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Does anyone else need a break??

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#1 Celina

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    Posted 11 March 2008 - 12:49 PM

    I don't know how other people do it, but my God I need a break from my FI. Lately any and everything he says to me grates my last nerve.

    I am so irritated by him it is getting really bad. How do I go about rekindiling that spark? We are getting married in 9 months and I feel like the thrill is already gone. This is SO NOT good. I know relationships are a lot of work, but our lives consist of work, saving money, kids (ages 9 and 2) and catching up on housework over the weekends.

    I don't know what do do or how to get that lovin' feelin back. Somebody help!
    "Love is not who you live with...it's who you can't live without"

    #2 Jessica

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      Posted 11 March 2008 - 12:58 PM

      Brian and I actually took a break while we were engaged. He didn't really want a break but I needed it before I ended up resenting him. I didn't want to enter the marriage unhappy. We really had a break though.. as in break up.

      We went through a really hard time the year we were engaged but I think ultimately the break really benefited us a lot. I'm not going to lie, things still aren't perfect, but they did improve a lot. We still need to work everyday on our relationship.

      It was nice to take a step back from our relationship so I could focus on myself and not worry about "us."

      Now our break involved us seeing other people, but I know that's not the kind of break that's beneficial for everyone.

      It does suck to get stuck in a rut. I know you are getting married soon... but maybe a nice spa weekend away would help you? Or a mini-getaway with some friends?

      #3 lucy106

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        Posted 11 March 2008 - 01:04 PM

        I was going to suggest what Jessica brought up. A weekend away to yourself with either girlfriends or literally by yourself. Is this a possibility? The saying "absence makes the heart grow fonder" is unfortunately true for most. You probably need a break from planning too! I am sorry to hear you are going through these hard times. Hugs from the Windy City!!

        #4 Sandra E.

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          Posted 11 March 2008 - 01:09 PM

          I agree with Jessica and Lucy. The weekend of my bachelorette party it was also his bachelor party, I stayed in Dallas and he went to Houston with some friends. When he return he told me he missed me and just wanted to spend the afternoon with me. It's a good idea to take a break from each other.

          #5 Yari

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            Posted 11 March 2008 - 01:12 PM

            I am so sorry to hear you are going through this.

            I had a mini breakdown when his parents were in town. I felt so out of touch with him and was just angry.

            Can you do a date night or weekend? Have you talked to him about your feelings?

            Think about all the good times, go through pics and remember why you fell in love with him.

            Good luck, but know you are not alone!

            #6 monicabrandon2008

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              Posted 11 March 2008 - 01:15 PM

              I'm sorry to hear you are going through this. FI and I moved away from family and friends 3 months ago. I started feeling depressed and he was getting on my nerves so bad. I felt I was starting to resent him. I'm currently planning a weekend getaway to head back home and have some girl time with my friends. I love my FI so much and absolutely know we are meant to be and can't wait to get married. When I started feeling bad feelings towards him it scared me because I was like HELLO we are about to get married I can't be feeling this way! Once I spoke to my Mom she said that we all get in ruts it's what action you take to solve the problem. Just keep your head up and try to come up with something that would truly make you happy whether it be a day to yourself or a weekend getaway. Talk to FI and tell him you NEED this. I hope things get better for you.
              HIGH FIVE, WE'RE MARRIED!!!

              #7 dragonfly

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                Posted 11 March 2008 - 03:56 PM

                What you are experiencing is perfectly normal, trust me, we all go through this and we will all most likely have moments like this our entire relationship, hmmmmm did I make you feel any better, lol. Seriously the demands of life especially when you have kids make it really difficult to stay all romantic with one another. I really believe that if you can make your self happy then your relationship will follow suit. I know that as much as I love Everton I need time with my girlfriends to just have fun. I try and do dinner with my friends once a month I am always happier when I get home. Exercise also makes me feel better. Everton and I also do a date night every 2 weeks, we usually have dinner and drink wine it make's us feel more connected to one another because to be honest with you the rest of the time we barely have time to nod at each other. Everton can grate on my last nerve with most of his household habit's, unfortunately I don't think he will ever change so I accept that I want to throw dishes at him about every other day, but by the time we settle down for the evening he has usually redeemed himself by doing something sweet. He really is a very loving sweet man I just have to remind myself, over and over, and over again of that, lol. Hang in there this will pass, trust me you will find your moments that make it all worth it, you just have to take a step back and take a deep breath so that you can see clearly.

                #8 DreaW

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                  Posted 11 March 2008 - 04:22 PM

                  I was going to mention the same things as everyone else, do a mini-weekend away on your own or with some girlfriends. That is the best....Erik and I argue a lot before the wedding and now after but we are both hot headed individuals who need to step back and talk about stuff....especially me. I also do things on my own, don't need to be with him 24/7.....its good to have your own time.

                  #9 ErinB


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                    Posted 11 March 2008 - 04:30 PM

                    I have been there so many times! One of our biggest challenges is that I am super out-going and always doing 18 things at once. Fi is more reserved and loves to stay home. After being in the house for more than about 30 hours I freak out!

                    I take mini-breaks about once a month. We have a girls bunco club that usually turns into a slumber party because of too much wine. My MOH and I take a weekend trip every year, just the two of us.

                    Last summer we got into a huge fight, too much stress from life in general, and I moved into my mom's house for a week. Since then we both have been better about communicating and making time for each other.

                    I've been getting "itchy" lately and FI is kinda making me nuts--he just doesn't get why the wedding is so important to me. His family has been less than supportive and he keeps telling me to pick up the slack! Talk about feelings of resentment. My bachelorette party is this weekend and could not have come at a better time! If you're in Chicago, stop on by!

                    #10 boscobel

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                      Posted 11 March 2008 - 04:34 PM

                      I would say that the 1st 9 months or so of us being engagement we fought like crazy. I even posted a thread similar to this one. I got lots of repsonses and some great PM's with advice and support. Bascially it all came down to the fact that you DO love him. I think some time apart, some personal time, is what you need. I love me some personal time, which Matt has a hard time understanding, but he is better about it now.

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