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Kristin113

Bridal Shower Question

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Ok, so I have a question that I hope everyone can help me with. My mom is throwing me a shower and I'm not sure who she should invite. I know that you are supposed to only invite the women that were invited to the wedding, but there really wasn't that many. She already booked a restaurant and was expecting to invite 75-100 people (only about 30 were invited to the wedding)

 

My mom feels that everyone knows I was planning on a destination wedding and never expected to be invited to it anyway, but that they would like to be included in the shower. So what should I do.....follow the "rules" or just listen to my mom and let her run the show??

 

BTW: We are not having an AHR :o(

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Since your not having an AHR, I would only invite the women who you invited to your DW. I ran into that problem with mine but we are having an AHR, so I invited all of the women invited to the DW & AHR.

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Only people being invited to the wedding should be invited to the shower.

It is considered rude to invite people to the shower if you're not extending an invitation to the actual wedding (and it makes sense).

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I guess it depends on why the other guests weren't invited. Did they tell you they weren't coming? DId you only invite family?

 

You are only supposed to invite wedding guests to a shower, but it sounds like your mom wants you to have some kind of big party! I would feel a little awkward if I were invited to a shower, but not a wedding. I would say if friends who aren't going volunteer a small, intimate shower is fine but a big one might be taken the wrong way.

 

Have you thought about making it a co-ed shower, with all of your wedding guests?

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To me a shower is a bunch of girls/ladies sitting around playing funny games and opening silly gifts. If your mom is planning on having upwards of 100 people there, that sounds more like a pre-AHR. Personally I wouldn't care about the "only supposed to invite to the shower the people who you invite to the wedding part" because we are not registering and do not want gifts. If this is the case, then let your mom run the show.

 

If the idea of your shower is for people to bring gifts, then it really depends on the people who will be invited, and why they are not invited to the actual wedding. If they just want an excuse to see the bride to be and lavish you with gifts, then thats cool to invite people not at the wedding. If they are the type of people who will care about that sort of thing, then you should probably plan on not inviting them to the shower if you don't want to ruffle feathers.

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if your DW guests are mostly family and only close friends, i think its perfectly acceptable for your mom to invite whomever to share in the fun at your shower if they know your DW is going to be small. remember they just love you and wanna share in the joy. normally etiquette is that anybody invited to the shower should be invited to the wedding too. but if your DW is small, and someone else is throwing you a shower and all of the guests not invited to the DW are aware its a small DW, i think its fine.

 

remember, its up to them to decline the invitation.

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If I was your friend, say from work, and knew that we weren't that close to be invited to your wedding, I would still want to be invited to the shower so I could celebrate with you. but that is just me and I know some people would get offended if they were invited to the shower and not the wedding. Maybe you could judge who wouldn't care and who would consider it rude?

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I would feel really awkward declining a shower invitation, but I would also feel it kind of tacky to invite me to a shower and not the wedding.

 

So, I vote for a small intimate shower, OR your mom host a pre-wedding party and not call it a shower, so people don't have the impression that they need to bring gifts.

 

I think I will end up having an intimate dinner/shower for the important women in my life who can't come to the wedding (and those who are) but not call it a shower.

 

The way I see it, people who want to get you a gift will get you one, shower or not.

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