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Do you still send gifts if not attending?

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24 replies to this topic

#1 nde062010

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    Posted 01 May 2008 - 11:50 AM

    I just got a bridal shower invitation and wedding invitation from a girl who I know through a friend .... actually I hardly know her .. I didn't even know who it was, when I got the invitation, for a few minutes cuz I never knew what her last name was! I think I've seen her maybe 4 times .... which im wondering why the hell she invited me (can you tell I get sick of (traditional) weddings and showers!)

    anyways ... I'm not going to the shower or wedding (I already spent lots of money on concert tickets the night of the wedding ... so I'm going to the concert lol) ...but are you supposed to send a shower gift anyways or a card ...? I don't know what the proper etiquette is.

    I'll probably have to come up with a lie to our common friend to prevent drama ... cuz going to a concert isn't really a good excuse to miss a wedding.

    sorry for babbling

    #2 lucy106

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      Posted 01 May 2008 - 11:53 AM

      That is insane! Does she not have a lot of friends or something? I mean if you have only seen her 4 times that seems nuts! Maybe she is gift hungry. Ettiquette probably says send a gift but personally I would say screw that!

      #3 nikkianddean

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        Posted 01 May 2008 - 11:54 AM

        I would probably send a small gift to a wedding i was invited to. Something very small, but just to say "thank you" for inviting me even though I was not sure why I got an invite :P

        Mr. & Mrs. C
        February 14, 2009

        #4 rodent


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          Posted 01 May 2008 - 12:00 PM

          i only send a gift if I want to send a gift. Once gift giving feels like an obligation it kills the spirit of giving.

          Also, often people send out invites & just hope people rsvp no to keep their budget in line. Maybe she invited you because she felt like she should for whatever reason. I invited some people who are more of a friends friend because I didn't want them to feel left out. In no way at all would I want a gift.

          We get invited to every single guy who was in this college group with mike's wedding. It the standard for them to send invites to the whole list. no way are we going ot send each one of those people a gift.

          #5 LCBride2007


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            Posted 01 May 2008 - 12:10 PM

            I usually do send a gift even if I am not going, and sometimes even a bigger gift that I would if I were actually attending. However, I usually know the person pretty well! lol Is she the type to just fish for gifts? That's strange!

            #6 sn2bski

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              Posted 01 May 2008 - 12:10 PM

              Ooh! I feel ya on this one! I have a lot of friends from high school who I don't really keep in touch with anymore but they are still in this tight-knit group. It seems like they all have gotten married within the last 2 or 3 years and I'm so tired of going to their wedding events! Enough already! Anyway...I have another wedding coming up June 7th which happens to be the day before my b-day. I'm going to her bachelorette party and I went to her shower but I DO NOT want to go to her wedding! Its a 2 hour drive for me! Let me know what excuse you come up with because I'm gonna need a good one! I told one of my other friends that I had to work and she was like "Your not even coming to the reception after you get off?" Ugh! She wasn't even the bride!

              I guess I wasn't much help with your dilemma! Your post made me want to vent too! I agree with Nikki, send something small-very small!

              #7 jajajaja

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                Posted 01 May 2008 - 12:12 PM

                I wouldnt send a gift to someone I barely know. I was invited to a shower once where I didn't know the person very well either. When I first go the invite I was like "who the hell is this?" Needless to say, she got no gift.
                Happily married since 2008

                #8 Agape Gems

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                  Posted 01 May 2008 - 12:15 PM

                  I only send a gift it I'm missing a wedding that i actually wanted to go to. If it's someone who is just a random associate and I don't go to the wedding i don't send a gift. I figure we come out even- they didn't spend $50 to feed me green beans, rice, and chicken so i'm not sending them a crock pot.
                  I'm pretty sure thats not proper, but neither is inviting random people to share in your wedding!
                  See our professional weddings photos http://bestdestinati...om/forum/t21339

                  #9 DreaW

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                    Posted 01 May 2008 - 12:22 PM

                    I would just send her a card not a gift.

                    #10 rodent


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                      Posted 01 May 2008 - 12:28 PM

                      From Emily Post:

                      Guests invited to the wedding have an obligation to send a gift, whether they are attending or not. There are few exceptions. If you live far away from where the wedding will take place and have been out of touch with the couple for several years, and are not planning to attend the wedding, there's no need to send a gift. Also, the receipt of a wedding announcement after the wedding carries no gift obligation, although it's thoughtful to send the couple a note or card expressing your "best wishes."

                      So a lot of the invites we get are from people we haven't talked to in 1-4 years and the weddings are in a different state. I do not feel bad for not sending a gift.

                      If everyone I sent invites to was obligated to send me a gift, I wouldn't have sent so many out. Now my mom wants me to send more invites to people like my friends parents, grandma's friends, etc. She doesn't want them to feel left out. A friend of my grandma was upset she didn't get an invite to my brother's wedding. She wouldn't be attending. She just wanted an invite.

                      I don't feel comfortable sending these people invites less than 2 months before a wedding in mexico. To me that seems like a gift request. So I'm going to make wedding announcements & send them out afterwards. They will have a picture of us from the wedding & a link to where people can see the pictures & video.

                      I think a nice handwritten card should do. I do not think gifts should ever be required even if it's small. If gift giving doesn't feel good, then I think it isn't right. I would hate to get wedding gifts from people who just felt obligated. If they don't really want to get us something, I would much rather they don't. It would make me happy to get notes though saying congrats & just something that would keep us in touch.

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