

            I tend to agree with adding her IF the only reason not to is numbers. My wedding party wasn't even and I personally liked the girls walking in one by one. I always thought it looked odd to "couple" people up when they aren't really couples.

            I agree this might be a perfect time to get closer to your sister and show her that you would like to have a better relationship. However, I don't know your story so if you don't want to deepen the relationship, then I wouldn't worry about it. I do suspect that you would like to be closer because you are feeling guilty about hurting her feelings.

            I also had my cousin do a reading during the ceremony- It was very personal touch and I'm sure she was honored. You could tell how much she loved us while she read. This may be a good role for your sister as well, but I think she would still feel that she was passed up on. Ultimately it's up to you. :)
            Happily married since 2008

            #16 Chiquita

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              Posted 04 May 2008 - 07:14 PM

              Thanks for all your advice/suggestions ladies. I do agree it might make us closer as sisters if she were to be a part of the wedding. However I did get the impression if she couldn't be a BM, she wasn't terribly interested in doing anything else.

              Maybe what I'll do is take her out for lunch and just get an idea of how she is feeling about all of this. And again bring up the idea of her greeting people or reading a poem or something.

              If it WAS just a numbers thing, I don't think it would be that much of an issue. We aren't that close for a numbers of reasons, age being just one of them. We had an issue over our grandmothers' will last summer which I won't really get into but made me look at her in a completely different way and I didn't really like what I saw. Needless to say, I still love her but when I think of my bridal party, I just don't see her being a part of it that way. But maybe we just need to have a heart to heart talk about all of this wedding stuff.. and it will resolve itself. Heh.

              #17 jamisoncollette

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                Posted 04 May 2008 - 07:19 PM

                If it makes you feel better, I didn't even invite my sister to my wedding. My dad is upset but I made a choice not to invite the siblings who have always been horrible to me and the rest of the family. The last time we heard from my sister is when she thought my dad was going to die and then she tried to pull the loving daughter act. That was eight years ago.
                A reading would be more than appropriate and if she would like to help the BM's with the grunt work then awesome.

                #18 caroline

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                  Posted 04 May 2008 - 08:42 PM

                  Sorry, but I have to speak up on this one! Asking her to do a toast would not be the best idea... especially as a woman scorned.... (well, you know...)

                  My sister & I were not the closest growing up. Actually, that's probably an understatement... lol. We are closer today but were not so much, back when. Now, having said all of that - she DID ask me to be her MOH, I accepted and it all worked out beautifully. It was a REALLY small wedding... lol.

                  Point is, SHE asked me. I am the younger sibling. I have no intention of asking her to be in my bridal party, let alone my MOH. And I don't expect her to be hurt or upset by this. I love her. She is my sister. But part of my BP she will not be. And if that upsets her (for whatever reason) well... shucks.

                  It's not meant to come across as cold. Mending a fractured relationship is one thing, but I certainly would not attempt that on one of the (if not THE most) important days of my life... (and my FIs, I might add) But thats just me. It's hard but try not to stress out too much about it. You'll have enough stress with the basic wedding planning. DON'T ruin your day!

                  #19 rodent


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                    Posted 04 May 2008 - 09:19 PM

                    OK, so now knowing it's not just a numbers thing or age difference then I change my vote to do what you feel best with. Whats the cheesy saying? Friends are the family we pick for ourselves. There is nothing wrong with being closer to friends than family. But then there is that blood is thicker than water saying. Oh, I don't know which saying to go with.

                    Let us know what you decide.

                    #20 soon to be a Green

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                      Posted 04 May 2008 - 09:30 PM

                      I think it was a great idea for you to post this. Its always difficult to feel guilty about something, but you know whats really going to be best for you. Just remember its YOUR day:-)

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