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Do you ever feel like it's just not worth it?


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#1 lyrebard

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    Posted 10 March 2008 - 12:51 PM

    I'm having a lapse in faith about this whole going-away-to-get-hitched thing. It seemed like such a good idea at the time: we're not "formal event" kind of people, our families live on opposite coasts so meeting in the "middle" seemed smart, and we just wanted a big vacation with our favorite people.

    But now so many things are happening that are just making me feel totally defeated:
    - His parents are coming (we're buying their plane tickets are were planning to pay for their hotel) but they may not even stay at our hotel, instead thinking of staying at an AI about 40 minutes away (!) with another one of their kids and 1-year old granddaughter. So much for a group vacation!
    - His favorite relative and her family, who were all RSVP'd "yes," are having a hard time because she was just diagnosed with breast cancer
    - My grandparents are coming (we're buying them 1st class tickets and paying for their hotel), but now I'm worried that the trip will take a big toll on them (they're 88 years old)
    - I'm sick and tired of thinking about decorations and money and to-do lists
    - One by one, friends who were near-guarantees are having to back out due to other obligations (job, baby, sick family members, etc.)
    - We're having the reception somewhere not particularly well-known, so finding people to provide advice and talk about their experience has been really, really hard.

    It all just seems to be just one big PITA right now. And since the boy is finishing up med school and dealing with exams, and more exams, and 24-hour call every 5 days or so, I'm having to do most of the planning by myself. It's strange, but I guess I'm just feeling more alone and sad and overwhelmed than I am motivated and excited.

    Someone tell me this is temporary? That you've gone through this stage and come out the other side feeling excited again? That it'll all be worth it in the end? Because right now it's feeling awfully hard to see the forest for the trees.

    #2 ACDCDCAC

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    Posted 10 March 2008 - 12:57 PM

    Hang in there, and read through the Vent section! You are soooo not alone in feeling this way. Just keep your eye on the prize, and think swaying palm trees and the sound of waves, and it will hopefully help you to breathe easier!

    #3 rodent

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      Posted 10 March 2008 - 12:58 PM

      i've gone from 60 guests to 20. there are like 20 people still planning to book this close to the wedding. I really don't know that they will.

      can you do without decorations? I scrapped everything like that to keep it easier & give me less to pack. the water is my decoration.

      I also worry about my 80 year old grandma & my dad who isn't in good health. but this trip has been motivation for them to get in better health. my dad has lost 100 lbs!

      your in Rm right? Matt adcock gave me a great tip for a trip to coba that even his 90year old gma did. my gma is so excited. If you want, i can give you more info.

      It's worth it & you are not alone. You have the whole BDW forum to support you. When I was dealing with annoying problems I always felt like it was worth it to have a DW because I found the forum & met all these cool people.

      Check out my BDW blog & take any of my templates/ ideas you want. That may help your to-do list.

      I should add, I have felt exactly that way. I think we all considered elopement a few times. Now that all the PITAs are behind me I'm just completely excited. I've stopped caring about who books. Your wedding is going to be amazing.

      All my friends felt the same way about their traditional wedding. When it gets close they are so stresed out. But they still love the wedding day. for us DW brides we get a whole week of a great time.

      #4 Alyssa

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        Posted 10 March 2008 - 12:58 PM

        It does seem like most of go through something like this at some point.

        Do you have WC? this is a perfect situation to suck up the cost and hire a WC and pass EVERYTHINK off onto them!

        also - if you are paying for your parents - why are you giving them a choice of where to stay?

        #5 Yari

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          Posted 10 March 2008 - 12:58 PM

          It will be all worth it!

          We have all felt some sort of angst regarding our wedding planning process. It is normal.

          #6 lucy106

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            Posted 10 March 2008 - 01:04 PM

            Having gone through a traditonal wedding the first time around I can tell you all of those issues are actually compounded for a more formal wedding. It sounds like you have a ton on your plate but please try to delegate so you can enjoy the experience too not dread it. Thats no good! Plus you dont need the added stress (congrats on finishing med school, woohoo). You will be fine and your wedding will be gorgeous. Some may not be able to attend but the two most important people will (you and your FI) and isnt that what its all about.

            #7 Nrvsbride

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              Posted 10 March 2008 - 01:08 PM

              Everyone has felt stressed at some point in the planning process. The thing to do is remember what it was that first attracted you to a DW. I guarantee you that you will have an amazing wedding and it will all be worth it in the end.

              Why does FI's parents want to stay so far away? Could you talk to them and explain that the great thing about having a DW is that you get to do a family vacation? Tell them how much it would mean to you guys to have them stay at your hotel. They should really reconsider since you are paying for them. With regards to your grandma, don't worry a lot of older people travel. My 91 year old grandmother is on a trip to costa rica as we speak. Everything can be arranged and older people love the sunshine so it will be a great experience for her.

              #8 lambert13

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                Posted 10 March 2008 - 01:15 PM

                All that will matter after all is said and done is being married to the one you love and spending time with friends and family. Decorations, OOT crap, arches, logos, centerpieces, and all that other stuff is secondary. Nobody will come away from there talking about the place settings....they will be talking about the happily married couple.

                Don't sweat the small stuff and pay attention to the things that really matter.

                Quote:
                Originally Posted by Nrvsbride
                and older people love the sunshine.
                And this is why we heart Glenda. I love it! If you ever need someone to find the silver lining for you, Glenda is the one for the job.

                #9 rodent

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                  Posted 10 March 2008 - 01:17 PM

                  Quote:
                  Originally Posted by lambert13
                  All that will matter after all is said and done is being married to the one you love and spending time with friends and family. Decorations, OOT crap, arches, logos, centerpieces, and all that other stuff is secondary. Nobody will come away from there talking about the place settings....they will be talking about the happily married couple.

                  Don't sweat the small stuff and pay attention to the things that really matter.

                  Well put. I wasn't going to do any of that stuff. Now I'm a logo & OOT bag, making fool. But just because it's so much fun. You can scrap everything but the ceremony (and the FI) and it will be great.

                  #10 Jenn

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                    Posted 10 March 2008 - 01:26 PM

                    There were definitely times that I wanted to run away and elope, but I wouldn't trade anything in the world for my DW! It was wonderful, and all of my guests had a fantastic time. I also was at a less known location, but the ideas, inspiration, and issues from BDW translate regardless of locale. As others have said, don't sweat the small stuff... your guests will never miss the project you just didn't get to. Your wedding will be beautiful, and the most important people will be there... you and your fiance.

                    About a month before my wedding, I literally said "screw it" to ANYTHING that stressed me out.

                    Oh... and I'm sure your FI will relax a little after the match, so hold on just a little longer :)




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