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Opt out of reception?


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#31 Yari

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    Posted 03 March 2008 - 10:50 PM

    I think to each their own. Everyone has different thoughts.

    I still stand by my original statement that I believe that guests expect a reception after a wedding.

    My friends wedding was awesome...it was so sad that there was no reception afterwards. We have seven fun filled days together, and it was the best vacation ever...yet there was something missing (a reception).

    #32 starchild

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      Posted 03 March 2008 - 10:54 PM

      Quote:
      Originally Posted by amyh
      No one is saying you are being inconsiderate. It was my opinion. Our group will not go back to bed, they will want to party. I know my family and the type of weddings we attend. It is an event. You are being very thoughtful, however, I am a little offended when you say I think people get themselves in trouble by spending money they don't have out of guilt.

      I am not making oot bags, etc, since we cannot afford it, however, our guests are attending our wedding and I want them to have a great time.
      I agree with you Amy. As someone already married I'm not speaking in hypotheticals and I can assure you that our group appreciated the time of fellowship. We even had an unplanned afterparty for after the reception, because people still wanted to party. Everyone's guests aren't as outgoing so I guess the key is knowing your crowd.

      And there was no spending out of guilt for us, we wanted to spend time with people who took time off of work and saved $$ to be there with us. It's not guilt when you want to do it. We came back to no bills, no debt, as everything was planned out and prepaid in advance. But we took full advantage of the opportunity to celebrate with our loved ones and they wouldn't have taken the option to do their own thing anyway. They were in PV for us, it's not like we ran into them coincidentally.

      #33 rodent

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        Posted 03 March 2008 - 10:55 PM

        Quote:
        Originally Posted by amyh
        No one is saying you are being inconsiderate. It was my opinion. Our group will not go back to bed, they will want to party. I know my family and the type of weddings we attend. It is an event. You are being very thoughtful, however, I am a little offended when you say I think people get themselves in trouble by spending money they don't have out of guilt.

        I am not making oot bags, etc, since we cannot afford it, however, our guests are attending our wedding and I want them to have a great time.
        I am definitly not saying that anyone having a reception is spending too much or that people shouldn't have receptions. I just don't think it needs to be an expectation to have a private reception. And I wasn't referring to anyone in particular by what I said. I don't like seeing people stretch their budget to something that they are not comfortable with to suite everyone's expectations of their wedding. So if someone posts that they don't want to pay for a reception, I feel like it would be more helpful to come up with ideas of things they can do instead.

        I felt like when the original poster said they did not want to pay for a private reception people were saying that is not considerate of guests since they are traveling to the wedding. I have seen people say many times on the forum that they are not having a reception. Responses are often "it's the least you can do when people are spending so much money to come to your wedding." I just don't agree. I do not think you owe your guest a reception in exchange for making the trip. There are many ways to show you are thankful & show them a good time.

        #34 amyh

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          Posted 03 March 2008 - 10:58 PM

          Quote:
          Originally Posted by starchild
          I agree with you Amy. As someone already married I'm not speaking in hypotheticals and I can assure you that our group appreciated the time of fellowship. We even had an unplanned afterparty for after the reception, because people still wanted to party. Everyone's guests aren't as outgoing so I guess the key is knowing your crowd.

          And there was no spending out of guilt for us, we wanted to spend time with people who took time off of work and saved $$ to be there with us. We came back to no bills, no debt, as everything was planned out and prepaid in advance. But we took full advantage of the opportunity to celebrate with our loved ones and they wouldn't have taken the option to do their own thing anyway. They were in PV for us, it's not like we ran into them coincidentally.
          lol, thanks Jamy. And may I add, Hans and I have been planning our wedding a year in advanced to pay for this event. we too are not doing this out of guilt or spending money we don't have.

          #35 rodent

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            Posted 03 March 2008 - 10:59 PM

            Quote:
            Originally Posted by starchild
            I agree with you Amy. As someone already married I'm not speaking in hypotheticals and I can assure you that our group appreciated the time of fellowship. We even had an unplanned afterparty for after the reception, because people still wanted to party. Everyone's guests aren't as outgoing so I guess the key is knowing your crowd.

            And there was no spending out of guilt for us, we wanted to spend time with people who took time off of work and saved $$ to be there with us. We came back to no bills, no debt, as everything was planned out and prepaid in advance. But we took full advantage of the opportunity to celebrate with our loved ones and they wouldn't have taken the option to do their own thing anyway. They were in PV for us, it's not like we ran into them coincidentally.
            I definitly did not say everyone having a reception is doing so out of guilt. And not everyone would go into debt for one. But, it doesn't fit everyone's budget. People who don't have the budget for a reception should not be expected to elope just because they won't be buying their guests dinner & having a dance after their wedding.

            Feel free to delete my posts if they are offensive. I was definitly not trying to offend anyone. I just want people to know there are options for how to do this. People have weddings at AIs all the time without paying for more than the basic package & they work out great.

            #36 Spazz

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              Posted 03 March 2008 - 11:02 PM

              My FI went to 2 DWs (I have never been to one). He said at 1 there was a reception and at the other one there wasn't. He said he had more fun at the one where there was no formal reception - they got something to eat and then went to the bar and all hung out as a group. When we started to plan our wedding, he assumed that we would do the same (no reception). I had no problem with that until I realized the number of people I had coming (about 85) and how difficult it would be to spend time with them all without an organized reception. (And then I joined BDW and have gotten completely out of control with my planning...lol!) I may have planned it a lot differently if I had less guests. I don't think there is a right or wrong thing to do for a DW. Like someone else said, to each her own!

              #37 Yari

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                Posted 03 March 2008 - 11:03 PM

                Okay, we get it!!

                This is starting to turn into

                #38 rodent

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                  Posted 03 March 2008 - 11:06 PM

                  can a mod just delete my posts in this thread. I wish I didn't say anything about this topic. I still believe what I said & I don't like seeing people think they have to do their wedding a certain way. I just don't like how this has gone. Sometimes when things are typed it's really hard to get the message across without it coming off a different way. It's really hard for me to see people I'm close to overspend on their weddings & deal with it later. And I'm not talking about any of you when I say that.

                  #39 amyh

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                    Posted 03 March 2008 - 11:09 PM

                    Quote:
                    Originally Posted by Morgan

                    Feel free to delete my posts if they are offensive. I was definitly not trying to offend anyone. I just want people to know there are options for how to do this. People have weddings at AIs all the time without paying for more than the basic package & they work out great.
                    I will not be deleting your posts. And no, its not turning into I just think you are very passionate about as am I.

                    The original post asked if it was tacky, i didn't say it was. I only said that I would be disappointed if I attended a DW that did not have some sort of reception/dinner/ something. With that said, you are spending your money elsewhere, which is great (oot bags, excursions, etc). However, I am not, we choose to spend our money on a reception.

                    #40 starchild

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                      Posted 03 March 2008 - 11:12 PM

                      Look, I get it - if there is no budget (or no desire to the spend money) for a formal reception I don't think it's awful. I was responding to the let people do what they want after the wedding statement. You can spend no money at an AI and tell people the reception will follow at x spot. That's fine. You are giving guests a place to be to celebrate your recent wedding and the reason they are there in the first place.

                      I just think saying "if you want to do this go here, they have this over there" etc. breaks apart the group and they can go their own way every other day of the trip. My guests wouldn't want to but if that's not you (or your crowd) then don't do it. Your posts shouldn't be deleted and try not to worry about other people's spending, just your own :)




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