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Do you ever feel like it's just not worth it?


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#11 Sandra E.

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    Posted 10 March 2008 - 01:37 PM

    I also went through something like this at the beginning stages. My parents thought about renting a villa with everyone then coming to the wedding. I didn't like the idea and expressed my feelings to my Mom. At the end everything worked out and things started coming together. I made peace with the fact that some people weren't going to be able to make it and now think that the 24 that are coming are perfect and I'm really looking forward to it. Talk to your Mom and your grandparents I'm sure they are excited to come and they wouldn't want to miss this day.

    #12 lyrebard

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      Posted 10 March 2008 - 02:08 PM

      Thanks for the long reply, Morgan.

      Thing is, it's not as if I haven't been doing things...it's not as if I'm really behind where I need to be...I'm just sick of thinking about it. I started out as a rather reluctant "bride" (I'd have been totally happy with city hall, but he nixed that), so I guess I'm just wishing that I were more excited about it all. I love the idea of a group vacation...that's the part I love most. But that seems to be what's falling apart.

      Quote:
      Originally Posted by Morgan
      i've gone from 60 guests to 20. there are like 20 people still planning to book this close to the wedding. I really don't know that they will.
      Yeah, we've gone from about 70 guests to anywhere between 40 and 60. Still can't plan anything as a result!

      Quote:
      Originally Posted by Morgan
      I also worry about my 80 year old grandma & my dad who isn't in good health. but this trip has been motivation for them to get in better health. my dad has lost 100 lbs!
      Morgan, that's really fantastic. I remember reading about how your dad was just starting to live more healthfully in preparation for this trip. The fact that he's doing so well is really incredible. And inspiring.

      Quote:
      Originally Posted by Morgan
      your in Rm right? Matt adcock gave me a great tip for a trip to coba that even his 90year old gma did. my gma is so excited. If you want, i can give you more info.
      We're planning a trip to Coba (we were even thinking Chichen Itza, as they like long drives...but just realized that the buildings there are too spread out and they DON'T have pedicabs like at Coba). And they're all looking forward to it. I think it's just in my head that I'm worried about health, and difficulties of traveling. And making sure that my wedding doesn't kill them.

      Quote:
      Originally Posted by Morgan
      It's worth it & you are not alone. You have the whole BDW forum to support you. When I was dealing with annoying problems I always felt like it was worth it to have a DW because I found the forum & met all these cool people.
      Thanks. It's just always really nice to have that confirmed. :) I know I'll get through it, but sometimes the getting there just feels so lonely and sad. So thanks for listening. Really much so. =)

      #13 plumsugar

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        Posted 10 March 2008 - 02:24 PM

        My biggest gripe with the whole DW:
        The guests!!
        Not the decorations, or the vendors, or the financials!

        • Those that say they are still planning on going with no guarantee from them; no RSVP, no room reservation. With 7 weeks away…I sincerely doubt they are still planning on going. I mean, can you honestly not know if you’re going to Mexico 7 weeks from now?
        • Those that say, "If it was local, I would have gone!” I can understand that from a financial point of view, but it gets under my skin either way! Every time I hear it, my brain automatically translates, “well if it was free food & booze 30 minutes away, I would have gone!”
        • Those that embellish about the amazing time they are going to have, how emotional they will feel seeing us unite, what color dress/suit they want to wear…but end up being the first to check no on the RSVP.

        We have gone from 145 invited (ALL of them close family & friends…we’re pretty tight yo lol) to 30 currently RSVP’ed.
        I have to remind myself that I we are fortunate enough to have 30 going then I get super happy again

        #14 rodent

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          Posted 10 March 2008 - 03:45 PM

          Quote:
          Originally Posted by lyrebard
          Thanks for the long reply, Morgan.

          Thing is, it's not as if I haven't been doing things...it's not as if I'm really behind where I need to be...I'm just sick of thinking about it. I started out as a rather reluctant "bride" (I'd have been totally happy with city hall, but he nixed that), so I guess I'm just wishing that I were more excited about it all. I love the idea of a group vacation...that's the part I love most. But that seems to be what's falling apart.



          Yeah, we've gone from about 70 guests to anywhere between 40 and 60. Still can't plan anything as a result!



          Morgan, that's really fantastic. I remember reading about how your dad was just starting to live more healthfully in preparation for this trip. The fact that he's doing so well is really incredible. And inspiring.



          We're planning a trip to Coba (we were even thinking Chichen Itza, as they like long drives...but just realized that the buildings there are too spread out and they DON'T have pedicabs like at Coba). And they're all looking forward to it. I think it's just in my head that I'm worried about health, and difficulties of traveling. And making sure that my wedding doesn't kill them.



          Thanks. It's just always really nice to have that confirmed. :) I know I'll get through it, but sometimes the getting there just feels so lonely and sad. So thanks for listening. Really much so. =)
          Glad I could help. I was a city hall want to be bride too. For me it was either mexico or city hall. no in between.

