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Along the "Not my guest" line - what to do??

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17 replies to this topic

#11 rodent


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    Posted 06 February 2008 - 11:59 PM

    Originally Posted by mauraw
    kind of funny piece of trivia, but in mexico, typically if you are inviting someone to both ceremony and reception, you send party tickets with the invitation. if you are only inviting them to the ceremony, they dont get party tickets, so its pretty clear what you're invited to and how many people can attend! too bad that hasnt caught on in the US!

    i say theres nothing wrong with sending out a little boarding pass thingy or something to the people who are invited to the ceremony, and make it clear that youd love to have everyone but the cruise ship has rules about the capacity of the room, etc etc
    Some people just get invited to one? I can understand only inviting everyone to the reception & a small group to the ceremony. But, who wants to go to a ceremony & not a party? I guess if that's how people do it though everyone understands.

    I've told a few friends if they want to invite family or their friends thats fine with me. They just wouldn't come to the ceremony or dinner afterwards because we want to keep that small, but they can hang out with us any other time. I really think those guests would prefer to use that time to go off & do something fun. I think very few people would rather be at the wedding of a stranger than enjoying their vacation.

    #12 becks



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      Posted 07 February 2008 - 10:47 AM

      I agree. Send them a confirmation in the form of a boarding pass or whatever. And I'd specifically point out that due to the cruise ship regulations or the room capacity or whatever, that people without boarding passes can not (or will not) be permitted to attend.

      People will get it.

      Happily married since 2008

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      #13 ticia277

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        Posted 07 February 2008 - 10:53 AM

        To eliminate 'uninvited' guests to our DW, I added this line to the bottom of my Save the dates.

        _____ seats have been reserved in your honor.

        I filled in the # based upon how many people we invited from that particular guest and we did not have a problem. I also password protected the travel info page on our website and sent an email to our guests asking them not to give out the information.
        Loving Married Life!

        #14 Debs

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          Posted 07 February 2008 - 12:24 PM

          I'm guessing you can't get more obvious than that, Ticia!

          Good move!

          #15 jajajaja

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            Posted 07 February 2008 - 03:32 PM

            That was a good idea Ticia. Maybe you could do the same as Ticia- sending them some type of card telling them that __ of seats have been saved and then just a short note explaining the capacity issue.

            It's so odd that so many people need an excuse for a vacation- I understand that completely. Some families may want to use their wedding trip to also double as their family vacation. But what totally throws me off is the problems we ALL have with guests we actually want there. Do they not feel the need to vacation? What's the issue?
            Happily married since 2008

            #16 dayisun

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              Posted 07 February 2008 - 08:40 PM

              My daughter actually wanted to have wording on the RSVP stating the number of people actually invited, but her FH thought it would not be proper ettiquete, and I kind of agreed with him. In hindsight, and seeing all the posts regarding uninvited guests, I would recommend that type of wording be on the RSVP's.
              I recently saw an RSVP card with the following wording that made it perfectly clear how many people were expected: "____(#)__-- of place settings have been reserved in your honor."
              Proud Mother of the Bride

              #17 jajajaja

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                Posted 07 February 2008 - 08:51 PM

                Etiquette shmetiquette. It's also not proper to invite your WHOLE family- inlaws included to a wedding you were invited to. I think sometimes proper etiquette is a little outdated because people are just so rude and overassuming these days. Is it because everyone is narcistic?

                But I guess your damage control requires you to spell it out for those people. I would just send a letter thanking them for RSVP and confirm that you reserved ___ spaces in their honor. Then apologize for the space limitations.

                I'm hoping they weren't really expecting to bring their great uncle Lester to the wedding even though he doesn't know any of you. Who knows with people though? Being on this forum for the time I have has really educated me on how crazy weddings make people!
                Happily married since 2008

                #18 Samantha S

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                  Posted 09 February 2008 - 01:21 AM

                  I'm so glad I found this thread! Ticia, your idea is so good. We have friends inviting their family members/friends that we don't know in addition to their significant others and it is seriously worrying us not only cost-wise but because we want a small, intimate wedding with our closest family and friends. My FI wants to let whoever wants to come to Mexico, come to Mexico but then its invite only for the ceremony and reception. I thought it sounded tacky at first to tell people they can't come but its also burdensome on a couple to spend $75+ (in our case) per person for an already expensive wedding for people we don't know! Great and tactful ideas here, thanks!

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