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FIL's dont want us having DW...WTF


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#21 jajajaja

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    Posted 12 March 2008 - 12:31 PM

    This is totally a decision only you and your FI can work out. Everyone has different priorities. We wanted a DW so we didn't waiver when his parents hinted about not coming. His grandfather has never flown (other than to WWII) so he said he won't come. FI's brother has major finance problems so he can't come. We decided that although these people will be missed, we wanted to do the wedding we dreamt of. That was important to us.

    His parents ended up coming in the end, btw. I have a feeling that your FI's family would end up going in the end as well. They probably just want to bully you into doing it their way in the meantime. We had people try to do that. If it's what you really want, stick to your guns.

    Only suggestion- have a heart to heart with FI. Find out if he is still willing to have a DW if his parents or other family members won't come. If you agree that it's best to continue on towards a DW, don't look back. Enjoy the wedding YOU wanted.
    Happily married since 2008

    #22 Leslie-Xcaret09

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      Posted 12 March 2008 - 02:49 PM

      Quote:
      Originally Posted by twinkletoes
      Are your future inlaws related to my FMIL? lol. I swear she said the same thing when we bought our house last year (along with several of his siblings)! And to me our house is small! his mom said its too big for us not to have any kids.

      And dont even get me started on the kids subject! I have lost count over the # of times I've been asked when I'm going to get pregnant! (FI has 7 siblings, and all have kids, even his younger ones) WTF!!! His parents have (if I'm not mistaken on my calculations) 36 grandkids ranging from newborn to age 19! I think there are enough kids in the family already! These folks are crazy! Ok, sorry, I stole the thread again,lol. I'm giving it back now, :~) I just felt like
      I think they may be related bc it sounds like we are having the same problems!!! Hopefully someday they will just become happy for us and not try to make all of our decisions for us!! This will be me this weekend

      #23 Leslie-Xcaret09

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        Posted 12 March 2008 - 02:51 PM

        Quote:
        Originally Posted by LC_Rachel
        This is totally a decision only you and your FI can work out. Everyone has different priorities. We wanted a DW so we didn't waiver when his parents hinted about not coming. His grandfather has never flown (other than to WWII) so he said he won't come. FI's brother has major finance problems so he can't come. We decided that although these people will be missed, we wanted to do the wedding we dreamt of. That was important to us.

        His parents ended up coming in the end, btw. I have a feeling that your FI's family would end up going in the end as well. They probably just want to bully you into doing it their way in the meantime. We had people try to do that. If it's what you really want, stick to your guns.

        Only suggestion- have a heart to heart with FI. Find out if he is still willing to have a DW if his parents or other family members won't come. If you agree that it's best to continue on towards a DW, don't look back. Enjoy the wedding YOU wanted.

        Thank you for your advice. This thread has made me feel much better! FI do need to sit down and talk .... hopefully he can also stick to his guns!

        #24 dmarie17

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          Posted 12 March 2008 - 11:03 PM

          I say that we rent a big boat and stick our FMIL's all on it until 2010. Who's in?

          #25 Leslie-Xcaret09

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            Posted 13 March 2008 - 07:10 AM

            Quote:
            Originally Posted by dmarie17
            I say that we rent a big boat and stick our FMIL's all on it until 2010. Who's in?

            you know im in!!

            #26 svisconte

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              Posted 13 March 2008 - 10:47 AM

              I agree with everyone else when they say..."do what makes you happy" its your wedding and you cant be worrying about accomadating everyones needs. I have been in the same exact situation. Almost canceled becasue my mother and two sisters said they would not be going. Which when your own mother says she cant make it, its quite heartbreaking. But this is what I wanted. It is my dream so once I plead my case to everyone, I slowly got them to understand that its my wedding not theres. and they would regret not going. Since then I have gotten my mom back on board but I still dont think there is hope for my sisters because of financial reasons. But what can you do. You cant stress about every person. The people that you really want to be there and love will be there. Just enjoy the rest of your planning and everything will come together. Its probably not the last time you will have these feelings, but just keep reminding yourself of what you would be giving up. best of luck, selina
              :

              #27 Dez921714

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                Posted 24 March 2008 - 05:31 PM

                I know this thread is about two week old, but I had to add to it. This will probably be long (and it's the abridged version)....

