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I Gotta Personal Question/Problem ~ Women


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#51 jean-marcus

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    Posted 31 March 2008 - 06:43 PM

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by JaimeLynne
    the problem isn't getting him ready though... it's getting us girls ready!
    i know that... i have been following along... i was just commenting on the other girls response...

    #52 Martha

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      Posted 31 March 2008 - 06:49 PM

      Quote:
      Originally Posted by JaimeLynne
      the problem isn't getting him ready though... it's getting us girls ready!


      It works for us too...well, me anyhow.

      #53 Martha

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        Posted 31 March 2008 - 06:50 PM

        Quote:
        Originally Posted by Morgan
        Okay....you got me.

        #54 melwru

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          Posted 31 March 2008 - 06:57 PM

          Wow! So glad I am not alone on this one. Ok, so I was on OBC for about 15 years. My Doctor originally put me on it for dysmenorrhea. It cured me totally. I remained on it for years using it for both the above mentioned as well as contraception. As the years went on my libido plummeted to an all time low. I used to tell my twin sister(who was the only one other than my FI that I confided in) that I felt "neutered". I didnt want sex, I didnt ever think about sex and when I finally gave in to "sympathy sex" my body wouldnt <ahem> "respond" or "prepare" for the sex(is that too graphic, im trying to keep it PG). I think my FI is super sexy and totally attractive( I mean come on, he's a Firefighter!). It is in no way, HIM! We fight and fight about it. We have been together for 7 years living together for 5. He would love sex 3-4 times a week. Im happy to have sex about 2-3 times a month..maybe. its awful, I feel so bad for him. We used to have a wonderful sex life. we couldnt keep our hands off of eachother. But he doesnt understand my issue. So I thought, maybe it was the OBC causing this lack of libido. I went off OBC, went to my doctor and had an IUD put in. I have had it for about 4 months now and have seen NO change in my libido. I did a little research into OBC and libido and what I found was not reassuring. Some of the liturature states that long time use of OBC can affect the way androgens are absorbed into the bloodstream and metabolized by the liver. Androgens are what helps us with our "horniness". This androgen "issue" has ,in some instances, been non-reversible and permanent! Therefore, it may NOT get better. I get so jealous of my friends who talk about their crazy "swinging from the chandelier" sex lives, and all I can think about was how I managed to fake a headache AGAIN last night to avoid having to be intimate with my FI. I hope so badly, that my libido comes back. Both for me and for FI. Its not fair to him at all. We arent even married yet. I'm tired of feeling "neutered"! I want my libido and desire back to the way it was . I'd even settle for 50% of what it was. I want to want sex. I want to get freaky with my FI! lol

          #55 rodent

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            Posted 31 March 2008 - 07:07 PM

            I saw an oprah episode where the couple was having the same problem. So she decided they would have sex every day for a month. It sounded like it jump started her desire & feeling good about herself. Her husband just stood next to her with a stupid grin.

            Most of the women I know who I'm close enough to disscuss this with have the exact same issue. It's great that you brought it up sarah. Just a warning though- when you give him that book you better be prepared :)

            #56 michelle08

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              Posted 31 March 2008 - 07:36 PM

              I could write a book on this topic!! But I won't.

              I agree with all of you ladies and I am in the exact same boat! I have been on BC since I was 16 (since I started having sex) so 13 years! I have tried a few different ones but not many. I think I have always had this problem...so maybe it is the bc??

              I have no problem feeling horny when I am drinking! My new thing is to drink wine (a little too much) so that I can get in the mood and fiance is all for it. I feel really bad for him too because he doesn't deserve it and I know guys have some sick obsession with sex. At the same time though I want him to at least try and understand where I am coming from...I guess in a way he does or else he wouldn't be marrying me!

              I just put it on the back burner and there is always something more important like cleaning or it used to be homework and I told him that when school was out I wouldn't be so busy so I would be more alert for sex. Well now that school is done, I have the wedding planning and the gym and work and my nights are long, etc...

              It just never ends and although i can't forsee being that busy when the wedding is over, I know I will have some excuse as to why I am so busy to have sex!

              I want to change so badly too and I am attracted to him and I think about him when he isn't here but then I get home and into the same stupid routine and it just kills the ideas I may have thought of earlier!

              I too hate my body right now and I have been much thinner! So it's just a number of things.

              I don't want to start gaining weight and breaking out, etc...by switching bc pills/methods so I am just going to wait until the weddings over but I am going to talk to the doc first and try a different one and if that doesn't work then I may just go off bc altogether and try that for a while (just so scared about getting prego...so not ready for that yet).

              So gals, hang in there...but at least we all know we aren't alone...

