About to blow a gasket. Priest gave away our ceremony time.

[Maura]

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Originally Posted by Betsy That is horrible!!! I am so sorry! Would your priest at home consider "blessing" your marriage after you get back? I know it is not ideal but maybe that would work! OMG I am sure you are freaking out! That is just plain not fair at all!!

The whole point of our doing a DW was to do our legal ceremony at home (for immigration purposes for my FI, he is not an american citizen. our lawyer said it would be easier for us if we do a legal thing here first), and our religious ceremony in MX because the religious one is the one that counts to us --- and especially to his big mexican catholic family. i talked to my dad this evening to tell him what happened and my dad was like well then why bother to even make everyone fly to mexico if you cant have it in the church anyway! yah, thanks for the support dad...UGH

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Originally Posted by coreyphil OK - here's my knee-jerk thoughts ... if you do decide to have the ceremony at the hotel, you have already thought through the pros --- no transportation, no lost time with Bradley, etc. --- so there are some positives. It sounds like you priest in Chicago is very nice (or at least super-responsive!) - after explaining the situation to him, would you be able to have a smaller ceremony there? I'm not Catholic, but FI is ... and we had to have lots of talks about having my friend (a Methodist minister) officiate at our ceremony. I know that it is really, really important in the Catholic faith to have the ceremony be Catholic ... On the other hand ... should we start making LOTS of fans now? If I remember correctly, the ceremony can be rather long ... so, I would say if you go with 4:30, then I think that having fans and cold drinks for the bus ride back will keep your guests happy! Is your FI ok with not having a Catholic ceremony? Or, can you get a Catholic priest to come to the hotel?

i am not opposed to having the ceremony at the hotel with our guests. however, then where/when do we do the religious ceremony? his parents really want to be there for that. it is REALLY important in the catholic faith to have your ceremony in the church. in certain parts of mexico, they will not under any circumstances allow you to marry outside of a sanctuary. cabo happens to be one of the ones where theyre pretty strict about it. jose absolutely refuses to do the ceremony at 4:30 because its going to be infernally hot. also, our reception dinner begins at 8 which is not able to be changed at this point, nor do we want to change it. the wedding mass is like an hour and fifteen minutes long, so yeah... we arent getting married in a non-air conditioned church at 4:30 in the afternoon and forced to get all sweaty and gross in our formalwear. also, wth would our guests do between 5:30 and 8 then? we would have to provide something with appetizers and cocktails, which we dont want to do.

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Originally Posted by Mrs.B 2008 oh maura i am sorry. do you speak fluent spanish? did he say that he definitely gave away the time? can you have FI's mom call back until she speaks with him and tell him the situation?

yes i am fluent, he most definitely gave away the time slot because he "did not have our documents", however I know he did because our priest here sent it and emailed me several days after to tell me it hadnt bounced back to him, so it went through. it doesnt matter if FI's mom calls and talks to the priest there because someone else already has the slot whether it's fair or not. the only person jose knows who has pull with the mexican catholic church is a friends' parents who are members of opus dei and we are just not comfortable getting involved with being indebted to them...

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Originally Posted by fogdog We did our Catholic ceremony at home after our Cabo wedding and the priest was totally fine with it. I'm sure if you chat with your priest about it he will accommodate you. Could I suggest...use the extra money you would have paid to do it in your church and fly your priest down there? He may want you to do a small ceremony in the actual church when you get home to make it official, but you can always consider your Mexico wedding your "real" day.

like i said above, the biggest reason for our DW was to have our religious ceremony there. we are (and had already planned) to fly jose's family priest to cabo to do the ceremony in the catholic church there. jose's mom asked the priest in mexico if our family priest could have permission to perform our ceremony at the hotel and she was told absolutely not under any circumstances would it be considered blessed and "legal" by the catholic church if we do it outside of the church.

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Originally Posted by JamaicaBride062108 Maura I'm so sorry! I'd be going through the roof if I were you. Will the hotel let you have a Catholic ceremony? I know that we could have arranged it at our resort in Jamaica. Is there another church nearby? Maybe the hotel could let you use the ballroom so you could set up an altar. At least it would be air-conditioned! The money you save could be used to make the room pretty. I'll send you happy thoughts while you work everything out. Keep us posted!

the hotel has no jurisdiction over whether you can or cannot have a catholic ceremony. the next closest church is too far away for us to realistically transport our guests roundtrip to and from the church.

Also, a bit of an update:I called our family priest this evening, and he suggested that what we do is try to reserve the church for Saturday morning and we can do a private mass with just our parents present. Then, in the early evening at the hotel, our family priest will do a vow renewal type ceremony for all our guests (but we would not tell our guests that it is not the real ceremony).

