Reasons I regret asking my sister to be my MOH (LONG vent)

[Maura]

First let me say, my sister lives in Chicago, and at no time did she tell me that she had plans to go to LA to work for my aunt all summer because she said she would be here to help with wedding stuff. She has done ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to help me, even when I ask her to do the simplest of tasks like look up a phone number. Last week, she still hadn’t done ANYTHING about my shower invitations or organizing the shower at all, not even returned my best friends emails about the shower, which she was supposed to help plan. My best friend decided to take over and just do the invitations this week so they got done and sent for the June 7th shower. My aunt in Chicago is throwing the shower for family/my mom’s friends on June 28th and she is handling everything for that so I don’t have to help. My sister informed me today she’s probably not coming to EITHER of my showers!

 

My grandma told one of my aunts that she would pay for my sister’s plane ticket to Cabo, all she had to do was ask for the money. My sister won’t ask for whatever her selfish reason. She has not even responded at all to the STD card I sent her. She called to tell me she got it, and when the deadline for preliminary RSVPs passed, I called her to ask if she could let me know ASAP whether her boyfriend would be coming. She said sure, but then never did let me know, and this was almost 3 weeks ago.

 

I just had this conversation with her over IM and I don’t know whether to cry or just kick her out of the wedding altogether:

 

Maura: are you going to be here for my bridal showers?

Trisha: when are they

Maura: june 7th and june 28th

Trisha: prob only one of them if at all

Maura: which one

Trisha: i have no idea, it depends how much flights are

Maura: are you and rob coming to the wedding? i know you havent really made any plans yet

Trisha: bc i dont have money

Maura: i know, i understand, but are you planning on finding a way to get there?

Our aunt from LA is flying down just for friday & saturday and leaving sunday she said

you could probably fly with her. flights from LA are decently inexpensive.

Trisha: yeah im sure we will fly together

Maura: but bottom line you DO plan on being there right? what about rob?

Trisha: yeah idk about him. why couldnt u just have a wedding here, its so complicated for everyone

Maura: its incredibly expensive to get married in chicago, and i couldnt afford to pay for it here. jose and i wanted to do it in mexico because we didn’t want to pay a ton for a wedding here and then also have to invite people we didn’t really want, like people from work

Trisha: whats the rush

Maura: you know, i REALLY dont like how whenever i need to discuss wedding stuff you are never really available or give me lukewarm answers to things and are totally unsupportive, but then when you need something from me you have no problem using me to help you do your resume, your cover letters, how to write professional emails etc.

Trisha: thats not true, you havent asked me to do anything except pick out a dress (OMG IS SHE KIDDING? )

Maura: i asked you to help plan my shower, which you agreed to do, you havent said one word about it. my shower invitations have to be sent out next week so laura was nice enough to just make them and she shipped them to me so that one of the other hostesses can address the shower invitations

Maura: you keep asking me "whats the rush?", well im asking you wtf. i didnt ask for your opinion about the appropriate amount of time to wait before getting married. but i did ask you to stand up in my wedding as my maid of honor because you are my sister and i expected that you would support my decisions whether or not you agreed with them. is that too much to ask?

Trisha: im just surprised sorry if that offends you

Maura: i have been engaged for 5 months now, dont you think if you werent going to be there for me, maybe you couldve let me know sooner? surprised or not, that should NOT make a difference in you supporting my decision, i am an adult. i am so sick of mom's entire side of the family. nobody is supporting me. it is really embarassing to have to explain to friends and to jose's family. you dont understand how stressful planning a wedding is, it brings out the worst in everyone in your family

Trisha: exactly my point, if its so stressful why cram it into a couple months

Maura: its not stressful because i'm "cramming it into a couple of months" -- i had 9 months to plan the wedding which is plenty of time, its the misbehavior of our family that is the cause of my stress. the planning part has been mostly easy and most everything is done except for the dj and the florist for the arrangements for the church and centerpieces for the reception my dress arrived monday, im picking it up saturday

the problem is how poorly mannered our family is

Trisha: well you started the feud by having a wedding in a place where not everyone can afford to go

Trisha: i have to go to class we will finish this later

 

OK, first WTF?!??!?!?!

 

My sister has been TOTALLY unsupportive since I got engaged. Practically the entire side of my mom’s family is against my DW, claiming they cant afford to go (like the aunt who is finishing her basement for $40K instead but feels guilty so is throwing me a shower), and only my one aunt from LA is coming and not even bringing her husband and daughter. I originally wanted my cousin to be my flower girl, but when I called my aunt to ask, she said no because Natalie will be in a Kindergarten boot camp to prepare for starting Kindergarten in a few weeks, and they didn’t want to take her out for one day on Friday to fly down because the camp was expensive and they “want her to be prepared.” Prepared for Kindergarten I’m sorry, but when I was in Kindergarten, all we did was have story time, cut construction with safety scissors and learn the days of the week. I am not even going to touch that with a ten foot pole but you all know what I am thinking. So my uncle isnt coming with my aunt because he has to stay home to take care of my cousin – like they cant find a babysitter for the weekend…they have a nanny….that is a WHOLE other can of worms.

