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ErinB

Need Advice--(LONG) Porn Issue

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I hate to say it, but they def need to talk about it. I think that if they wait until June for your wedding it is bringing something up from the past....never a good way to solve things! I know that she is uncomfortable with porn, but is it because she is not at all interested or because she has low self confidence? Asking this may seem odd, but it makes a big differece. Maybe they could watch a little bit together and it would strike up some intimacy between them. This may offer them both something good. He may stop sneeking around and feel more comfortable and she could gain some confidence, knowing that her guy is in to her. Eventually neither of them will feel like they need to watch. I would suggest that even with kids, they need to make time for them! Is there a mom/dad, inlaws to maybe watch the kids one night every couple of weeks? I understand stress, but you need to let her know that having kids can not be an excuse for not being intimate or be used as a crutch if they want their relationship to last. Kids and issues in a family will always be there.

I totally understand that this is hurtful to her. She needs to find out how often he has been doing this, and ask him why. She should also let him know that this makes her feel hurt and unappriciated....

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I think they need counseling. Sex issues are a touchy subject for most couples because it's taken very personally by both parties. So if she tries to talk to him about it, he could easily take it personally; or the opposite--- not give much credence to how she feels about the issue and she winds up offended.

 

I think counseling is needed for the communication issues. I also think that if she wants to get into the "why" behind porn, that an unbiased third party is a good way to do that. But I also gotta say, she may want to think about the "why" behind porn bothering her. Some people are uncomfortable because of their own lack of confidence and wonder if their guy is comparing them to someone else; or because they have mild jealousy that their guy finds someone else sexually attractive; etc...

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