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My Grandma's Funeral is tomorrow...is it okay if I don't talk??


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#1 michelle08

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    Posted 24 April 2008 - 11:51 PM

    Help! I am stressing out here. My family is not a very open and emotion sharing family. No one is pressuring anyone to get up and talk tomorrow, but a part of me feels like people will judge me if I don't? I just don't know if I can do it? I don't know if I can emotionally make it through and I honestly am at a loss for words. I keep trying to think of things to talk about and I have no idea!!

    Is this bad??

    #2 Maura

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    Posted 24 April 2008 - 11:57 PM

    michelle dont feel pressured, its absolutely your right to grieve silently if you wish to! if theres anything we can do for you, let us know. i know it's hard to lose someone you love.

    #3 Bride010101

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      Posted 25 April 2008 - 12:03 AM

      Quote:
      Originally Posted by Maura
      michelle dont feel pressured, its absolutely your right to grieve silently if you wish to! if theres anything we can do for you, let us know. i know it's hard to lose someone you love.

      I couldn't have said it better. Everyone grieves in their own way... and people understand that. When I lost my grandpa several years ago I was asked to get up and do a reading. There was no way I would be able to do it, so I respectively declined and instead wrote a poem to be put on one of the tables. (one of my other cousins actually ended up reading it during the ceremony because my grandma loved it so much) Do what you feel comfortable with. No one will judge you.

      Remember we are all here for you if you need anything. Hugs to you.

      #4 Saraha

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        Posted 25 April 2008 - 12:06 AM

        Like Maura said, dont do anything you arent comfortable doing. I dont know if I would be able to say anything at my grandmothers wedding. I dont know if I would be comfortable or control myself. People will understand and respect your decesion either way.

        #5 michelle08

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          Posted 25 April 2008 - 12:14 AM

          Quote:
          Originally Posted by Maura
          michelle dont feel pressured, its absolutely your right to grieve silently if you wish to! if theres anything we can do for you, let us know. i know it's hard to lose someone you love.
          Thanks!!! A part of me knows that...I guess I'm just afraid that I will look back and wish I did.

          Quote:
          Originally Posted by BeckyN
          I couldn't have said it better. Everyone grieves in their own way... and people understand that. When I lost my grandpa several years ago I was asked to get up and do a reading. There was no way I would be able to do it, so I respectively declined and instead wrote a poem to be put on one of the tables. (one of my other cousins actually ended up reading it during the ceremony because my grandma loved it so much) Do what you feel comfortable with. No one will judge you.

          It's good to know that there are other people who are in my situation and were not able to get up and talk either. My fiance's mother and aunt made the 7 grandchildren all speak at their grandma's funeral several years back! I can't believe they made them do it and didn't give them a choice but that is all I have to go off of beside you all on here so you are making me feel better... thanks!

          Remember we are all here for you if you need anything. Hugs to you.
          Quote:
          Originally Posted by Saraha
          Like Maura said, dont do anything you arent comfortable doing. I dont know if I would be able to say anything at my grandmothers wedding. I dont know if I would be comfortable or control myself. People will understand and respect your decesion either way.
          You are making me laugh...did you mean to say wedding or funeral? Gee is this a wedding forum or something :) :) Thanks..I needed that!

          #6 Saraha

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            Posted 25 April 2008 - 12:16 AM

            Oh good god yes!
            You can see where my mind is, sorry!

            #7 amyh

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              Posted 25 April 2008 - 12:18 AM

              I agree with the other girls, you don't need to say anything. Don't worry what everyone thinks, who cares, they are not in your position and everyone grieves differently. If you feel that you cannot speak then don't.

              #8 Bride010101

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                Posted 25 April 2008 - 12:23 AM

                [QUOTE=michelle08;358117]Thanks!!! A part of me knows that...I guess I'm just afraid that I will look back and wish I did.


                Everyone is different but I can honestly say that I don't regret it in the least. I like to believe my grandpa was with us that day and knows how much he was (and still is) in my heart.

                #9 CarrieRN

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                  Posted 25 April 2008 - 12:24 AM

                  I don't think you should feel pressured to do anything that makes you uncomfortable. At my grandfather's funeral a few weeks ago, none of us said anything. We just let the minister do her ceremony. Of course, we did go to my sister's house after and have lunch and drinks and we talked about Pappy there. I think the funeral is about honoring your Grandma's memory and I think you can do that without having to speak in front of others if that makes you uncomfortable. Sincere and silent is still grieving.
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                  #10 michelle08

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                    Posted 25 April 2008 - 12:38 AM

                    Everyone is different but I can honestly say that I don't regret it in the least. I like to believe my grandpa was with us that day and knows how much he was (and still is) in my heart.[/QUOTE] Thanks!!

                    Quote:
                    Originally Posted by CarrieRN
                    I don't think you should feel pressured to do anything that makes you uncomfortable. At my grandfather's funeral a few weeks ago, none of us said anything. We just let the minister do her ceremony. Of course, we did go to my sister's house after and have lunch and drinks and we talked about Pappy there. I think the funeral is about honoring your Grandma's memory and I think you can do that without having to speak in front of others if that makes you uncomfortable. Sincere and silent is still grieving.
                    Sorry for your loss. We are doing the same thing...having lunch and stuff afterward and I'm okay w/ all that...it's just the actual funeral and talking there and that is the other thing...I don't think any of us are talking and I think that is part of my internal pressure...I feel like I should speak for all of us...but you guys are helping me see that I don't have to and I don't have to feel guilty!




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