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Bridal shower questions...

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Yeah once I came to the realization that I was having a shower - whether I wanted it or not - I have been bugging Sean that we need to register. At this point we have no clue where we are going to end up in a year though, so its hard to decide what we want. But defintely all the basics - kitchen stuff, bedding, bathroom, etc. I am actually really excited to go and register now! We just haven't had a significant chunk of free time to figure out what we want and where we should register yet. A project for this coming summer!

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Thank you for all the responses. I should say that I actually enjoy planning and hosting parties, so aside from the costs, I actually loved throwing the baby shower I just threw, and I'm excited about throwing my best friend's bridal shower. Like someone said, I am really happy for these people and it is a real pleasure for me to shower them.

 

I guess it's the other guests I am thinking of, because I have been one of those. And I have been to many showers where it was obvious that the couple had just registered for upgrades on everything. In those cases I really kind of resented going because it felt like a gift grab. By no means do I mind buying gifts for people who need them (which is maybe why I really enjoy baby showers more), but there are very few couples in my circle of friends who are actually in this position, myself included.

 

I think I will feel like I missed out if I don't have a shower, but I also don't think I really can. Realistically, we aren't inviting many people to the DW and we're not having an AHR. Most of my extended family is way too far away to attend.

 

I guess I'll say yes if someone offers, but I kind of think that won't happen. We'll see.

 

Thanks for all your perspective though. It's nice to know I'm not the only one with these conflicting feelings :)

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Maura View Post
becky, take it from two people who have their house furnished/decorated mostly with things from college/FI's bachelor pad, REGISTER for gifts.
That was also the realization we had. We will be moving around the next year for school (every 3 months) - so most of the stuff we have will just be going into storage. I made the decision that we will be getting a dumpster and throwing away most of the stuff from his current residence because I don't ever want it to move into our actual house together. FI hates throwing things away... so it will be interesting. If I can't get him to do it now and it gets moved into our new place, I will never get rid of i!

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I sort of understand the perspective of the people who have a shower & upgrade everything. If they have spent a buunch of money on buying other people shower gifts in the past, they might feel like it's their turn to get some stuff. Also, the stuff they have might not be as nice as what people typically get at a shower. I know many couples won't buy great stuff because they know they will replace it when they get married. I bought cheap dishes so we'd have something to put on our list when we registered. my dishes are what I'm the most excited to get. I also have a pot set I got in college that's decent. But, I'm excited to upgrade that. Then if a person already has everything already really nice it seems pointless to want a shower. I'd rather contribute to a honeymoon registry or something like that.

 

With people waiting until later to get married these days, few people throwing showers are actually needy. Also, most people that don't have anything yet, don't usually just register for the necessities to get them by. It's usually pretty nice stuff. You can get a complete dish set for $10 at Kmart (thats where I got mine) so no one really needs nice dishes. Showers are hardly thrown to help the poor couple get their start anymore.

 

I agree that baby showers are usually more satisfying. Typically those lists are for things people really do need. Atleast all the baby showers I get invited to are.

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Quote:
Originally Posted by BeckyN View Post
That was also the realization we had. We will be moving around the next year for school (every 3 months) - so most of the stuff we have will just be going into storage. I made the decision that we will be getting a dumpster and throwing away most of the stuff from his current residence because I don't ever want it to move into our actual house together. FI hates throwing things away... so it will be interesting. If I can't get him to do it now and it gets moved into our new place, I will never get rid of i!
I sort of have the same problem. I know we'll be moving out of state in the next 2-3 years. I don't want a lot of extra stuff & we don't have room. So I picked out things I knew we could use now & things that weren't too large. A good knife set is pretty small & you could probably get some use out of it now. I'm also giving away a lot of my stuff to a friend who is about to get her own place after using most of her roomates stuff. She she will get my old dishes & stuff like that if we get new stuff. We can also use new towels now & that's not hard to pack. I was surprised how quickly I filled up a registry with things I think we can fit in our little apartment & in a UHAUL. If we get money though we'll just hold on to it until we settle down someplace.

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My mom and sister are throwing me a shower, and I have to say that I'm excited about it. FI and I moved in together within weeks of getting engaged just 6 months ago, and mostly still have hand me down type things. Since we're having a small DW wedding (immediate families only), my mom wanted to make sure that as much tradition was incorporated into the wedding festivities as possible. We're not having an AHR due to $$$, so IMO the shower is a great way to include family and friends who might not otherwise get to share our joy.

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Ok ladies, perhaps it's just me. I LOVE gifts! This is the one time in your life when you get to make a list of things you want, and people actually get them for you. I have been happy to pick out and give a great gift to many of my friends. If it was for a bridal shower or baby shower, I enjoyed giving them something I knew they would love. I want the gifts! I want to play the cheesy games, eat the petit fors, and everything else. Even though Im having a dw, my bf, my sister, mom, and cousin are all coming from out of town to my shower. My aunt is throwing it and is already obsessed even though it's 3 months away. This is for your wedding, it's tradition, I say enjoy every minute of it - I know I will.

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You deserve a shower! Especially after all the ones you thrown! And, once again, I felt the same way, but people really expect them. They are so excited for you guys and want to give you a gift.

 

I strongly advice against inviting people that aren't invited to the wedding or the AHR - pretty tacky in my eyes. Although, as long as they are invited to the wedding or the AHR, invite them to the shower, whether they are coming to the wedding or not.

 

I had a few showers - aunts, friends, and my boss threw them.

 

We told all our DW guests that their gift was their presence - which it was the best gift of all - but other than showers, we wouldn't have gotten any gifts. We are very thankful.

 

I had the traditional wedding shower too - ladies sitting around taking about detergent and cooking - boo! How about a co-ed shower? they are great! We had two co-ed showers that were really, really fun. My friends threw one, which was a "Entertainment" theme party. They got a keg, we played some fun women vs. men games, and all the gifts revolved around us entertaining in our new house - so anything from Margarita glasses and chip and dip trays to wine and welcome mats! It was great!!! I've also been to "Build the Bar" and "Backyard BBQ" themed co-ed showers. I think the co-ed showers are WAY better! There's no reason the women should have to do this stuff alone :)

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I have a dumb question that I have wondered when I attend showers-- do you get people a gift for the shower and also bring one to the wedding? Is the gift you bring to the shower considered the wedding gift? I'm not having a shower but I have always been unsure of this and want to make sure I am getting it right. I truly enjoy getting people a gift to start their lives off or upgrade to nicer stuff but I'm not so much down with getting every friend that gets married multiple gifts for each party they throw up to the wedding. Not at this financial standpoint in my life!

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