| Originally Posted by JessicaLovesBrian |
I agree with Ann. I don't think ultimatiums shoud be given. I hate, hate, hate that with a passion. That's such a deal breaker for me. I'm best friends with an ex who was my first love. There was a period when Brian felt uncomfortable with it, but if he ever said "it's him or me" Brian would have been gone. But instead he expressed his concern about my relationship with my ex and we talked through it. That's just my opinion though.
It is FI's responsibility to set boundaries. I don't think you should tell him who and who he is not allowed to be friends with. You can tell him what you are uncomfortable with and if he chooses to do something that you are not cool with you need to re-evaluate your relationship from there. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm sure she is doing things that you have a valid reason to be upset about but it's really not her that's the issue, it's your FI and his desire to be friends with her that is really causing the problem.
| Originally Posted by lambert13 |
I'm a bit late to this one, but....
I'm going to piggyback on Ann's advice.
1. When you say that it's not him that you don't trust, it's her......what you really mean is that you don't trust him around her. If you thought he had golden intentions and unwavering fidelity, it wouldn't matter what she did because you would know that he would reject anything she tried. Not saying that it's bad to think that way, but placing the blame on her instead of him is not right.
2. Ann was right that it is his responsibility to tell T what he wants to happen, not yours. And he can't shift the blame onto you when he talks to her. Otherwise it comes off as "I don't really want to stop talking to you, but I have to because of Jenny". That gives her an open door to keep on behaving like she is.
3. As for the wrestling match........ whether you were there, walking towards them or 1000 miles away it is his responsibility to stop shit like that from happening. That just aint right. That should be stopped by HIM not you because he does not want to disrespect you whether you are there or not.
4. You can't try to convince your future sister inlaw about this girl either. It's not your place. Even by 'giving your side of the story' you are trying to get her to think about T the way you do. Especially if she and T have been friends for 10 years. She obviously sees something in T that makes her want to be friends with her and it's not up to you to change it.