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Guest issue!

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#1 S2BLennon

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    Posted 30 April 2008 - 01:08 AM

    I need some input...

    I went to my FILs this weekend and my FBIL (best man) was there. Besides being jumped on about the cost of the vaca/ wedding for guests...(Which is another story for another thread if I get to it)....They didn't appreciate my STD's (again another story) and now I am getting awkward emails regarding guests..

    OK on to the question, sorry I am aggravated!

    My FBIL sent me an email asking if he could give the resort info to a friend (that is on our list and we sent a STD to ) because he was looking for it.. This is understandable since I know that this guest hadn't recieved the STD yet.. On the other hand I was like.. Look at the STD - the info is on there Michael! I have the info EVERYWHERE and I am getting stupid questions, like who do we call?!

    Then on another line he asked if we needed another friends address since they exprssed interest in going... thing is we weren't going to invite them! he wanted to know if I had sent STD to everyone or if they were going to find it on their own.. So now I don't know what to do, especially since we JUST sent out the STDS and people have not recieved them.. DO we send one out to this other friend that wasn't invited but wants to go?

    I just have a feeling that people are finding out via word of mouth, that we are aquantiances with but that is all- and they think that it would be cool to go on vaca with all of us.

    It boils down to the fact that I don't think people - even my closest friends and family realize that this is a REAL wedding and there will be a REAL reception and there is still an invite list...... I am concerned and want to make sure that I follow etiquette...

    Then again I know that some of my guests have invited other friends of theirs to join them on vaca for the week... So do I invite only my original guests to the wedding and if there ends up being more "friends" that decide to vaca that week, dont' include them in the festivities? Seems rude....

    #2 Taradactyle

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      Posted 30 April 2008 - 02:46 AM

      I have the EXACT same problem. I have quite a few people who we aren't really close to but they have invited themselves. (Several people told us that they can make it... even though we never invited them). Others invited random friends to the wedding without asking us... So like you are, I'm getting the sense that people just want to go on vacation and think this is a good excuse, without thinking that this is a special event for us...

      Anyway, I didn't send formal invites to these people. I figure that a verbal "we can come" doesn't hold much weight... and that they won't end up booking. On the other hand, if they are serious, maybe your bridesmaids can help spread the word that you'd rather keep this a more intimate event for closer friends and family.
      Tara & Patrick

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      #3 Celina

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        Posted 30 April 2008 - 03:02 AM

        I think you should be upfront witht them and tell them that you invited a certain group and that's it. They don't understand that you have to pay for their meals etc and at some point you may have to explain it to them.

        We have people staying at their timeshare instead of the resort hotel and we have to pay $60 per person for a half day pass. People don't realize that costs add up. One of the people staying at the timeshare kept inviting people to stay with them! We finally had to break it down to them and in the end she got a little miffed because our resort was charging for day passes. I'm like - HELLO - it's an all inclusive resort! Where else are you going to have access to all the food you can eat, all the alcohol you can drink for $60??

        People are idiots.
        "Love is not who you live with...it's who you can't live without"

        #4 starchild



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          Posted 30 April 2008 - 03:25 AM

          Ahhh wedding planning....a great way to find out which of your friends/family are total ding-dongs! It's happened to many of us. The info can be in bold type, underlined, italicized, and sure enough someone will amaze you by asking where it is.

          Don't send the STD to the person you didn't invite but now wants to go, they would have made your list if they were supposed to be there.

          Also I think a +guest is typical for most weddings, and for the people who invite their friends on vacation...they still get one guest. I almost had that situation with a BM, a few of her friends heard she was going to Mexico and they wanted to go too. Luckily she told them that they had to decide which one attended the wedding, so I didn't have to tell her myself. But I would have!

          Good luck and hang in there, I promise that guest relations are the worst part of planning :)

          #5 becks



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            Posted 30 April 2008 - 09:47 AM

            We've all dealt with it - where's the wedding... who do I call... can I bring my neighbor's cousin's mother-in-law...

            FI and I were REALLY up front about it. We found that the phrases "intimate wedding" and "immediate family and a few close friends" were key to getting our message across.

            Don't get pressured into increasing your guest list, and don't let people assume that just because it's an all inclusive resort that you aren't paying for things. Feel free to let it slip to a few key people that the cost of the reception is going to be $XX per person - and add the phrase "it's quite a bit more than we anticipated, but we want it to be special". People will figure it out.

            Good luck!!!

            Happily married since 2008

            Allurements by Rebecca - Destination Wedding Invitations and more

            #6 nikkianddean

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              Posted 30 April 2008 - 12:03 PM

              Originally Posted by becks
              FI and I were REALLY up front about it. We found that the phrases "intimate wedding" and "immediate family and a few close
              Great message - i might have to use that one in our formal invitations!!!!

              Mr. & Mrs. C
              February 14, 2009

              #7 kellywinter1

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                Posted 30 April 2008 - 01:27 PM

                Ugh! I feel your frustration. Since my fiance and I told our family and friends about us having a destination wedding we have gotten nothing but grief. People have complained about where we are going, how much its going to cost and on and on. I am upset because the people we want at the wedding most are the ones that complain the most and are unsure if they will attend. But all the people I didn't plan on inviting and heard about our plans from word of mouth are wanting to come.....

                #8 Copita

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                  Posted 30 April 2008 - 02:14 PM

                  Originally Posted by S2BLennon

                  It boils down to the fact that I don't think people - even my closest friends and family realize that this is a REAL wedding and there will be a REAL reception and there is still an invite list...... I am concerned and want to make sure that I follow etiquette...

                  Omgosh...omgosh... I can SOOOOOOOO relate!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                  I cannot tell you HOW many people have asked me, can I bring so and so and so and wants to bring their friend. UH, yeah it's a vacation spot, but also VERY MUCH a wedding! I cannot tell you how many times I've wanted to cry over this so I am so glad you can relate!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                  If you decide yu're just sticking to your guest list, tell your FBIL, that you have chosen to only invite a certain amount of people and we're planning on getting away much from the 'master guest list.' It is hard but they ahve to realize you are also planning your wedding an dpaying per person, etc.

                  I can totalllllllllllllllllly relate.

                  And this is how I have felt during these times: LOL

                  #9 ErinB


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                    Posted 30 April 2008 - 03:04 PM

                    How are you booking? If you are doing a group then I say go ahead and let the extra couple join. We booked as a goup and several people who swore up and down they would be there aren't coming so we were stuck trying to fill spots. In the end we lost about $3000 in deposits for people who said they were coming and didn't.

                    If you do have tag-alongs just don't invite them to the wedding/reception. If they want to use the time as a vacation that is fine.

                    #10 Hartyt509

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                      Posted 30 April 2008 - 03:41 PM

                      I feel it too lol

                      The best way to handle it is to say, have the vacation you aren't invited to the wedding - thats what i've done with one of my good m8s girlfriends, he changes gf like his pants, so i'm not having it lol FI has no option but to agree.

                      Don't get upset just stand firm

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