Posted 19 April 2008 - 10:52 AM
I totally ruined so many very special times thinking that my FI was going to do it, and then when he didn't, as much as I wanted to be cool about it, I'd end up being sad and then eventually mad at him. I ruined 2 Christmases, 2 trips to Europe and one of my birthdays that way. I always thought he was acting weird and that he was totally going to do it, but looking back, I was so projecting what I hoped he was doing! Finally, one of my friends sat me down and told me that I was pushing it away from me by fixating on it so much. She had done the same thing with her husband before they got engaged, and someone had the same talk with her. She pointed out that I was ruining the whole thing the way I was acting, and that it would be so much more special if I just let go, stopped thinking about it (very hard!) and let it happen when it happened. I ended up having a huge talk with my FI and apologized for the way I'd been acting and the pressure he'd obviously been feeling. I promised him that I wouldn't bring up the subject again until we were engaged. He was visibly relieved! It was so hard at first, but I did stop thinking about it. I figured it would be months and months before he proposed, maybe even a year. Then, maybe a month after we had this talk, he proposed on Valentine's day, and totally shocked me! I had NO IDEA it was coming, and it was so special. I'm now firmly of the view that as soon as you let go of the pressure, it happens so easily and so naturally and it's so special. Have a great time tomorrow, and if it happens, yay! If it doesn't, it will when it's right.