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Still invite people to DW if they can't go?

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#11 jmill130

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    Posted 06 March 2008 - 10:49 AM

    Originally Posted by Stormsong
    I read in a wedding book that you should invite everyone to a DW wedding, even if they can't go. If they are someone you would invite to a reception party for when you come back, then you should also invite them to the DW wedding. Its considered polite. The theoy is, people just like to be included....and invited, even if they have no plans on making it.
    This i know is the right thing to do....

    What if you want a small wedding and dont want all guests there since you want to have an intimate wedding, this method of etiquette is not going to work. If you invite for example: 200 guests but then end up with 100 replies, that might be way more than the 50 you originally budgeted for and planned everything for. I think if you want a small wedding, you just have to make a cut, some are just not going to be invited to the DW but will be to your reception party when you return home. I know it might hurt some people s feelings but not everyone can make everything. You cant please everyone anyhow. You can just hope they will be understanding. This has been an ongoing family discussion for me as well. I believe there are other threads that discuss issues like this.

    #12 Kristy!


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      Posted 06 March 2008 - 11:06 AM

      I wouldn't send out invitations to everyone for my DW that I am inviting to my AHR. I'd go broke!

      I know I'm in the minority with this one, but I'm not sending out STDs. I'm sending out my invites really early (like 10 months before my wedding) because there are very few direct flights to St Lucia so things need to be booked far in advance. I have my "A" listers who are all aware of when the wedding will be happening and I plan to send an invitation to every one of them. Even if they've already said they can't make it, they're close to me so I want them to at least receive an invitation.

      #13 BarefootBride

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        Posted 06 March 2008 - 11:17 AM

        Our families are in Texas, La, and Virginia and we both live in Japan so we decided to have a DW for the same reasons.
        Because it is not been a custom in my family to send out STD, I really didnt do any formal STD. I sent out email to the wedding website and told people that we were getting married. Most of my family and friends got busy and got a quote for the wedding from my TA within the last 4 months. Only 2 booked.
        I thought about not sending any invitations but I wanted family members such as aunts, uncles, cousins, parents,and close friends etc to feel included, and I made about 60 invitations to send out.

        I think that if people like parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles cant make it for whatever reason, you should send an invitation anyways. I think its being considerate.

        #14 Alesha4

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          Posted 06 March 2008 - 11:24 AM

          I think that you should do what is within your budget. I would invite everyone even if I knew they wouldn't make it b/c you never know they may end up being able to go but feel hurt and left out b/c they never got the option.

          We are also having a huge AHR when we return which is the main reason we will be sending out all invites. I also plan on making them myself to save cost and using the saved money on the extra postage.

          You know your friends and family the best. Not sure how much your invites are but is it worth the saving the extra $$ not inviting them? Would there be grief over it? To me no amount of money is worth the grief.

          #15 starchild



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            Posted 06 March 2008 - 11:27 AM

            Originally Posted by BarefootBride
            I think that if people like parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles cant make it for whatever reason, you should send an invitation anyways. I think its being considerate.
            Funny, I think it's being considerate to not send them an invitation after they've already said no. It doesn't settle well with me for reasons already stated, plus it kind of seems like fishing for a gift. (I know you're not, that's just how I would feel if I already said I can't go and a few months later get an invitation).

            #16 violethaze2b

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              Posted 06 March 2008 - 11:29 AM

              Just what I see from the parents and with the grandparents being that much more old fashioned in their etiquette I would say send them the invites. Correspondence can mean a lot even if they can't make it.
              Excited to be Mrs. Hayes

              #17 JennyK

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                Posted 06 March 2008 - 11:50 AM

                Ive been sending STDs to people that I'm sure won't come, but to be "nice" I'm still sending it. If they come back and say they definitely will not come, then I will not send an invite. I have family that lives in Europe that my mom and dad are telling me to send them invites. I doubt they'd come, but again I have to send an invite.

                #18 townie princess

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                  Posted 06 March 2008 - 11:53 AM

                  Thanks for the advice so far.

                  Canada is a very large country, and it costs a lot to travel across it. If we had an AHR, we would have it where we live now. That's across the country from where we both grew up.

                  He has family that could not afford to come to the wedding unless we had it in their backyard (quite literally their back yard, I don't even think some of them could make it an hour's drive down the road to the "big city").

                  I'm torn because I don't want to offend anyone on his side of the family by omitting them, but at the same time we didn't want a wedding back there because it would cost a lot, would take too much planning and a whole lotta stress for people I barely know who want a free party.

                  I think it might be a case of "screwed if you do, screwed if you don't". I guess it's should be the thought that counts though.


                  #19 melglnh2o

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                    Posted 06 March 2008 - 12:06 PM

                    I would still send them the invite. We invited almost 200 people but some of them had told us they couldn't make it but we sent the invites anyway because we wanted them to know we were thinking about them.

                    #20 lucy106

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                      Posted 06 March 2008 - 12:22 PM

                      We sent STDs to everyone we wanted to invite. Even the people who we do not think will be able to attend (Grandparents, etc) we sent them too. We are going to be sending all of these people formal invites too. IMO its a nice way to let them know they are a special part of your life even if they cant make it.

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