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I need advice on whom to invite

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Ok I have a problem and I need advice. My FI's mother (who is not to keen on a DW wedding) told me that pretty much no one in her family can afford to go to Cabo so I shouldn't even bother inviting them. I feel that even if they can't go I should send them the invite so at least they know that they were invited and that we wanted them there. She thinks its a waste of money and that they will just feel sad b/c they can't go. Also, I recently had my mother and sister get my family's addresses. Most of them had attitude about the whole DW (one aunt actually called me a hypocrite b/c she said I was inviting people knowing they wouldn't go). Now I feel silly inviting all of our families since almost all of them are not planning to attend and I don't want them to think that we are fishing for gifts. On the same token I now think it's tacky to not invite them since my mom and my sister called everyone to get their addresses? What should I do?

 

-Glenda

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In my opinion, I say invite who you want to invite. If they can't go, that's unfortunate, but it's not your problem. That sounds cold - but it's YOUR wedding, YOUR celebration, YOUR choice. This is one time where it really is all about you two.

 

Now, if all of those relatives really can't go, they can choose the "no" option of the RSVP. Then they can throw the invite out if it upsets that that bad. Sheesh. Tell them you will send them pictures!

 

I don't get how people can think that somehow it's up to you to accomodate them on your wedding day!? Sheesh.

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I think you should send invites to everyone. Its your wedding, they have no reason to be angry! If you don't send invites then they'll turn around and complain that you didn't invite them. They have no right to blame you if they cannot go. My answer to everone who makes comments on having a DW is, "Are you paying for my wedding?"

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Let me tell you what happened with my invitees. I asked my dad who I should invite from his family, way back last fall when I sent out STD's. He doesn't really talk to his 4 brothers and 1 sister very often, just holiday gatherings, but they're still a pretty close family if that makes any sense at all. Anyway, he told me not to invite any of them because none of them would be able to afford it and it would just make them feel bad (hmm...sounds familiar huh Glenda?). So, now fast forward to our Christmas party where all of my aunts and uncles are now asking me all kinds of details about the wedding, where it is, and why they didn't get invited! I have to close my room block on Friday and some people probably would have booked a room if my parents hadn't decided to make up people's minds for them...Now they're having trouble finding childcare and don't know if they will be able to come...

 

So, long story short: Invite who you think you would want there, not who your parents or anyone else thinks will come. You will be surprised (or at least I have been) at how many people initially say they will come and don't follow through, and how some that you never would imagine would make the effort are coming. Go figure...

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Well said Sarah & Ann, I totally agree with both of your responses. Forget what anyone else says & send invitations to the people you were inclined to in the first place.

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I am sending STD's to everyone, everyone. If I were having a wedding here and I would invite them to that, I am sending them STD's. If they can't come, they will tell me they can't come and that is fine. That is how I look at it. Those who want to be there, will be there.

 

On the same note, my FI and I had a talk on Saturday night, one of his best friends, who he was going to ask to be one of his GM's, girlfriend told my FI that they can't come to the wedding due to the cost. He was so upset and I am so mad at this. Why does she have to make that decision. If she were a good person who cared about her BF, she would tell him that he should go without her b/c they can't both afford to go. Am I wrong on this one? He is so upset b/c this friend can not come. Here I am, with a friend who is a full time student and her husband who still does not have a work visa in our country and she is coming no matter what and my sister who's husband just passed away will have a 2 year old and a new baby and be on mat leave (making next to no money) is coming. And this guy who has a great job, can't come b/c they can't both afford to go. I don't know what to tell my FI to ease his mind. I feel so bad for him.

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glenda,

 

the ladies have given you awesome advice. do not let others guilt and issues become YOUR problem. when we first decided on a DW we thought we were lucky if 10 people came because my mom just guilt tripped the heck out of me.

 

well we had almost 60 and they ALL had a blast and my mom is so pro-DW now! she is the hypocrite smile105.gif

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Thanks guys you are the absolute best. It's weird I will talk to my friends about this and they will give me the same advice but it doesn't make me feel better. Then I'll hear it from you guys and poof I feel all better. I feel like we all understand each other b/c we are in the same boat. I am going to go ahead and invite everyone and if they don't want to come then so be it. On another note Jules I am so sorry about your FI's best friend. That really sucks! Is there anyway that you guys can pay for his trip so that they can use their money for her trip? I know it sucks and is totally unfair but I would be willing to make the sacrifice to make my FI happy. I really think that there is no other way around it if you want him there b/c she will probably give him hell if he went w/o her! I hope this all works out. Can't they just use their tax return money? It's not like your wedding is tomorrow or anything, they still have time to save for heaven's sake!! grouphug.gif

 

-Glenda

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I sent STD's out 9 months before the wedding to everyone we could imagine being there. Those who rsvp'd by the date we set will be getting a formal invitation soon, those who already said they cannot come will not get one.

 

It feels like our burden but it shouldn't be. Your wedding, your location, your happiness. Good people will respect that and come if they can. Good people who can't come will rsvp with a no and wish you well. Don't worry about anyone else :)

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