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FI vent :(


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#1 JennyK

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    Posted 20 February 2008 - 12:17 PM

    Am I the only one here that can't get the FI to participate in wedding planning? He tells me that it's my thing and he'll just tell me if things are too expensive or not but I want a lil more support. ughhhhhhhhh!

    #2 lucy106

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      Posted 20 February 2008 - 12:24 PM

      Well that can make things more stressful for you to not get input. and then for him to say he will tell you when things are too expensive, I mean he's not your parent. Does he know you want his help and to make it a fun couple thing?

      #3 ACDCDCAC

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      Posted 20 February 2008 - 12:26 PM

      Haha, you might be lucky! A lot of us have had issues with their input, it doesn't exactly match up with what we want, etc. Hopefully you can get him to join in tho. I know with Doug, he doesn't have a lot to say about it all, so when he does have an opinion on something, I kinda have to give in to it even if it's not my idea of perfect.

      #4 ErinB

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        Posted 20 February 2008 - 12:27 PM

        My FI is the same, but maybe worse. He says it's my thing but then he freely offers his opinion if he dislikes something. I find that if I cry I can get him to participate! Sometimes it is on purpose, others I really do break down. He is from a family of all boys and I really don't think he gets a lot of it. He doesn't grasp tradition or ettiquette.

        What worked for me was to give him a time line and check list. He's very task oriented. so it was look through this book and give me your top 5 whatevers and by March 1 you have to have made an appointment with the tailor, etc.

        #5 Jessica

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          Posted 20 February 2008 - 01:56 PM

          That's EXACTLY what Brian said to me the whole time. It pissed me off. I think the most frustrating part for me was that I had so much else going on and techically, I didn't even want a wedding, he did (I was all about eloping). The wedding was just another thing on my plate and I needed some help.

          But I mean, most guys just aren't into this sort of thing. Eventually I just said screw it, I'll do things the way I want them, if he bitches later, oh well.

          #6 ACDCDCAC

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          Posted 20 February 2008 - 02:01 PM

          Quote:
          Originally Posted by JamaicaBride062108
          What worked for me was to give him a time line and check list. He's very task oriented. so it was look through this book and give me your top 5 whatevers and by March 1 you have to have made an appointment with the tailor, etc.
          This works for us as well, I try to "assign" Doug to the tasks that are more paper-oriented, instead of the ones that involve "money/and or color choosing" options! That way he doesn't get overwhelmed or bored.
          Quote:
          Originally Posted by JessicaLovesBrian
          But I mean, most guys just aren't into this sort of thing. Eventually I just said screw it, I'll do things the way I want them, if he bitches later, oh well.
          Yup, sometimes ya just gotta do it and hope he doesnt realize that he had nothing to do with it

          #7 Yari

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            Posted 20 February 2008 - 02:27 PM

            Sorry you are frustrated with your FI.

            Have you sat him done and talked to him about how much this bothers you? Maybe if you have a serious conversation with him he will take it more seriously.

            #8 Jacqueline

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              Posted 20 February 2008 - 02:51 PM

              You're not alone, it's pretty much the same for me too. So far I've called and booked the church and hall (which was a pain in the ass) Joe does ask questions and likes the ideas I tell him but for the most part it's me. HOWEVERRR it's still kinda early in the planning for us so I have a feeling once he sees what things will cost, he's gonna be like WTF and THATS when problems will happen. He just has no clue. And I'm asking him now "So how are we going to do this, just split it all down the middle right?" He's like "Yeah thats fine, whatever you think." haha Until he see how much flowers are!!!!

              #9 jajajaja

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                Posted 20 February 2008 - 03:06 PM

                I went through this the first couple months of planning. Then I quickly realized I'm going to do what I want if he doesn't want to give input. Worked out perfectly!

                If we needed to discuss something extra (like adding an unbudgeted element) I did talk to him about it. But if it was already budgeted and agreed upon that we would have something, then I just picked it out and did it myself.

                Guys aren't interested in this type of thing. Find some friends who enjoy planning with you or come to the forum. It will make it 10x easier to leave the FI out of the decision making process.
                Happily married since 2008

                #10 Karen

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                  Posted 20 February 2008 - 03:12 PM

                  As most you guys know, I'm married to the exception to the rule as far as this stuff goes. Jay is a planning addict like me and loves travel so planning a DW was right up his alley. He was very involved. In fact, he joined BDW and started looking for his wedding attire BEFORE me. I was calling myself the female groom because i didn't really care about a lot of the frilly details and basically just wanted to get married. Jay would always say he never really understood why a guy wouldn't be invested in planning one of the most important days of his life.

                  I think a lot of guys feel out of the loop and that their opinions really don't matter. Maybe it's a mentality like...."I'm just going to be shot down or treated like a little helper so why should I bother." Or..some guys might want to benefits of a beautiful wedding and not willing to do any of the work. Maybe you guys should sit down and let him know that this wedding belongs to both of you so it should be something that you are both planning. Plus let him know that it's important that you both do the work involved. Maybe make a list of tasks and divy up the tasks between the both of you. good Luck.
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