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Arggh! Need to vent a little...


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#1 melwru

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    Posted 05 February 2008 - 03:29 PM

    So, I need to get something off my chest. Please bear with me.....

    So my FI and I got engaged in Oct. and almost immediately decided on a DW and we were very open and honest with all of our friends and family about our plans.
    Everyone was pretty receptive to our decision to get married in Jamaica. They were on board and their only request was that we gave them lots of notice...so I complied with their request! I started planning early, I picked a resort, picked a TA, requested a group rate, sent out wedding website with all the info... the wedding will take place next Jan. at ROR.

    So now it has come time for people to put down their deposit. NO ONE IN MY FAMILY WILL PUT DOWN A DEPOSIT! So far we have 11 people that RSVP'd and put down deposit. All RSVP's are either FI's family or our friends. I feel so upset and a little angry too. I accommodated their requests for "lots of notice", so what is the problem? They have a year to save their money, etc.

    I feel like I'm being "strung along".. Either commit and say your coming or decline and say you aren't. I love my family but right now I am so frustrated with them!
    Today I told them, they have 1 month to give me a definitive answer. I know its a year away, but I really need to know if anyone from my family is coming... this is emotionally straining on me..I'm a thinker and I'm a worrier. So this whole fiasco is emotionally draining for me right now!

    Am I being too hard on them and turning into a "bridezilla"?
    What do you suggest I do?
    Advice please, anyone?

    #2 Maura

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    Posted 05 February 2008 - 03:39 PM

    how much is the deposit? i cant imagine it's big... at least you were nice enough to go through a TA so they could pay it incrementally! with our hotel block, the FULL balance is due upon booking, and we aren't too happy about that.

    you are NOT being a bridezilla. hardly any of my family is coming to my DW because they are too lazy to travel or would rather spend their money doing something else like finishing their basement. yes, im serious. you cant let it get to you too much though --- ask them for a definitive answer and if they say no, then yeah you will be disappointed, but if they say yes you can make sure they get their deposit in. sometimes, sadly, you have to hold peoples hands to make them do stuff.

    #3 rodent

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      Posted 05 February 2008 - 03:39 PM

      I think most of us have gone through this. Do you need to deposits to far in advance? My FIs family was waiting because they couldn't decide what days they wanted to book. Prices went up, but they seemed fine with it. I tend to book stuff early, but i guess everyone works different. I engouraged everyone to book in october, but most waited. We are 4 1/2 months away & there are still 30 people undecided. I made sure to set things up in a way so I didn't have to worry about who comes. Now that both of our families are booked I'm not going to worry about anyone else booking. If they do, great. If not, that's fine too.

      call your family & see what the deley is. They might still be trying to work out vacation time, etc. Also, a lot of my guests put it off even though they meant to, but just never got around to it. I think DW planning is much easier if you don't get too involved in your guests booking.

      #4 amyh

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        Posted 05 February 2008 - 03:48 PM

        We have all been there. I think you need to understand that people have their own financial issues but if they say they are going they will most likely go. Your wedding is a year away. I gave our guests more than a year notice and quite a few booked this past Nov, while the rest are saying they will book once they get their Tax return.

        #5 melwru

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          Posted 05 February 2008 - 03:55 PM

          The deposit isnt that much. Its $200. And they have until 45 days before departure to pay it out. I'm trying not to get involved with guests booking but this is my family. my Dad already told me he wouldn't be coming because a trip to the tropics is on the "bottom of his list of things to do"....um Dad, its my wedding? My twin sis agreed to be my MOH but now cant confirm if she is going to come or not? My mom says she needs to work out her budget( ok, i understand that, i guess). as for my Bro and older sis...I havent even heard back from them AT ALL. And i call people but now I'm starting to feel like a "door-to-door vaccuum salesman", trying to convince people it would be a great time if they came to my wedding. I shouldnt have to resort to this. I just want my someone in my family to attend.....

          #6 rodent

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            Posted 05 February 2008 - 03:59 PM

            Also, it's not always money. Some of my guests were trying to figure out if they wanted to be starting a family at that time, or if they wanted to go on a different vacation, etc. I think people should be respectful though & RSVP by the RSVP date. But, if you can make that more like 5 months in advance that might really help your guests.

