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hammstephanie

How do you "Uninvite" Guests?!!

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actually we were invited to a wedding this coming june. we received the std and then got a nice letter a few weeks later stating that the plans for the wedding had changed, and due to many unforeseen circumstances, they had decided to only invite family. dh and i laughed about it, saying we were uninvited, but we didn't look at them any differently...plans change, financial situations change, there are so many other reasons for cancelling or changing plans.....i think it's ok as long as no one has booked and you send out a nice letter with a broad explanation - nothing specific - and send it ASAP. if people have booked, then the show must go on.

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I think Lauren has it right. If anyone - even one person - has booked, you cannot change your plans without looking ill mannered.

 

On the other hand, if no one has booked and you can get info out ASAP (like tonight), then you're probably okay - still not great - but okay.

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I think that you can not uninvite guests once the STD's have been mailed out, unless the wedding location or date changes.

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Maura View Post
IMHO, it would be totally rude to uninvite all your friends. i know this sounds harsh, but if someone univited me like that, we would no longer be friends. this late in the game when it is so close to your wedding, what is the problem with just uninviting the person you had the falling out with? your other friends didnt do anything to you.

i totally agree with everything karen said above. especially:
Univiting someone to a DW isn't just telling them they can't come to a party.
I agree. Not everyone is as kind and understanding as Lauren either. If you were to uninvite your guests, they could take it wrong and a friendship could be ruined over it.

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Quote:
Originally Posted by CourtneyV View Post
I agree. Not everyone is as kind and understanding as Lauren either. If you were to uninvite your guests, they could take it wrong and a friendship could be ruined over it.
ha. haha. hahahaha. thanks courtney, that made me laugh - i'm a typical-mega-jersey-bitch!

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You said your wedding is 3 months away? If so it's far too late to uninvite. Surely 1 person has booked by now. Cancelling the wedding is one thing and I would understand, but having it anyway and saying I can't go anymore isn't cool. I'm not into etiquette so it's not that, it's just that some people sacrifice a lot to travel and that would be a wee bit disrespectful if they've booked already. I wouldn't end a friendship over it though, there are worse things in life.

 

I agree with Morgan here:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Morgan View Post
Just let your guest list self-select & sit back and see who ends up booking. In the end you get a group that is really excited about going.
So true. After I sent out the STD's I thought "Damn, what if all these people come?" because I wanted a small wedding. But I made that choice when I sent them out, I should have only sent them to 20 people if I wanted 10, you know? What I did was just kicked back and watched things unfold (a la Morgan) and I ended up with the perfect amount of people who really wanted to be there.

 

Above all focus on your FI and let things flow. If you're as in love as we were, I promise you that when you're in the middle of the ceremony the entire cast of LOST could be in the crowd and you wouldn't notice :P

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You two need to sit on this for a few days and think about it. Did you decide to uninvite your friends because of an issue with just one of them? If so reconsider your other friends.

If you still want just family, go ahead and send out a letter ASAP or start calling everyone. Its obviously not uncommon since Lauren got a letter that sorta uninvited them. If I got one and knew I could get my money back I wouldnt care. In fact I would just take the opportunity to go somewhere that I really wanted to go whether its to the wedding destination or elsewhere. But if I culdnt I would be pretty pissed off.

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Hi i think you need to spend some time thinking about the fall out here.Even if you havnt sent std etc.If you had spoken to me about attending and then said no you cant come i would forgive you as that is what friends do however i may not forget. it could come back and bite you in the bum later.i think you need to give yourselves time you may be able to work things out with her.how far away is the wedding?i would try and sleep on it you may regret your decisions time is a great healer.the other thing you might want to think about is has her actions made you verbalize your uncertanty about having everyone there ,are you now using the fight with your friend as a way to avoid the plans you had set.i know from experience that after a good nights sleep things dont seem so bad in the morning. friendships change you may have had to learn the hard way.you have obviously been hurt by her but try and be bigger than her and even if you cant let it go remain friends but dont put yourself in the position to get hurt again by her.anger and bitterness create lines on your face, hey you need to look pretty on your wedding day. take a deep breath and think and count to 200 if need be, hug your h2b and smile you have lots to look forwards to.hope that helps xx

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Thank you all for your wonderful advice. You're absolutely right, it is rude to "take back" our invites for all our friends when it is just one who has caused our dilema. We've talked to that "friend" and hope things will smooth over, but made it clear that if things do not change and she is not supportive of us and our marriage, we don't think it's right she be there to celebrate it.

 

We appreciate your quick replies and are very happy we've choosen not to change all our plans for one person!

 

Sincerely,

Relieved Bride from Wisconsin

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