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Kinda bummed

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#1 Pisces

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    Posted 29 March 2008 - 11:11 PM

    I know this is a major risk factor in DW's, but my sister & her fiance aren't coming to our wedding. I have been trying not to think about it because it makes me so sad to know she won't be there, but I have to be understanding of the cost. It kind of makes me feel guilty for not using some of the money my parents gave us for the wedding to help them come (they aren't coming for financial reasons due to their own wedding) but that would seriously compromise what we can do for our wedding.

    I have been bugging FI to phone his dad about the wedding because we haven't talked to them since we set the date and he's been putting it off (FFIL lives out of town and we only see them every 6 months or so). He finally phoned today and his dad & wife told us they wouldn't be coming.

    So that's 4 people who are no longer able to come, which brings our total down to 14, including us. Now I'm starting to think having a dance floor and DJ is a little silly, and will seem stupid. But at the same time, I really want one. I want to have the first dance, I want to have a dance with my dad, and I want the guests who are coming to have a really nice time. I guess I just feel bummed that it is so expensive It is hard not to feel a little guilty about our decision.

    My best friend is really upset because she's getting married this summer (I'm her MOH) and her and her husband can't afford to go either.

    I'm sure everyone here has had these feelings at one time or another.
    Colin in I in 2005 when we fell in love with Maui!

    #2 Martha

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      Posted 29 March 2008 - 11:29 PM

      Having a DW was a hard decision for us to make. Luckily everyone we wanted to come will be able to...except one of my best friends, but she will be 7.5 months pregnant and she is high risk...

      With that being said, we are only having immediate family and a few close friends coming. For us, this was the less expensive way than a "traditional" wedding at home. My FI has a rather huge family and there was no way we could pay for it ourselves (this is my second marriage and my parents paid a pretty penny for the first one, there was no way I was asking them for money).

      You are doing this because YOU wanted a DW. Not having your sister and yout FFIL and friend be there will be sad, but I think you should go for the dance floor and DJ. You deserve to have the first dance and father/daughter dance...it is still a wedding, don't iss out on these things that you will only do once in your life!

      Have you thought about having a reception at home when you get back?

      #3 MissyR

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        Posted 29 March 2008 - 11:33 PM

        I agree with everything Martha has said. It is certainly hard to make a decision to go away to get married knowing that people won't be there. We struggled with this for a long time - FI's grandparents whom is is extremely close to are in their 80s and will not be traveling with us.

        I think if you want a dance floor and a DJ you should go for it. No one would ever say "why are we having this if there is only 15 of us?" I don't think you should sacrifice what you want because you are having less people. It's your day no matter what - just keep telling yourself that!

        #4 Kat81

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          Posted 29 March 2008 - 11:36 PM

          Yeah, it gets hard at times. Just remember you can come back and "party" with all those that didn't go. It will be like living it again showing all the pictures and videos. Keep your chin up!

          #5 Kryztan

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            Posted 29 March 2008 - 11:42 PM

            I can totally relate...I know exactly how you are feeling!
            I was originally going to have my wedding in St. Thomas and it was so expensive only our parents would have attended. We ended up planning it for Cancun because it was more cost effective! Now lots more are coming, but there are still a few who wont be able to make it and we sure wish they could!
            We are having a reception here so that all that cant make the wedding can attend. At the reception we will have pictures from our wedding in frames so that everyone can see and feel part!
            Have you thought of this?

            #6 Pisces

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              Posted 29 March 2008 - 11:45 PM

              Thanks girls, I know you're right. I just wish we could all be there.

              I still want a dancefloor and DJ, and you're right- no one is going to think it's weird.

              I don't really think an AHR is going to work, simply because my sister's wedding is next May and we are all spread out over the country. People aren't going to travel out here for her wedding and for an AHR, not to mention it would be weird to have one after her wedding. I am thinking that an intimate pre-wedding party might be the way to go. I don't know if there will be a shower yet...
              Colin in I in 2005 when we fell in love with Maui!

              #7 Leslie-Xcaret09

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                Posted 30 March 2008 - 12:07 AM

                I also had the same problem and felt guilty about the cost for people but thanks for the lovely ladies on this site I am now happy with our decision to have a DW. My FI's brother and wife and also his sister wont be able to make it, along with our grandparents. My FMIL was very upset about this but is starting to be okay with it (i think). All of my immediate family will be coming but I felt bad once I realized my sister will be paying over $6,000 to have her, my brother in law, and my 3 nephews come to my wedding. $6,000 to see me get married?! That is crazy and I did not think about large families when we decided to have a DW.

                But anyways, we knew that everyone would not be able to come to Mexico and we accepted that fact. We will still have a DJ and dance floor and have a great time with those who do come.

                You should follow your dreams and have all that you dreamed of including the dance floor with the first dance and daughter/father dance. Maybe people that think they cant come will change thier mind. My brother and his fiance (who is my best friend) originally told me they couldnt come but they found out the final payment wont be due until after their wedding so they are using some of their wedding money to come see me get married......I guess you never know...things can change.

                Hopefully everything works out for you

                #8 sunnydaes

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                  Posted 30 March 2008 - 12:34 AM

                  Thats sucks but you need to have the wedding you want, regardless if there are 5 people or 50 people. make it special for you and your FI and the guests that will make it. it will still be really special, but I am sorry that you have to go through that.

                  #9 Pisces

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                    Posted 30 March 2008 - 02:13 AM

                    I know, I know... it's the wedding of our dreams and exactly what we want. I just wish it were cheaper. We are already helping my brother with expenses by paying for his accommodation (well he's just staying in our condo with us for free, which we would be paying whether he was coming or not), but yeah, my parents are forking out tons when I think about their trip costs and the money for the wedding. I'm sure they would have preferred us do a traditional wedding at home.

                    We actually planned this trip before we got engaged as a big family trip to see how many people would be interested in going without it being the wedding- to get a sense of whether people would only be coming for the wedding or would want the vacation anyways. Only Colin's family were very interested.... but they've been before. My family has never been to Maui, only Mexico....

                    I know my grandparents were really disappointed too. I guess at least my sister's doing the traditional wedding for everyone. There's a tiny part of me who wishes we just eloped.
                    Colin in I in 2005 when we fell in love with Maui!

                    #10 starchild



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                      Posted 30 March 2008 - 05:57 AM

                      It's normal to feel like you do but if eloping isn't what you wanted then don't feel sorry you didn't do it. I want to say so what, do what you want, but I also feel your pain because there were people close to us - including my favorite cousin who was to be a BM - who couldn't make it due to financial reasons. I offered to pay for her but I think her pride got in the way

                      I assure you it won't matter when you're there caught up in the rapture of marrying your love, but for now it hurts. I hope you feel better about your decisions soon :o)

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