            I think 70 people told me they were interested. 18 have booked. Before deciding to do a DW I think brides should consider if they can handle this uncertainty. Also, we need to be able to hear all the different reasons why people can't go & not take it personally. Sometiems guests are just being downright rude, selfish or inconsiderate. But, often they are not trying to be difficult & just really don't know if they will make the trip.

            #7 rodent

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              Posted 05 February 2008 - 04:04 PM

              Quote:
              Originally Posted by melwru
              The deposit isnt that much. Its $200. And they have until 45 days before departure to pay it out. I'm trying not to get involved with guests booking but this is my family. my Dad already told me he wouldn't be coming because a trip to the tropics is on the "bottom of his list of things to do"....um Dad, its my wedding? My twin sis agreed to be my MOH but now cant confirm if she is going to come or not? My mom says she needs to work out her budget( ok, i understand that, i guess). as for my Bro and older sis...I havent even heard back from them AT ALL. And i call people but now I'm starting to feel like a "door-to-door vaccuum salesman", trying to convince people it would be a great time if they came to my wedding. I shouldnt have to resort to this. I just want my someone in my family to attend.....
              OK, i understand how thats more stressful since it's your fmaily. We had committment from our imediate families before starting to plan that they wanted to go. They are the only people we wouldn't want to have the wedding without. Now that they are all booked, it's easy to not worry about anyone else. I had to do all the paperwork to get my family booked, but they were happy to do it. I had to call several times to encourage them & I finally just booked it & had them call my TA with their cc #. They wanted to go, they just didn't take care of the booking. But, with all other guests I'm staying uninvolved for my sanity. I do wish I knew how many OOT bags to make, etc. but I'm OK waiting to see what happens.

              Where does your dad like to vacation? Who doesn't like tropical?

              #8 melwru

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                Posted 05 February 2008 - 04:13 PM

                You see, I am totally NOT stressed at all about friends and co workers etc., RSVPing or booking. I know they have stuff going on in their lives too but wanted to invite them and give them an option to come. I am in no way pressuring them or giving them time constraints to book or RSVP. If they can come awesome, if they cant I understand completely. Its my immediate family that I am stressing about. I just want to know if they can attend. yes or no. I accept if ,for financial reasons or work-related issues or family issues or whatever reason, they can not attend my wedding. I would just like to know sooner than later. If they are saying "maybe", but really just buying more time until they say "no" because they want to spare my feelings then I would rather just be told now. So i can get used to the idea thats all. I wouldnt make them feel bad and I wouldnt be angry at them. sure I would be a little disappointed because I would love to share our day with them but I am a very understanding and reasonable person. I would just rather know because I am worrying about it so much and thinking about it so much. I've never been married before so having my family there would be my ultimate wish. just feeling overwhelmed....sorry

                #9 jajajaja

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                  Posted 05 February 2008 - 04:16 PM

                  Ok while I totally understand your frustration, you still have a year. Have you considered if you can do the DW without your family there? I think that's something to decide early on otherwise you find yourself super stressed and knee deep in a lot of heartache.

                  My FI was extremely upset that his family wasn't going to come but he was resolved to still have the DW. He felt that it was their loss. They ended up booking a little bit ago. Guilt set in and they used money that was suppose to repair their roof to go. Now I think they are just trying to make us feel bad that they had to use that money to go to our wedding, but I saw so many things that they maybe shouldn't have bought along the way. People just have weird priorities sometimes. But whatever...at least they are coming in the end.

                  I wouldn't get too worked up now. A lot will change in a year- trust me!!
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                  #10 Celina

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                    Posted 05 February 2008 - 04:31 PM

                    I think LC Rachel (above) said it best in another post about this, that people have the means to go, just not the priority. A lot will change in a year. We gave our families 15 months to plan. We sent out STD letters last August for our November 8th wedding. They all knew and to date, none of my family have booked anything or have even started getting passports. Having a DW is a choice out of the norm for most people. My dad had the same response as your dad. I know exactly how you feel. He now says he is going, but like I said - still has no paperwork for passports. In the end it will all work out for all of us. You'll see! :)
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