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"Friend" Vent


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#1 LadyCheese

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    Posted 11 April 2008 - 10:12 PM

    I got home from work today to find out that my friend RSVP "NO" to the wedding....Ive been friends with this girl (I used to work with her) for like 5 years...we had a falling out once over something dumb and didnt speak for a year...however we reconciled and became good friends again. We are like ying and yang but we got along good for the most part. But she's not the type to pick up the phone to call me or ask me if i want to go to the mall with her...she's just never been like that...come to think of it, our friendship mainly existed in the confines of our job, however when we worked togetehr at least we would go out to eat on occassion and or go to the mall and shop....but after we stopped working together, our friendship continued in the form of emails only (and an occasional text, mainly on my part). Even though we dont have a typical/normal friendship, I didnt think she would miss my wedding. We talk (via email) almost everyday and she asks me every once in a while how my planning is going but she never once said "unfortunately I wont be able to attend"..etc. Tomorrow is the "RSVP By-date" and so today I go on our website and see that she checked off that she couldnt attend. I dont know if I should ask her why she wont be able to make it or if I should just let it be. Thats another thing I forgot to mention, she only has 2 friends, me and someone else....whenever I invite her out for my bday she doesnt want to come and the one time she came she was anti-social the whole night. I invited her on one girls trip and she also declined. She has attended my daughter's bday party several times but again she makes no attempt to convesate with people or to even look like she's having a good time. Even though I know she's this antisocial person, I somehow still thought she would go to my wedding (and I know that money is not a factor in this). Oh well, sorry I had to vent and boy was it a long one!!

    #2 jajajaja

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      Posted 11 April 2008 - 10:22 PM

      Well after reading that, maybe it's a good thing she isn't going. On our trip, everyone was a tight knit group. We did have one guest that wasn't friends with everyone prior and I think she felt left out at times- kinda her own doing though. She sat in her room most of the time cause she was "burnt." No one likes a party pooper. While it sucks she didn't tell you face to face, it's probably a good thing she isn't going, ya know? This way you don't have to feel obligated to make her have a good time.

      We were in MX with our guests a week then had a week to ourselves. It was so nice to send all the guests packing (although we loved them to pieces) because I got so tired of worrying about if everyone had a good time!
      Happily married since 2008

      #3 LadyCheese

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        Posted 11 April 2008 - 10:28 PM

        You're right!! No one likes a party pooper...and FI has had enough of her antics when she comes to our daughter's party. It just kinda sucks but now more than ever I really can see that our so-called "friendship" is not really a friendship. Thanks for the advice :)

        #4 jajajaja

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          Posted 11 April 2008 - 10:46 PM

          I definitely think there are different levels of friendships. I have work friends but I never really hang out with them outside of work. It's probably because I'm a snob. :)

          In this particular situation, I wouldn't be upset. There's so many other things to worry about than worrying if someone who's miserable is coming to your wedding.
          Happily married since 2008

          #5 rodent

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            Posted 11 April 2008 - 11:10 PM

            Quote:
            Originally Posted by LC_Rachel
            I definitely think there are different levels of friendships. I have work friends but I never really hang out with them outside of work. It's probably because I'm a snob. :)

            In this particular situation, I wouldn't be upset. There's so many other things to worry about than worrying if someone who's miserable is coming to your wedding.
            I missed your & your silly one liners :) Don't ever leave us again!

            I don't like getting too close to work friends. I like being friends with my coworkers but not really outside of work. Its not my particular coworkers. I'm this way at every job.

            I wouldn't worry about it. I have some really close friends who are not going. It's completely fine with me.

            #6 Yari

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              Posted 12 April 2008 - 05:54 PM

              Sorry this is happening to you.

              It is probably for the best that she doesn't attend...but I understand why your feelings are hurt.

              #7 foxytv

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                Posted 12 April 2008 - 06:26 PM

                Tom and I made a pact when we decided on a DW that we would not be hurt or upset if someone couldn't go. There are always any number of reasons -- finances, timing, not knowing enough of the other people, you name it. We as DW brides need to realize that while it's most definitely our most important day -- it's NOT going to be the biggest priority to others ... especially not if you aren't super-close friends (and in most cases, even if you ARE).

                Truthfully, I think we just have to suck it up when people we hoped/thought would be attending decide that they can't / won't. A DW is a lot to ask of people ... and I have had to say 'no' to several even though I really would have loved to have gone simply b/c of $$ in the past.

                #8 Hartyt509

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                  Posted 12 April 2008 - 07:26 PM

                  One of my ex work friends has just done the same thing to me. Used to talk to her everyday but since i asked her to the wedding i hear from her when she wants to know how to do her job!

                  And when she does call she begrugedly asks about the wedding so last time i said to her "don't know why you're asking you aren't interested" lmao

                  You've just gotta let it ride,you can't change people and they will do exactly what they want no matter how hurtful x

                  #9 LadyCheese

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                    Posted 13 April 2008 - 09:58 PM

                    Quote:
                    Originally Posted by foxytv
                    Tom and I made a pact when we decided on a DW that we would not be hurt or upset if someone couldn't go. There are always any number of reasons -- finances, timing, not knowing enough of the other people, you name it. We as DW brides need to realize that while it's most definitely our most important day -- it's NOT going to be the biggest priority to others ... especially not if you aren't super-close friends (and in most cases, even if you ARE).

                    Truthfully, I think we just have to suck it up when people we hoped/thought would be attending decide that they can't / won't. A DW is a lot to ask of people ... and I have had to say 'no' to several even though I really would have loved to have gone simply b/c of $$ in the past.
                    Thx Tami, you are right!! My FI has learned not too take it personal when someone says they cannot attend the wedding and I need to learn how to do the same. I cant expect everyone to say yes, no matter who the person is. I'm over it now...thank you all for the input, it really helped.

                    #10 amyrak

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                      Posted 13 April 2008 - 10:44 PM

                      Yes, I feel your pain. An aunt that I am really close with is not going (her daughter(my cuz) is in my wedding) I'm not really sure why but I don't want to press. At first I thought it was because it was an adults only resort and she thought it was only couples going. I know it's not due to money either. It just kind of hurts my feelings because she went to one of our good friends wedding last year in CA and she isn't going to mine. It may be because we are having a reception back home too though that she feels she doesn't have to go. But I went to her daughters (my other cousin) in Vegas and I really didn't have the money to go but I just chose to.
                      I guess what I'm saying is who really wants to be there for you will go no matter what. And you shouldn't feel bad if someone can't make it because whose important to you most will be there!




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