              #57 Saraha

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                Posted 31 March 2008 - 07:44 PM

                Quote:
                Originally Posted by melwru
                Wow! So glad I am not alone on this one. Ok, so I was on OBC for about 15 years. My Doctor originally put me on it for dysmenorrhea. It cured me totally. I remained on it for years using it for both the above mentioned as well as contraception. As the years went on my libido plummeted to an all time low. I used to tell my twin sister(who was the only one other than my FI that I confided in) that I felt "neutered". I didnt want sex, I didnt ever think about sex and when I finally gave in to "sympathy sex" my body wouldnt <ahem> "respond" or "prepare" for the sex(is that too graphic, im trying to keep it PG). I think my FI is super sexy and totally attractive( I mean come on, he's a Firefighter!). It is in no way, HIM! We fight and fight about it. We have been together for 7 years living together for 5. He would love sex 3-4 times a week. Im happy to have sex about 2-3 times a month..maybe. its awful, I feel so bad for him. We used to have a wonderful sex life. we couldnt keep our hands off of eachother. But he doesnt understand my issue. So I thought, maybe it was the OBC causing this lack of libido. I went off OBC, went to my doctor and had an IUD put in. I have had it for about 4 months now and have seen NO change in my libido. I did a little research into OBC and libido and what I found was not reassuring. Some of the liturature states that long time use of OBC can affect the way androgens are absorbed into the bloodstream and metabolized by the liver. Androgens are what helps us with our "horniness". This androgen "issue" has ,in some instances, been non-reversible and permanent! Therefore, it may NOT get better. I get so jealous of my friends who talk about their crazy "swinging from the chandelier" sex lives, and all I can think about was how I managed to fake a headache AGAIN last night to avoid having to be intimate with my FI. I hope so badly, that my libido comes back. Both for me and for FI. Its not fair to him at all. We arent even married yet. I'm tired of feeling "neutered"! I want my libido and desire back to the way it was . I'd even settle for 50% of what it was. I want to want sex. I want to get freaky with my FI! lol
                I think you just described our relationship.... to a T!!!
                I know exactly what you are going through, just frustrated on how to fix it. I like how you put it...I WANT TO WANNA HAVE SEX!!! LOL
                I just wish it was that easy.... I can just go get a new toy at the store and it will automatically make me wanna... I dont know just wish I had the sex drive.

                Quote:
                Originally Posted by Morgan
                I saw an oprah episode where the couple was having the same problem. So she decided they would have sex every day for a month. It sounded like it jump started her desire & feeling good about herself. Her husband just stood next to her with a stupid grin.

                Most of the women I know who I'm close enough to disscuss this with have the exact same issue. It's great that you brought it up sarah. Just a warning though- when you give him that book you better be prepared :)
                LOL no kidding Morgan! Cant wait to see his expression on that one!

                #58 Martha

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                  Posted 31 March 2008 - 08:28 PM

                  I love how no one liked my idea but the only guy participating in the discussion. I must be doing something right. :)

                  #59 1elephant

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                    Posted 31 March 2008 - 08:36 PM

                    Quote:
                    Originally Posted by becks
                    It could be the BC.

                    On the other hand, I think it's pretty common that women get comfortable and their sex drives drop a bit. I've got a good 14 years on you and I've found that almost universally, once you get really, really comfy with someone, that edge isn't as strong.

                    Frankly, as long as the idea of sex isn't off-putting (ie., you dread it) you're fine. If you're really concerned talk to your Dr about it. She can change your BC, take you off of hormone BC (read: switch to condoms). [BTW, I went off the pill and switched to condoms and nearly killed FI with my renewed interest.]

                    If in point of fact you're turned off by the idea, there may be some imbalance that can easily be corrected with a change in BC or other hormone replacement, but your Dr can tell you for sure.

                    i think i wrote this in another thread. i just went off anti-depressants and bc and now my poor husband needs to tie me down to keep me away.
                    i wanted nothing to do with him for about 3 years...lots of feigning interest...but now ... well, you can imagine.

                    call your ob/gyn and see what (s)he says. worth a shot!

                    #60 -Kate-

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                      Posted 31 March 2008 - 08:41 PM

                      I think it helps when you can embrace and laugh at the parts of sex as a grownup that aren't super cool. For example, when DH and I were in college we could lock ourselves in his room for an entire weekend and never leave. You order food, stay naked the whole time, etc. As grownups that doesn't happen. We have to put up a baby gate to keep the dogs out of our room because our master suite is the 3rd floor and there is no door. And then we have to get up and go to the grocery or we'll have no food for the week. And then there is the laundry. How hot is it to say "should we feed the dogs first?" then put up a gate so you can have sex? It's not - but we've learned to laugh about it.

                      I have the same issues as most women. Going off BC has helped for me, even if it's only a placebo. I hated being on the pill so much that I will find any reason to stay off. I have noticed a change though. Also, sometimes you just have to jump him (even if you don't feel like it.) Once you get started and the...ahem...ball is in your court it all falls into place. If you tell youself you are a super hot badass and keep that in your head when to go at it, you will start to believe it. It may be acting at first, but go with it.




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