                FI an I have talked about a destination wedding since we went to Mexico in September of 2005 - everyone thought it was a great idea. December of 2005 we bought our house. December of 2006 we got engaged. I decided that there were some things I'd miss by having a desination wedding that I wanted (like my 94 year old grandmother). So we started planning a local wedding. Our invitation list was up to 260 (I have a HUGE family) and with no frills is was easily going to cost us 30k. We were having issues with the amount of $$ it was going to cost and we could think of many house projects we could use that money on. A 5 hour party for that much $$ wasn't worth it to us.

                October 2007, I lost my job. So now we are living and paying the mortgage on one salery with no extra money to save. Can we say STRESSED? FI and I talk, and on Thanksgiving, we announce that we are going to go back to our origional idea of a desitnation wedding (remember, everyone liked he idea the first time).

                Off the bat, my very straightforward and blunt parents said "we'll talk about it later" FI's parents were excited and listing everyone that would come. A week passes. I sit down, talk to my parents, tell them why we want to do it and now my mom supports me and is really excited. We bring FI parents passport papers to fill out and his mom tells us that they aren't coming - out of the blue. First they say $$, so we tell them we'll pay for them (really! we want his parents there!!!) then she says his dad is afraid to fly and leave the country (Vietnam Vet).

                A lot of stress, a lot of hurt feeling, a lot of me biting my tongue. FI accepts it and moves on.

                About a month ago, FI's mom tells us that she is going to come, his dad isn't but she's going to. Ok, great, awesome!

                Last night, Easter. Our STD's are all ready to go out, FI is excited and wants to bring one to our parents houses to show them. My parent's are excited, his mom reads the letter with NO reaction. Everyone goes inside to watch tv and I'm in the kitchen with his mom and she starts in again about how it's expensive and she doesn't think anyone from her side will come and it's three weeks after Christmas.

                I looked at her and as politely as I could I said "that's fine, people don't have to come if they can't afford it".

                FI and I are waiting for her to tell us that she isn't going to come, and then OMG the

                Can I send my inlaws on that boat until 2010 that someone before me suggested
                http://ticker.7910.o....25vdCBpbiA.gif27 Confirmed with Plane Tickets...5 with rooms booked!

                150 INVITES / 6 YES / 13 NO

                #28 Kat81

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                  Posted 24 March 2008 - 06:05 PM

                  I was talking to my Boss's wife the other day about her wedding. All her life she dreamed of having a wedding in a garden with flowers everywhere. My boss's mom her FMIL told her NO WAY with Texas weather it is a huge mistake you never know when it might rain then you have to reserve an alternate location BLAH BLAH BLAH. She didn't do it. They have been married 27 years now and she is still so upset by it. Point of the story.... Do what you want so you don't regret it for the rest of your life.

                  #29 jmill130

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                    Posted 24 March 2008 - 06:31 PM

                    I think all DWs cause issues with someone. It is amazing how many people forget thats its not about them. We have same problem with many of our guests, someone in the family is complaining that its costs too much, blah blah blah. At this point we dont care. The people that really want to come will come. We cant please them all, so why try. We have been more than accommodating to guests by finding flights deals and organizing it all. In the end its about us and thats all that matters. We only live once and this is what we want. I think its hard for those that are older, they are from a different generation and tend to not change from their ways. They are so traditional, many of them have never to as many places as we have at such a young age. The younger generations want to travel and see the world. We have the internet and we know what beautiful places are out there!

                    We attended 8 weddings in 1 year and I dont remember much about them. I think a destination wedding is something you wont forget, its more than just a 1 night/day event and it allows you spend more than 5 minutes thanking your guests for coming..

                    What about those that have had destination weddings, what did those that attended talk about after you got back? Did some that were complaining at first end up loving it?

                    #30 Dez921714

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                      Posted 24 March 2008 - 06:49 PM

                      Those are great questions! I'm interested in knowing the answeres too.

                      I told FI last night that I refuse to get upset about things. If people can't afford to stay at our resort, then they can scope out their own deals, I won't stop them, but I won't do it for them (we will pay for the day pass for them on the day of the wedding).

                      The funny thing is that my grandmother, the main reason we didn't want a DW was the first to say "that's such a great idea".

                      Whomever comes, comes and if they can't come, we are ok with it :) We both agree that as long as he's there and I'm there...everyone else, is just a bonus
                      http://ticker.7910.o....25vdCBpbiA.gif27 Confirmed with Plane Tickets...5 with rooms booked!

                      150 INVITES / 6 YES / 13 NO




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