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#41 Spazz

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    Posted 24 March 2008 - 06:26 PM

    Celina, I'm so late chiming in on this, but just wanted to say that I'm so sorry you're going through this. Big hugs!

    #42 Yari

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      Posted 24 March 2008 - 06:27 PM

      Celina, wow...it is so sad to read this. I really hope you can have a decent conversation with your dad.

      #43 Celina

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        Posted 26 March 2008 - 11:18 AM

        Well...yesterday afternoon I got off work early and me, FI, dad and step mom had a sit down talk.

        I read out loud the e-mails that were sent back and forth. In the end both my FI and I said to my dad that we could not have her in our lives. My FI told my dad that he would leave me if it came to him losing our son over such accusations.

        As hard as that was to hear it is the truth and I don't blame him. We expressed to my dad that no abuse was going on and explained to him about all of the testing that our daughter went through before we decided to use medication for her ADD.

        In the end there were A LOT of tears - so many that at times I couldn't talk because I was so upset. My dad just asked that we forgive her so that we don't carry the burden of hatred in our hearts because then we would be just the same as her. We told him we can move on from this and even forgive her - but there will be NO relationship with her and that she could not be a part of our lives.

        I think as a parent it has to be a horrible feeling to see your children going through this. I told him we didn't expect him to take sides with anyone - we just wanted him to hear the truth and that it had to be out there so that we could move on.

        I must tell you all that I am totally drained! Hopefully in a few weeks I'll be back in wedding mode. I was telling FI this morning that dealing with her has taken all of the wind out of my sails in regards to wedding planning.

        Then, yesterday my MOH told me her husband hasn't been working in 5 weeks! He works for Sears as a siding installer. He used to have his own business but it was hard to get jobs because of the lack of new construction builds so he went to work for Sears but now....UGH!

        I tell you - if it ends up being me, FI, and our two kids on the beach - that's probably how it should have been in the first place!

        Thanks guys!
        ~Celina
        "Love is not who you live with...it's who you can't live without"

        #44 boscobel

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          Posted 26 March 2008 - 11:31 AM

          Jeez, Celina. Again, I am speechless. Such drama you are going thru. I am glad that you were able to talk to your Dad and get things out in the open. I think that forgiving her in your heart and removing her from your life is the right thing to do.

          #45 Yari

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            Posted 26 March 2008 - 11:36 AM

            Celina, I am happy to hear that this drama is now over. I am so sorry to hear that you had to go through this in the first place.

            In a few weeks, get right back on the wedding planning train!!!

            #46 Maura

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            Posted 26 March 2008 - 11:48 AM

            hey, at least now, its all laid out on the table for your dad to know what really happened. you DONT have to forgive her though, and dont let anyone bully you into thinking you have to. what she did was hateful and downright malicious. just because you arent forgiving her though, doesnt mean that you have "hatred in your heart" for her. that is where your dad is wrong. i dont have hatred for my mom, i just know deep down she must me mentally ill to treat me the way she does. i cant have that kind of negativity in my life, and therefore i cant have a relationship with her. do i wish her ill will? no. but i also cannot let her keep railroading me the way she always has, and the same with you and your sister.

            if it ends up just being you and your FI and your kids, at least everyone there will be 100% joyful. i know it sucks and it hurts, but i think you are handling it incredibly maturely and correctly. hugs. i know this is difficult, having been through it myself.

            #47 DreaW

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              Posted 26 March 2008 - 11:49 AM

              Celina, i'm so sorry you are going through this, my prayers are with you

              #48 Celina

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                Posted 26 March 2008 - 01:33 PM

                Quote:
                Originally Posted by Maura
                hey, at least now, its all laid out on the table for your dad to know what really happened. you DONT have to forgive her though, and dont let anyone bully you into thinking you have to. what she did was hateful and downright malicious. just because you arent forgiving her though, doesnt mean that you have "hatred in your heart" for her. that is where your dad is wrong. i dont have hatred for my mom, i just know deep down she must me mentally ill to treat me the way she does. i cant have that kind of negativity in my life, and therefore i cant have a relationship with her. do i wish her ill will? no. but i also cannot let her keep railroading me the way she always has, and the same with you and your sister.
                OMG - that is the EXACT SAME THING my FI told my dad - almost word for word!

                You are right though...just because you DON'T forgive...does not mean that you have hatred in you towards them; and that is exactly how I feel. I love her and that is why it hurts so much. I just realize and can now truly see that she is a very sick person.

                In the past I used to ask her husband if she was PMS-ing because she has a history of totally going off the deep end like this. Saying horrible mean and nasty things and then a week later apologizing and acting like nothing ever happened. I have suggested in the past that she see a doctor because she may have a hormonal or some kind of chemical imbalance and she never took my advice (obviously) I printed out information for her and even mailed it to her house. She just doesn't see it and her husband finds it easier to lay down and get stomped on than to be a man and stand up to her.

                Personally - I had to go off of the pill because I was a raging loon when I took the pills. I tried different methods of birth control until I just quit it all together because I was out of control and FI threatened to leave because of my mood swings. After I quit the pills I totally became normal again. (I also got pregnant and now have a son who has a smile that would brighten anyone's day!) BUT - the mood swings and craziness is over for me and it took ME to realize it for myself before I could change.

                The thing is, I don't think she will ever see that she is the one with the problem. Unless and until she gets some serious help - and somehow convinces me and my FI that she is in some sort of therapy AND the therapy is working- I have to cut the ties because our relationship is toxic.

                I can only pray that she gets the help she needs and isn't doing any harm to her own family. She has three kids - 17, 15, and 9. She has already taken the backbone from her husband. What a shame.
                "Love is not who you live with...it's who you can't live without"

                #49 Maura

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                Posted 26 March 2008 - 01:59 PM

                celina, i want to reply to everything you just said, but i have to run out to a meeting. in the meantime, here is the link to the thread i posted when my mom went totally batshit crazy. when i get some time later this afternoon when i get back or early this evening, i will write you a nice long message.

                http://bestdestinati...om/forum/t11222

                #50 Kat81

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                  Posted 26 March 2008 - 02:25 PM

                  Quote:
                  Originally Posted by Maura
                  celina, i want to reply to everything you just said, but i have to run out to a meeting. in the meantime, here is the link to the thread i posted when my mom went totally batshit crazy. when i get some time later this afternoon when i get back or early this evening, i will write you a nice long message.

                  http://bestdestinati...om/forum/t11222
                  Maura, I feel so bad you had to go through this. Well, that you are still going through this. It is her loss in the end just remember that.




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