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Bridal shower questions...


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#11 Saraha

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    Posted 25 March 2008 - 10:49 AM

    I am going to have a shower and am excited only because I think its going to be tons of fun with a bunch of my close gf's and family members to all get together.... I too feel guilty about the whole gift thing but my FI and I have nothing.... seriously a bed and that it. Not even a fork!
    Knowing my friends and family if I told them not to buy something they would anyways, and since we have NOTHING we did register. I am hoping the shower revolves nothing around the gifts not that I am not grateful because I am but I dont want people to think that is the main reason why I am having it.

    #12 Maura

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    Posted 25 March 2008 - 11:09 AM

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by AlmostMrsForbes
    I was a little "leery" about the whole shower and registry thing to start with. I thought it seemed like begging for gifts.

    After seeing the reaction of my friends/family, though, I really think that showers, etc. are what the people who love you want to do for you. I am having two showers - one that my aunt is throwing for me for close family - my mom has several sisters and they're all really excited about it. They've watched me grow up, they want to be part of it. The other shower is being thrown by two friends - they begged me to let them throw it.

    So - my attitude towards it has changed a bit. People love you and want to celebrate this time in your life. In the US - or at least where I'm from - showers are a big part of that. It doesn't have to be a "traditional" shower - they just want to spend time with you and join in your happiness.

    As far as registries go - register, don't register, but know that people are going to buy you gifts. Some people like to know what you need/want when shopping - others will just buy a gift that they think you will love.

    I do think, though, that if you invite someone to your shower - make sure you invite them to the AHR or your wedding.
    i totally second everything said here!

    #13 Nene

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      Posted 25 March 2008 - 01:13 PM

      I also third that too... My wedding shower is not traditional we are including my fiancee. The feedback I have gotten has been positive. I come from a huge famiy and alot of them can not afford to go to Cabo so they are excited to celebrate our shower with us. I even invited my boss and some coworkers who said they wanted to party. It should be a great time with everyone. About the gifts-I think that comes second. People are spending so much on coming to Cabo that I really do not want gifts. If they want they can bring one but it is not needed.

      #14 rodent

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        Posted 25 March 2008 - 01:30 PM

        I'm not having any showers. I've never enjoyed going to showers. it's been nice living out of state & skipping all the showers I would normally have gone to. A few people have offered to throw me one, but I've said I'd rather stick to having the parties. Some girls are throwing me a bachelorette party in a few weeks. Other friends are helping host my after wedding party (it's just friends, it's nothing family would fly in for). I'm paying for the big stuff (keg, tequilla) but my friends are helping out with the decorating & fun stuff. I prefer a party or something a little more relaxed like a game night. Every shower I've ever been too was awkward with lots of small talk, punch and cake.

        I think if done right a shower can be fun. I've seen pictures from coed showers that just looked like a big party. Also, mom's & grandmas tend to love showers, so it can be nice to have one for them to attend. It's just not something I enjoy so I prefer not to have one. But, if I did have one, I'd want to make sure it was a lot of fun for guests. If it's just eating cake & watching the bride open gifts that typically isn't fun. From stuff I've seen on the forum it looks like people are getting more creative with their showers and making them fun. I think that is the key to a good shower. It should be something guests enjoy so it just isn't all about gifts.

        #15 sunnydaes

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          Posted 25 March 2008 - 01:39 PM

          You plan only getting married 1 time, right? I think everything is a little crazy...the wedding included. but this is what life is about...these weird traditions that make us happy. I say do everything that you can, while you can. you will regret it later. And regarding the gift thing...write on the invite, "no gifts please" or maybe if they want to give a gift they can donate to your favorite charity. It shouldn't be about gifts it should be about having a good memory and remembering what your shower was like. When you look back or you talk about when you got married, your always going to remember, "I didn't have a shower" and i think you will be bummed. My SIL is throwing me one. Traditionally its not supposed to be your mother or anyone in your immediate family. But its 2008 and I think you can do what you want!

          #16 Bride010101

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            Posted 25 March 2008 - 01:47 PM

            I also did not want a shower - basically because I feel that the people coming have already spent enough towards my wedding.

            That being said, FI and I are college students and at this point have pretty much nothing for our future home.

            Plus when I mentioned NOT having a shower, my family was actually quite upset about it. My aunts and cousins on both sides told me I was crazy and already began planning ones for me. It will just be people that were invited to the wedding - but will include those that are unable to attend for personal reasons.

            Do you have any sisters/aunts that you could enlist to host one for you? If you want one... I'm sure one of them would be more than happy for you.

            #17 Maura

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            Posted 25 March 2008 - 01:55 PM

            Quote:
            Originally Posted by BeckyN
            I also did not want a shower - basically because I feel that the people coming have already spent enough towards my wedding.

            That being said, FI and I are college students and at this point have pretty much nothing for our future home.

