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Lost a bridesmaid

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#1 Bride010101

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    Posted 16 April 2008 - 10:17 AM

    **updated page 3**

    I just recieved a phone call last night from one my BMs saying she would no longer be able to attend due to financial reasons. I am trying to be understanding... as I knew money would be an issue with some of my friends... but its frustrating because I asked her after she told me she was 99% sure she would be able to come. She was the one that assured me the price was extremely reasonable for a week in Jamaica - and that since I gave every enough time our friends should be able to figure it out.

    I know she is waiting for a ring from her current boyfriend... so I dont know, maybe she is planning on getting it soon and realizing she will have her own wedding to save for

    Argh. It greatly upset me last night but I am starting to get over it. But of course last week I decided to finally go for it and order my flowers (signed the contract and paid AAs) and started ordering gifts for the bridal party.

    Now I'm not sure what to do. I am relatively okay with just having 3 girls and having an uneven number bridal party... but my OCD-like tendacies prefers matching. (stupid I know). My mom immediately suggested asking my cousin who wouldn't miss the trip for anything - but she honestly drives me nuts and likes to make everything about her.

    My first thought was to ask my future, future sister in law (current FI of my FI's brother... they are getting married like 6 months after us). I don't see her that often because she is in Canada... but ever since I started my wedding planning shei has been super supportive and we email back and forth a couple times a week. Now that they are engaged as well, we have been sharing all of our details and plans back and forth for both wedding and nonwedding stuff (future, houses, kids, family vacas, etc). But part of me worries it is to late to ask her... is it rude to ask someone to step up so late? Also, I don't want her to feel that because I asked her, she would have to ask me. (She just sorted out her own bridal party issue).

    Any thoughts on the proper way to proceed? Is it okay to ask someone so late in the process? Should I just suck it up and be okay with an uneven bridal party?

    **updated page 3**

    #2 lscilley

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      Posted 16 April 2008 - 10:18 AM

      I don't think it's rude I would ask her. Just tell her the situation and explain that she was the first person you thought of next. I think she will be thrilled!

      #3 starchild



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        Posted 16 April 2008 - 10:21 AM

        Sorry...it happens to the best of brides I think it's fine to leave it uneven, but if you really really want even numbers I would ask someone you want to be in your wedding and who won't feel weird that she was a 2nd choice. Good luck and I hope it turns out well :)

        #4 becks



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          Posted 16 April 2008 - 10:23 AM

          I agree - tell her that you've become close over the last several months and she was your first thought. If it were me, I'd totally be touched!

          And if you're worried about her feeling like she needs to reciprocate, tell her that she doesn't and don't think twice about it.

          Happily married since 2008

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          #5 ACDCDCAC

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          Posted 16 April 2008 - 10:24 AM

          Originally Posted by lscilley
          I don't think it's rude I would ask her. Just tell her the situation and explain that she was the first person you thought of next. I think she will be thrilled!
          i agree. i was gonna say the same exact thing :)

          #6 Christine

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          Posted 16 April 2008 - 10:28 AM

          I think she would appreciate you asking, and explain just what you have to us, she will be honored. One of my BM's got married just before I did and we had agreed to not be in either of each other's weddings but when it came time to plan mine we wound up having more people in the wedding so I asked her and she was so excited and then said she felt bad I wasn't in hers and I told her I was just happy that we could both be there for each other. Don't let it ruin things, just ask her and if she doesn't want to then things will be uneven and no one will even notice.
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          #7 Dez921714

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            Posted 16 April 2008 - 10:31 AM

            I agree with everyone else. Ask her, tell her she was the first person you thought of because you feel closer to her lately and that you don't expect to be asked to be in hers.
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            #8 Kristy!


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              Posted 16 April 2008 - 12:31 PM

              I was asked to be a BM way after everyone else one time. It didn't bother me at all. And you still have 9 months, so it's definitely not too late. I would ask the future in-law.

              #9 SunBride

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                Posted 16 April 2008 - 12:32 PM

                definitely don't ask the cousin, that looks like a disaster waiting to happen (i.e. annoying you on your wedding day) and definitely ask your future sister in law, it sounds like you guys have been gettign close lately and she will be so honored. If it was me I would completely 100% understand the situation (i.e. you were probably not as close with her when you initially chose your bridesmaids, plus you wanted matching numbers, and now you have an opening and you thought of her because you gusy have gotten closer recently).

                #10 jajajaja

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                  Posted 16 April 2008 - 12:44 PM

                  Since you are closer now, I don't think it would be offensive to ask her late. Normally, I don't like the idea of brides asking people late to just fill numbers but in this case, I think it's a little different. You have gotten closer with the planning of the wedding, so I think it's a tad different.

                  If that doesn't work, I wouldn't worry about uneven numbers. I had them and even though I'm an "even" person to, it wasn't a big deal. The girls walked down the aisle singlely and the pictures of the party were staggered. I don't think it will be too obvious it was uneven.

                  As for your friend, I can't really say much since I don't know her. However, since she is your friend I would like to assume she has the best intentions. Maybe she really did think financially she would be able to go, but something happened and now she doesn't think so.

                  When it comes to DW, I think we have to be a little more open minded and realize not everyone will make it a priority. While friends should, asking those that don't have a ton of money to spend the little money they do on us can be a sticky situation. At least she gave you plenty of notice and didn't throw you this problem a few months prior to the wedding after everything was purchased.
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