He suggested also that I send him the contact information for the Bishop of La Paz, which has jurisdiction over the parish of San Jose del Cabo and he will see what kind of strings he can pull if they will allow him to do the ceremony at the Westin so we don't have to have two ceremonies -- he said if not (which is the most likely scenario), then we keep the appointment for using the church on Saturday morning with our parents and that anything we do in the evening with our guests is none of the church's business, and he will perform that ceremony even if they tell him they don't approve it.

I need to call my FMIL in a little bit, but I am just so irritated we have spent so much time doing everything by the books for the catholic church because its important to our families that we get married in the church. and now after all that, its like we totally wasted our time. i refuse to let my FMIL bribe the church to pay to get our ceremony time back, which is likely what she will suggest. i just think that's ludicrous.

well....i'll keep you guys updated as this evolves, thanks for listening. it really helps to get this off my chest and discuss it, even if nothing is resolved here, it makes me feel a lot better.

[Betsy]

MAURA! I am so sorry you are going through this right now! It sounds like you are being very level-headed about the whole thing if that helps! I don't even know what to say right now just that I am sorry and I PRAY it gets better!

[JaimeLynne]

Your priest at home sounds awesome! Thank goodness you have him!!!! I think it sounds like things are going to work out one way or another with him on your side.

[Maura]

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Originally Posted by JaimeLynne Your priest at home sounds awesome! Thank goodness you have him!!!! I think it sounds like things are going to work out one way or another with him on your side.

the priest from home who is being so great is the one who is my FI's uncle through marriage. ready for this? FI's mother's brother married an american woman. it is her uncle, so i guess technically its like FI's second uncle through marriage. he's like 80 yrs old and has married all of jose's cousin and also officiated his grandmother's funeral last year in mexico city.

i originally wasnt incredibly keen on having him officiate due to some history (my FI was engaged to someone else 7 years before we met, and fr. jack was going to marry them before they found out she had been cheating on my FI and he broke it off immediately), but jose really pressed that it was important to him so i agreed -- and i am infinitely glad i did because he's incredibly sweet and helpful. and hopefully he can help us figure things out with what to do next.

[marip123]

I'm so sorry this has happened, but I'm glad you have lots of support, ideas , and help to make things work out.

[coreyphil]

Your priest's suggestion sounds like a perfect one. I have a hard time understanding the "technicalities" of the Catholic faith sometimes, but I completely understand why it is so important to you and Jose (and your family). You'll be in my prayers Maura ... I agree with Jaime, it will work out!

[michelle08]

Maura what a mess! I am so sorry and I really don't know what to say that hasn't already been covered.

 

keep us updated and if you need any help let us know....

[fogdog]

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Originally Posted by mauraw Also, a bit of an update:[/color]I called our family priest this evening, and he suggested that what we do is try to reserve the church for Saturday morning and we can do a private mass with just our parents present. Then, in the early evening at the hotel, our family priest will do a vow renewal type ceremony for all our guests (but we would not tell our guests that it is not the real ceremony).

I actually like the sounds of this! Given how important it is to you and your immediate family (and maybe not quite as much to friends, etc. - keeping in mind a Catholic mass can get long for those who do not practice) it could be really neat to get up early and start off your day with a more intimate and spiritual event with very close family. Then have brunch together after, part ways with your husband, and get ready for your party! You could wear a cute cotton sundress - a whole new wedding ensemble!

just trying to help you look on the brighter side of this mess

[starchild]

Yikes! Your priest does rock (funny background on him!). I think his solution is excellent. All I can suggest is to roll with the punches, but I understand your frustration!

 

And you're right, no ifs, ands, or buts about it....the Catholic church in Mexico will not "bless" a wedding outside of the church. It takes a small miracle to pull that off in the States. A family friend had an outdoor wedding done by a "renegade" cardinal in the 70s who had close ties to the family, but there is still talk that it isn't "official".

 

Kind of ironic considering that nature is God, and they say the people are the church...not to mention all the preaching Jesus did in the desert....but Jesus didn't make the rules. I could go on but I'm sure you are well aware

 

Good luck and if you end up doing the Catholic ceremony at home, I've been there and would be happy to assist )

[becks]

Oh Maura!!! I'm so sorry. What a headache! Let me know if there's anything we can do... petition the church... take up a collection so that you can "donate" it to the church in Cabo and see if they'll reschedule (actually, that's a pretty good idea!)

 

Keep your chin up. This will work out. And I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you!