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#1 sunnydaes

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    Posted 30 March 2008 - 11:51 AM

    this is long...sorry
    but i really appreciate feed back. Lets see if i can make a long story short.

    I finally decided on my bridal party= 4 best friends, my 2 sisters and FI's 2 sisters. Everyone is so excited and so happy to be BM's which is wonderful and I feel so supported.

    My 4 friends that are in wedding, are my closest friends 1 i have known since kindergarten. Another since 6th grade, the next since my first year of college and the last for 10 years.

    3 of them are my "girls" that I always hang out with. the other lives far away, so i don't see hear as much, but when she comes to visit the she hangs with us as well. Now this is where it gets complicated. I hang out with these girls during the week and the weekend, and there is 1 more girl that I hang with as well, lets call her Mary. She is apart of our group and we all do stuff together, girls trips, friday dinners etc. but she is inconsistent. Meaning I hang out with her and I love her but we haven't always been the closest of friends and sometimes she is around and sometimes she isn't. She has done some not so nice things in the past and is often pretty selfish. Regardless of that I love hanging out with her and she is a fun friend. We all have been pretty close for the last 8 years.

    Now, there is another friend that I have that is pretty close to me lets call her Lori. We have been friends for the past 10 years and we see each other every week. she is not apart of this other group, mainly because there have been some differences between her and some of them. But i still love her and see her separately. I would consider her somewhat closer to me than Mary.

    Here is where I'm feeling confused. I have come to the point where i feel like I need to include Mary. I think it would be pretty hurtful if i had all our closest friends and she is the only one that isn't in it. its a pretty big statement. But I'm worried that Lori will look at the bridal party and think "she has 9 BM's and she left me out, what's 1 more" --this is the other thing, at this point, she will pretty much be my only girlfriend at the wedding that is not in the wedding. So i think it will be noticeable. I'm not that concerned, about her I think she will get over it, but another reason I'm nervous about it is she knows that I'm not really that close to Mary. I know she will be fine if she sees the girls that i have chosen that i currently have ( the and not think anything of it. but if she sees Mary in the wedding, i think she will feel a bit slided, and think "I'm closer to her than Mary is." If I chose not to have Mary then at least there are 2 of my friends that aren't in the bridal party.

    Here is another big kicker--I'm having an OOT bachelorette party and I don't want to invite everyone, just the people in my bridal party. Mary is the ONLY on that I have invited not in my bridal party. So I think this is going to be pretty awkward as well. I can't do that to her...right? that is just flat out mean. but I don't feel like were that close. I would die if my other 4 friends weren't at my wedding. but her, I wouldn't. Basically at this point, I would be doing it to make things easier, not because thats what i want.

    The other option i have thought about is having 10 BMs and having Mary and Lori. But I don't want Lori to come to the Bachorlette party as she doesn't get along with my closer friends. But i know she would come. So i feel like as long as i keep her out of the bridal party i don't have to worry about inviting her. UGH. i know that this sounds dramatic. and I'm really sorry if sounds petty. I just don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. Any feedback would help.
    thanks

    Edit: I forgot to ask: Who ever i don't choose do i need to explain? or just let it go?


    #2 katrina

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      Posted 30 March 2008 - 11:55 AM

      i'd blame it on the groomsmen.. as in, your fi only has 8 guys so you had to match up with 8 girls.

      #3 sunnydaes

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        Posted 30 March 2008 - 11:57 AM

        thats a good point...FI has 7 though, but 8 is only one more. I'm not sure if she'll buy it though.

        #4 Kat81

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          Posted 30 March 2008 - 11:57 AM

          I say leave the other two out... I understand your point but you should never feel obligated to have someone stand next to you for the most important day in your life. Keep the girls that mean so much to you and the others can watch.

          #5 Dez921714

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            Posted 30 March 2008 - 12:05 PM

            I say keep them out, but maybe try to include them in another way...like maybe a reading or a poem at the wedding. This way, they aren't in your bridal party, but they still feel included
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            #6 sunnydaes

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              Posted 30 March 2008 - 12:07 PM

              I thought about doing that. but, i want the ceremony to be as quick as possible. and i'm not having any programs.

              #7 Kat81

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                Posted 30 March 2008 - 12:08 PM

                Quote:
                Originally Posted by sunnydaes
                I thought about doing that. but, i want the ceremony to be as quick as possible. and i'm not having any programs.
                Maybe they can do something at the ceremony? But even if they can't it's your day... if you lose a friendship over it they weren't really your friends to begin with.

                #8 sunnydaes

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                  Posted 30 March 2008 - 12:09 PM

                  Quote:
                  Originally Posted by Kat81
                  Maybe they can do something at the ceremony? But even if they can't it's your day... if you lose a friendship over it they weren't really your friends to begin with.
                  Thats a really good point....
                  Do i have to explain anything?

                  #9 Kryztan

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                    Posted 30 March 2008 - 12:13 PM

                    I dont think that you need to have them as your bm's. I think including them in some way is really considerate and a great idea. You should tell them that your fi only has _ grooms men,but you want to include them some how.
                    You seem like a really great friend!

                    #10 Dez921714

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                      Posted 30 March 2008 - 12:13 PM

                      I understand how you feel...I'll keep thinking and if I come up with anything, I'll post it.

                      Just make sure if you ask them, you aren't going to "unask" them. I had a friend who had to ask someone NOT to be in her wedding and it was the hardest decision and thing to do. Also, FI's sister got married last August, off the bat she asked me to be in it...then decided on just having 2 bridesmaids, her FI's sister and her bestfriend from childhood. While I understood, I was still a little hurt that she didn't think about it before asking. (although, she did include me in EVERYTHING)
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