            Plus when I mentioned NOT having a shower, my family was actually quite upset about it. My aunts and cousins on both sides told me I was crazy and already began planning ones for me. It will just be people that were invited to the wedding - but will include those that are unable to attend for personal reasons.

            Do you have any sisters/aunts that you could enlist to host one for you? If you want one... I'm sure one of them would be more than happy for you.
            becky, take it from two people who have their house furnished/decorated mostly with things from college/FI's bachelor pad, REGISTER for gifts. this is the only time you will ever be able to do it to furnish your new place together so you arent living like college students anymore! people are happy to buy you presents, ESPECIALLY the ones who wont be coming to the wedding. my one aunt is throwing me a shower basically because of her catholic guilt that she isnt coming to my wedding. shes inviting all my mom's friends who i know theres no chance in hell they will show up at my DW, but will be happy to give gifts, because over the years when their children got married, my mom gave their children nice gifts.

            we bought a really nice couch and armchair from crate & barrel last year, but we need a lot of other stuff. we would loooooooove to stop eating off of mismatched dishes and sleeping on old raggy sheets that my FI refuses to part with until he has pretty new ones.

            #18 rodent

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              Posted 25 March 2008 - 01:55 PM

              Quote:
              Originally Posted by sunnydaes
              You plan only getting married 1 time, right? I think everything is a little crazy...the wedding included. but this is what life is about...these weird traditions that make us happy. I say do everything that you can, while you can. you will regret it later. And regarding the gift thing...write on the invite, "no gifts please" or maybe if they want to give a gift they can donate to your favorite charity. It shouldn't be about gifts it should be about having a good memory and remembering what your shower was like. When you look back or you talk about when you got married, your always going to remember, "I didn't have a shower" and i think you will be bummed. My SIL is throwing me one. Traditionally its not supposed to be your mother or anyone in your immediate family. But its 2008 and I think you can do what you want!
              Without gifts isn't a shower just a party? So why not just have a party? This is sort of what my bachelorette party is. It's a bunch of girls getting together to have drinks, play games, sing karaoke & just be silly. We are doing it over 2 months before the wedding because thats when it worked out for my friends to fly up. I'll probably have another bachelorette party where we go out to a club to dance closer to the wedding. So i guess technically I could say the party in a couple weeks is a shower, but I prefer party because there is no pressure for gifts. I wouldn't be surprised if they got my lingere or some silly stuff but this way no one feels like they need to.

              I do like the idea to list a favorite charity on the invite if you don't want gifts. But, I also understand not really wanting gifts, but then wanting some sort of pay back for all the gifts you've bought in the past & will buy in the future. I've had friends who didn't want showers, but their mom's insisted because they had spent so much on other people's shower gifts.

              Also, I've thrown a couple showers & it was a lot for me to put them together. So it's not a selfish thing to have a shower if someone is wanting to throw you one. I don't think showers are bad, I just prefer to skip them. Hopefully that doesn't hurt people's feelings in the future when I start getting invitited to local showers again. I'm living in a shower free zone right now. All my friends are from other states so if they have a shower it's always in their home state. Now one I know has showers in the town I live in.

              #19 rodent

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                Posted 25 March 2008 - 02:03 PM

                Quote:
                Originally Posted by Maura
                becky, take it from two people who have their house furnished/decorated mostly with things from college/FI's bachelor pad, REGISTER for gifts. this is the only time you will ever be able to do it to furnish your new place together so you arent living like college students anymore! people are happy to buy you presents, ESPECIALLY the ones who wont be coming to the wedding. my one aunt is throwing me a shower basically because of her catholic guilt that she isnt coming to my wedding. shes inviting all my mom's friends who i know theres no chance in hell they will show up at my DW, but will be happy to give gifts, because over the years when their children got married, my mom gave their children nice gifts.

                we bought a really nice couch and armchair from crate & barrel last year, but we need a lot of other stuff. we would loooooooove to stop eating off of mismatched dishes and sleeping on old raggy sheets that my FI refuses to part with until he has pretty new ones.
                I agree, you will get stuff anyway so you might as well register & pick it out. My mom & grandma are thrilled to go look at my registry & decide what they want to get. Everytime I call my grandma she talks about the plates, pots, etc. I picked out. I know several other relatives have checked it out too. Several people have told us they feel bad they can't attend the wedding, but they want to get us a big gift instead. We've made it really clear to people we have no expectations for them to attend or give us gifts. It's completely sincere too. But, I've learned not to fight it. People will want to give gifts so register.

                #20 Maura

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                Posted 25 March 2008 - 02:06 PM

                we originally werent going to register but then so many people kept telling us, well we're going to buy you gifts anyway, or "where are you registered? we wanted to get you something really nice because we cant make it, and we know you dont expect anything, but we want to"

                we finally caved and im glad we did because now i want presents from my registry so my house looks more "grown up" haha. we picked out so many things that reminded us of FI's parents house because we totally love their style.




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