 

So my sister is going out to LA in early June and will miss my first shower for sure, the one she was supposed to help plan. Then basically she wont have money to buy a ticket to Cabo until the end of June when she gets paid. She could share a hotel room with my aunt, that’s not an issue. But WTF. She called me the other day because she overdrew her bank account AGAIN, and she needed $25 to cover it before she got an overdraft fee. She was afraid to call our mom because she does this almost every month and my mom screams at her. I told her this was THE LAST TIME I would ever bail her out and that she needed to learn to be responsible with her money. I made her give me access to her online chase account so I could see how she was spending, and she wastes her money on stupid shit like buying jewelry from Forever 21 instead of groceries, so when she goes to eat, she just slides her debit card and overdraws! IDIOT!!!!!! I am SO SICK of being used, and getting NOTHING from a relationship with her in return!!!!!!

 

This is REALLY stressing me out. The wrath I’d incur from my mom’s family from kicking my sister out of the wedding is really not worth the rude phone calls…. What should I do? I basically will not know for SURE that my MOH is coming to the wedding until one month before! I really wish I had just asked my best friend to be my MOH from the get go.

[Yari]

You poor thing!

 

 

Wow, reading your IM conversation was painful. She sounds very selfish. I don't have any wise advice, but just know that I am thinking of you.

[Kat81]

Maura, this is horrible. I can't believe she is treating you like that. Maybe she is slightly jealous? Or your Mom has been feeding her a lot of bull? What do you think about bumping your friend to MOH and your sis down to BM then if she doesn't show up... then she doesn't show up. You need someone supporting you to be there for you!! I wish there was something I could do or say... this sucks.

[KarmaB]

So sorry you are going through all this now Maura. She really sounds like a immature brat. If I were you, I would demote her. If she decides to participate she can be a plain BM. You deserve to have a great MOH, not someone who can't even commit to coming.

[Kristy!]

Honestly (and I'm surprised I'm saying this), I'd kick her out. Your MOH is supposed to be helping you, not causing more stress. Plus you don't even know if she'll be at the wedding.

 

I'm so sorry you're dealing with MORE family drama. Good luck with your decision.

[jajajaja]

Awww Maura that really sucks and I know aside from all the anger, it's probably pretty painful too.

 

Here's what I would do- I would let your sister do what she wants. If she doesn't show up to anything (including the wedding) that's on her. She will feel like shit later if she's a good sister. I know you want her to be supportive and to be a sister, but apparently she's a little self involved at the moment.

 

Last minute, she doesn't come- why not just have another friend act as MOH and hold your flowers, help you primp and do all the other MOH duties. It's not worth all the stress. As for your whole family drama- again, that's on them. If they can't afford to go then what are you suppose to do? Most of Jose's family is in Mexico right? How does your family think that probably should be fairly solved? If it's cheaper for you guys in the long run and less expensive, do what you need to do and forget about all the people who aren't helpful along the way.

 

In the meantime, I'm really sorry you have to deal with it all. It's worth it in the end.

[monicabrandon2008]

My gosh, I'm so sorry that you have NO support from your side of the family. I don't know what you should do but keep your head high and know that you are a better person. Don't let them get you down. So, your sister hasn't gotten a dress yet I don't know, if one of my sisters were treating me that way I would more than likely tell them nevermind and have my best friend as the MOH. It seems your sister should surely understand. After reading the IM it seems she may not be able to make it anyhow! I have two sisters and neither can afford to go but one made sure to save and the other can't come. My point is no one should be making you feel like your the bad person because you want to get married in Mexico. I know your FI's family is in Mexico. Maybe your family thinks you are only thinking of FI's family and not your side of the family. Regardless what they think they should love and support your decisions. Like you said, you're an adult!

[jajajaja]

I also meant to add- my sister/MOH or BM really helped with anything. They even didn't stand in the right places during the ceremony so my BM looked like my MOH. Idiots. Truly though, I'd rather do it all myself because even if they did help I wouldn't trust them. They'd do it half-assed.

[Kat81]

I'm sorry but nobody can possible be more broke than my Mother. She has been through so much in the past two years. She is seriously living in a dumpy house and working two jobs just to get money saved back up. She is the first one that said she was going! Little does she know we are paying for her trip BUT that is beside the point. If MY mom can do it in 8 months notice. Anybody that REALLY wants to be there can.

[Jacqueline]

Aw I am so sorry that you have to deal with this, it really sux. Hugs to you! It's such a hard call b/c its your fam and you dont want to make things worse or cause bad blood with your fam. But still, I'd be so mad and upset too. If it were me I'd talk to her calmly and say never mind it to her. Do you think your BF would be your MOH? Is it to short of notice?