          Have you planned your coba trip? PM me & I'll send you all the info I have. What day are you going? My crew will be there friday morning. It would be cool if it was the same time. BDW meetup!

          I'm planning this all without my FI too. Mostly because I know it's not his thing. I've sort of embraced it as my hobby & I'm loving it. I was the most anti-wedding person I know before becoming wedding obsessed. I blame BDW.

          I'm actually happy as people back out. I want a small group. 20-30 is all I'd want.

          Let me know if there is anything I can help with.

          My dad is doing great. I need to get an update, but last I checked he was down 100 pounds. My grandma is also doing her physical therapy which she hates & wouldn't do before. I think they are the two most excited guests.

          This wedding has been the coolest thing my family has ever done together. There have been stressful times & I've slacked off at work WAY too much (again, I blame BDW), but I am so incredibly excited. Maybe my excitement will rub off on you.

          #15 tlomlad

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            Posted 10 March 2008 - 03:51 PM

            yes just hang in there it really is all about you and your soon to be hubby it will all work out in the end and you will be married to the man of your dreams!

            #16 Sharonie

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              Posted 10 March 2008 - 04:22 PM

              I have been wondering whether DW is a right choice that I made or not. Although we didn't want a big wedding, still when the turnout went from ~50 expressed interest to <20 booked, I was bumped. But then I thought about I will get to spend several days with a group of family/freiends who truly cared about us and will have a great fun with them I get excited again. Instead of having to entertain a big group of people, we'll get to mingle with everyone and build a stronger bond. I am at a point where I don't care about all the details, as long as I have a ceremony and reception location at the resort decided, everything else I'll worry about when I get there. (even my colors, I went from mange orange and sage green to any shades similar to those will be fine, I don't care). Your guests will have a great vacation regardless so don't worry too much about them not enjoying it!

              #17 jajajaja

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                Posted 10 March 2008 - 04:25 PM

                If you had a wedding at home, I'm sure most of those stressors would still be there. Since you have guests all over the country, most would have to travel anyways so I bet you would find yourself in a similar situation anyways.

                If you are paying for your parents, why are they staying at a different hotel? I would ask them to stay close to you because isn't that the whole idea? Why else pay for them to go?

                Keep your chin up. Don't let everything stress you out. All these extras that some of DW brides do are just extras. I decided not to do OOT bags and other little goodies because I didn't want the stress of them and the idea of putting them together didn't sound like fun to me. Do what YOU want to do. You can plan as much or as little as you would like. That's the beauty of a DW. Most people don't go in with all these expecations like they would for a "normal" wedding. This is relatively uncharted territory so most people are just excited to have a chance to do something new.

                We don't have many guests going in the end, but we are thankful that we have ANY going. I know it's a lot to ask of people so we are thrilled that they like us that much...haha. It sounds like you wanted a small, simple wedding in the beginning. Why not just keep it that way and let all the stressors go.
                Happily married since 2008

                #18 Kat81

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                  Posted 10 March 2008 - 04:47 PM

                  I have gone back and forth with it as well. I also am planning the wedding by myself. My FI is gone all the time for work and our families live so far away. My MOH and two bridesmaids live in a different state. I am here with just BDW to get me through this. Like all the others.. I just keep telling myself.. In the scheme of things people won't remember the starfish on the table or the extra jewelry in the bouquet. They will remember the look in your FI's eyes when he sees you for the first time coming down the aisle. And they will remember the tears in your eyes when you tell your FI how much you love and cherish him. That is what people will remember.

                  #19 Debs

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                    Posted 10 March 2008 - 04:53 PM

                    Quote:
                    Originally Posted by LC_Rachel

                    If you are paying for your parents, why are they staying at a different hotel? I would ask them to stay close to you because isn't that the whole idea? Why else pay for them to go?
                    I was thinking this too

                    So now you are also going to have to pay day passes for them? Transportation to/from your venue? This is a bit bizarre to me.

                    Other than that, believe me, 90% of us girls are going through the same issues right now. You still have lots going! I went from 50 'Fo sho' s to 12 actual bookings. Nice eh?

                    #20 JUSTUSTWO

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                      Posted 10 March 2008 - 04:58 PM

                      As you can see, you aren't alone! I think that with most big events in our lives, there comes some stress. I too have had the same issues, people who rsvp'd yes & then backed out, family members who complained about the location not being "conveinent for them", family & lifelong friends who aren't coming for various reasons. At 1 point, FI & I were even considering changing our DW from Jamaica to Vegas, just to please our families who were complaining about going to scary/unsafe/too far away Jamaica! We were all ready to cancel & rebook!!!!
                      The bottom line is that you can't please everyone & no matter what you do, someone else is going to complain, the only things/people that should matter are you & FI. As long as you two are doing what you want, how you want, where you want, then no one else matters. It took me venting to BDW to figure that out.

                      So at a time, I didn't feel like it was worth it & was depressed/discouraged. I got through it & now I'm excited & grateful for those who are making the sacrifice to join us. You will get through this too.




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