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#31 Jessica

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    Posted 27 March 2008 - 11:14 AM

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by dragonfly
    Everton already called D and told him not to come, the thing is E never, and i mean never get's upset about anything he is a whatever you want, kelly, is good with me kind of guy, so this is unusual about how strongly he feels about this, i will never get it, but this time i guess i have to except that a lost this battle Whoa that is quite the run on sentence:)
    I was going to say something along the same line as Jamy had said. Perhaps the reason he feels so strongly about this is because of the recent circumstances. He's been sick... and men have these macho egos, maybe he precieves getting help from your friend as a sign of weakness on his part.

    I think maybe he may feel that as the man, he should take care of his family and his home. He should be the protector, provider, fixer-upper. Being sick may have made him even more vulnerable to the fact that he can't "do it all" right now.

    It's just a thought.

    I think I would just let it go.

    I know you said one of the rooms has a really tall ceiling or something. Is Bria's room with tall ceilings? Or is it a manageable height? Is there anyway maybe you and Bria, and even a friend of Bria's can just have a girlie painting party type of deal and paint her room?!

    #32 lambert13

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      Posted 27 March 2008 - 11:14 AM

      Hey there Kelly. I gotta admit....as irrational as it sounds......I would probably be the same way. It's not as much about the friend doing the work as it is about Everton not doing it. Does that make sense? I would feel really weird about having a friend come over to do something that I had been meaning to do for a long time. I would kinda feel like a failure and that I let Karen down.

      So, yes its somewhat of a pride thing, but more that he wants to be the one that gets the job done for his family.

      #33 Nrvsbride

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        Posted 27 March 2008 - 05:34 PM

        Quote:
        Originally Posted by lambert13
        Hey there Kelly. I gotta admit....as irrational as it sounds......I would probably be the same way. It's not as much about the friend doing the work as it is about Everton not doing it. Does that make sense? I would feel really weird about having a friend come over to do something that I had been meaning to do for a long time. I would kinda feel like a failure and that I let Karen down.

        So, yes its somewhat of a pride thing, but more that he wants to be the one that gets the job done for his family.
        I think this makes perfect sense. You know as much as I say I would love a cleaning lady, I think in reality I would feel like a failure. I guess its a pride thing and maybe this sounds stupid but I like feeling like I can take care of my FI in traditional female roles.

        So I thought it was irrational but now Jason and Jamy made me see the light and I agree with them. LOL.

        #34 dragonfly

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          Posted 27 March 2008 - 06:08 PM

          Quote:
          Originally Posted by starchild
          Okay don't be mad but I'm taking Everton's side...kind of.

          Men have egos just like the sky is blue, that's hard to get around. I don't know all the details but just from what you've shared I think he feels really really bad. He's been working his butt off, sick, and probably scared about his health and what is making him ill.

          Then on top of that another man, a friend at that, is going to come into his home and take care of his family business since Everton obviously can't add that to the plate right now. I bet he wants to do it, but can't, and it has to make him feel like a little bit of a failure, you know?

          I know his daughter should come first and he should just suck it up and let someone else give him the help that he needs, but maybe he wants to take care of his daughter himself...you know?

          I'm going through something similar with a friend who is dying and she will not let people do things for her because she is so stubborn and wants to believe she can do them herself when she has the time and health...it is so frustrating so I feel your pain. Can you just let him have this one for now?

          Or maybe set a time frame to appease everyone, like maybe a month, painting 15 minutes at a time? I just think Everton feels awful already (why do you think he is unusually upset?) and taking this from him won't help. Sorry if I offended and maybe I'm wrong, but men have feelings too and this isn't any easy time for him either...good luck :o)
          Jamy first off I could never be upset with you, I love that you tell it like you see it, it's one of the reasons we get along so well. Yeah I never thought about the whole sick angle of this, I was just frustrated because I want my damn house finished already:) I would never have pushed the issue further then our little agrument, and my stand that I think he is being ridiculous, but other then that we have this lillte thing called respect that we live by, so the battle was his to win! Yeah, yeah men have feelings, they just come out in the most unusual of circumstances, I will never figure him out, and he will never figure me out, a match made in heaven, lol. Oh and it will take alot more then that to offend me Jamy, lifes too short to truly sweat the small stuff, hugs to you!

          Quote:
          Originally Posted by JessicaLovesBrian
          I was going to say something along the same line as Jamy had said. Perhaps the reason he feels so strongly about this is because of the recent circumstances. He's been sick... and men have these macho egos, maybe he precieves getting help from your friend as a sign of weakness on his part.

          I think maybe he may feel that as the man, he should take care of his family and his home. He should be the protector, provider, fixer-upper. Being sick may have made him even more vulnerable to the fact that he can't "do it all" right now.

          It's just a thought.

          I think I would just let it go.

          I know you said one of the rooms has a really tall ceiling or something. Is Bria's room with tall ceilings? Or is it a manageable height? Is there anyway maybe you and Bria, and even a friend of Bria's can just have a girlie painting party type of deal and paint her room?!
          Jessica, Let it go I did, just had to vent and state the ridiculousness of the whole thing to you guys. As for me and Bria painting I am a perfectionist (wish I wasn't but I am) when it comes to my house so kids with paint, ahhhh NO. I think Everton and I will just pull an all nighter tomorrow nite and call it a day

          Quote:
          Originally Posted by lambert13
          Hey there Kelly. I gotta admit....as irrational as it sounds......I would probably be the same way. It's not as much about the friend doing the work as it is about Everton not doing it. Does that make sense? I would feel really weird about having a friend come over to do something that I had been meaning to do for a long time. I would kinda feel like a failure and that I let Karen down.

          So, yes its somewhat of a pride thing, but more that he wants to be the one that gets the job done for his family.
          Nice to here the mans perspective on it, so what makes total sense to you, most women here see as crazy, hmmmm interesting:) You do know Jason that women don't care who does the work, all they care about is that the works get done. I would never look at Everton as a failure, he works harder for our family then any man I know. We don't expect the men in our lives to be Super hero's, well except maybe sometimes, wink, wink! We love you for all you do, and don't really care about what you don't do:) and for the record I don't think letting Karen down is something you need to worry about:) So take the freakin help when it's offered already
          I think this makes perfect sense. You know as much as I say I would love a cleaning lady, I think in reality I would feel like a failure. I guess its a pride thing and maybe this sounds stupid but I like feeling like I can take care of my FI in traditional female roles.

          So I thought it was irrational but now Jason and Jamy made me see the light and I agree with them. LOL.
          Glenda, in reality I want a cleaning lady

          Yeah Jason and Jamy always makes us see the light , they are the wise one's, we bow to them for they are the chosen bdw guru's


          #35 starchild

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            Posted 27 March 2008 - 06:56 PM

            Yay! My wish for you is that you come home one day to find Everton dripping in paint and finishing the room....then you can have your way with him Click the image to open in full size.

            It will work out, things always do Click the image to open in full size.

            #36 lambert13

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              Posted 28 March 2008 - 03:07 PM

              Quote:
              Nice to here the mans perspective on it, so what makes total sense to you, most women here see as crazy, hmmmm interesting:) You do know Jason that women don't care who does the work, all they care about is that the works get done. I would never look at Everton as a failure, he works harder for our family then any man I know. We don't expect the men in our lives to be Super hero's, well except maybe sometimes, wink, wink! We love you for all you do, and don't really care about what you don't do:) and for the record I don't think letting Karen down is something you need to worry about:) So take the freakin help when it's offered already
              I aint saying it makes sense, because it doesn't. It's just part of how our brains work I guess.




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