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Opt out of reception?

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#11 Agape Gems

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    Posted 03 March 2008 - 05:40 PM

    My FI is a total budget-Nazi (hope thats not offensive but its the only term that truely describes him!) but I really feel like people are coming a long way to celebrate our wedding with us and since the ceremony is only like 20 minutes I feel like thats not really worth traveling all that way if there is no party afterwards. My ceremony is at 11am, so we are having a lunch recpetion at one of the semi-private restuarants that is free and then later that night we will all regroup to party. This way we both win- I can decorate and make a program, etc but it will all still be free.

    IMHO, if you really just want to have the ceremony then why not just the 2 of you go and get married then have your at home reception and show a video, pics, etc?
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    #12 TammyWright


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    Posted 03 March 2008 - 05:41 PM

    Originally Posted by amyh
    IMHO, if I went to a DW that didn't have some sort of reception/gathering/party, I'd be a little annoyed.
    i have to agree with this...people are paying thousand sof $$ for your wedding...i am sure you can do something private...

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    #13 Cole5worm

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      Posted 03 March 2008 - 06:00 PM

      We are having dinner on one of the lawns (they provide that with the package) then i plan on just heading to the Disco at the resort and making my own dance party. They serve until 3 am so it will never stop!

      #14 Alesha4

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        Posted 03 March 2008 - 06:12 PM

        Thank you all for such quick replies. I completely agree with everyone. It would feel like something is missing if we don't do a reception after. I also feel if people are going to spent $$ to come I want them to feel appreciated. I would love to have something private but I think I will look into the semi-private idea.

        I have been looking strongly at ROR but my date hasnt even been set yet. Just trying to see if certain resorts offer free options that will have a reception feel. It sounds like many of them do.

        Thanks again ladies! Hopefully when my man sees that adding in a reception for probably 30 will not break the bank, he may give in.


        #15 Sarah


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          Posted 03 March 2008 - 06:42 PM

          Originally Posted by amyh
          IMHO, if I went to a DW that didn't have some sort of reception/gathering/party, I'd be a little annoyed.
          Originally Posted by Tammy Host
          i have to agree with this...people are paying thousand sof $$ for your wedding...i am sure you can do something private...
          I also agree. If you want a group vacation, do a group vacation. But, if it's your wedding- and you're inviting people to come with the expectation that they will participate in wedding events- I think they will expect some sort of formal/informal party. I think I would be pretty disappointed if I went to a DW and there was no reception.

          #16 rodent


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            Posted 03 March 2008 - 06:54 PM

            I'm a little confused why people think it shows lack of appreciation for your guests to not have a reception. I feel I am being so considerate of my guests & I know they feel appreciated.

            I picked a less expensive hotel so their trips wouldn't cost a lot ($650-$800 for flight, hotel, food)

            I'm making very thoughtful OOT bags

            I've been providing tons of info so they don't have to do hardly anything to get ready for the trip

            I've organized 2 optional excursions. We are not paying for the fishing trip, but we are paying for the charter van to take everyone to coba. I know the main thing they appreciate though is my time spent researching the trips.

            We will have a ceremony which I really think guests will enjoy. Afterwards we'll take a group picture that I will send to everyone.

            Then we'll have dinner in a hotel restaurant. I imagine many guests will head to their rooms after that. We have some older guests who are in bed by 8pm. I know the rest of us can find something to do to have a great time that night.

            I really don't think any of our guests will feel shortchanged. They are all so excited about making the trip. I feel very strongly that spending money is not the only way to show people you care & appreciate them. I think people get themselves in trouble by spending money they don't have out of guilt. I'm working with a little budget so i have to work a little harder to say thank you to my guests, but I know it can be done. I don't think any of them will look back at our wedding & wish they stayed home because it wasn't worth a trip.

            Also, my parents are divorced & it could get a little akward. Letting people have the option to do their own thing might make it more comfortable.

            UPDATE As you can tell, I was pretty passionate as I typed this. I don't think I expressed what I was wanting to say right so here is my update:

            After reading this thread
            I realized what went so wrong with my post. I'm worried I came off like I was critising people who go into debt for a wedding or people who spend a lot of money on a wedding. That was not what I was trying to say. I totally respect that we all have different tolerance levels for debt & mine happens to be zero. But, I don't expect others to feel the same as me. Our life experiences shape our feelings about money, so I know not everyone will feel like I do. It's cool though. A bunch of penny pinching misers like me couldn't keep the economy going. I also don't think it's wrong to spend a lot on a wedding if that what the person wants. I just wouldn't want us to encourage someone who doesn't want to spend a lot on their wedding to do so out of pressure.

            The point I was trying to make was that if someone isn't comfortable with spending enough to do something for their wedding that is usually considered standard, I think we should support them. We can offer up ideas if we have them for how to cover what's needed without blowing the budget.

            Again, I'm sorry if I seemed rude. I didn't give my email the typical edit of "could this be taking the wrong way" I normally do because I got busy with work. I have complete respect for all types of wedding. Huge elaborate affairs and simple ones. As long as your heart is in the right place I don't think you can go wrong with how you plan your wedding.

            Thanks everyone for letting me know I came off offensive so I could correct my statement.

            #17 rodent


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              Posted 03 March 2008 - 07:05 PM

              I thought of some more things to add. I want to make sure I don't sound like I'm upset with anyone or looking to argue. I just put a lot of thought into my wedding & feel that it will work out great this way.

              Here I go again,

              I have talked to many brides outside of this forum (trip advisor, etc). None of them had a reception. They told me what types of activities their guests did after the wedding & it sounds like they had a great time.

              I don't like structure on vacations. I like the freedom to do my own thing & not have to stick with a group. I do not like organized meals which is one reason why I don't want welcome receptions, welcome brunches, etc. I usually plan a vacation every year on my birthday to avoid organizing a big birthday meal. It's just not my thing. Disliking receptions was one of the things that made me want to leave the country & have a destination wedding.

              Also, doing my wedding this way has allowed me not to worry about things that people normally get really upset about. I haven't had to worry that I'm 3 months away & have so many guests who haven't booked although they say they will. I don't care when people invite their friends or family to tag along. I didn't have to worry about who i should invite to keep in a budget. I just invited everyone & made it clear we don't expect they come. I've had pretty much zero drama with my wedding. No stress about money, no fights with Mike, no fights with family or friends. It has been wonderful.

              I am so happy I took the "group vaction" approach to planning. I can give my review after my wedding & say if I am still happy with my decision. i will be honest & let people know if I regret not having a real reception.

              #18 cantwaittobemrs

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                Posted 03 March 2008 - 07:06 PM

                Morgan I agree with you... We are getting married and having the dinner that is included. We only have 10-14 people going, so I don't see the point in making everyone do the same thing, especially when my FI's parents and my parents will probably be ready to go to bed by 9 or 10... We plan on finding entertainment at the hotel, whether it is at one of the AI bars or in our room with everyone, then the disco when it opens. I don't think spending money is the only way to show people you are glad they are there. I guess it it was a bigger group I might feel differently, but I am pretty happy with what we are doing now, and so are our guests!

                #19 Agape Gems

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                  Posted 03 March 2008 - 07:11 PM

                  Morgan- I think having dinner after the ceremony is a reception. I just think it would be weird to have a ceremony, take pics, then tell your guests" ok that was fun, we are going to do consummate our marriage, see ya tomorrow!"

                  And I totally agree that it makes no sense to go into debt over a wedding. Not this applies to anyone on BDW, but more than 50% of marriages end in divorce in the first 2 years and I bet a lot of those people end up still paying for a wedding long after the divorce!
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                  #20 rodent


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                    Posted 03 March 2008 - 07:15 PM

                    thought of another point (again, not angry just full of opinions)

                    As I find myself saying a lot, I've been a BM many, many times. Some brides spend a lot of money on gifts, rehersal dinners, receptions, farewell brunches, bridesmaids luncheons. Sometimes it gets a little exausting going to event after event. I do think its a nice gesture, but usually I just wish they saved their money.

                    The things that really move me are heartfelt thank you notes, personal gifts, and most of all consideration for my time and money. The things that have meant the most to me were the friend who let us rewear a dress we had, the friend who made the funniest photoalbum as a gift, & a really nice thank you note I got a couple weeks after a wedding. These are the things that stick out in my mind above the fancy meals, fancy gifts, etc.

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