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WTF is wrong with my FMIL?


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#11 becks

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Posted 24 January 2008 - 05:26 PM

Ugh. So tough...

And everyone has been right so far. FI NEEDS to step up and shut his mom down. Otherwise you're on a never ending cycle.

And if she brings up counselling again, I'd turn it around and ask her why it is that she thinks her son needs counselling to be a good husband. (hee)

But make FI step up on this one. It's his mom, and if he can't deal with her, you certainly shouldn't have to.

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#12 TammyB

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    Posted 24 January 2008 - 05:27 PM

    Trust me, she will not change. I know I need to learn to just not let my MIL get to me, this is going to be "really" hard. But when me and my MIL fight it does cause some problems with Cain and I. She is still his mother rather I like it or not and it's not really fair for me to ask him to pick sides or to try to put him in the middle. However you do need to set up some boundries before it gets worse... For us, she butts into EVERYTHING, when she lived with us she would open our mail, ask me if "my eggs were good" and no not the eggs in the fridge. So as you can imagine when it comes to his mother I usually don't allow her to talk to me like that. But my ex-mother in law helped me realize that nothing is going to change and that I'm just going to keep building up so much anger towards my MIL that it will wind up causing problems between Cain and I, and I refuse to that that women come inbetween us.. It's a huge learning experience and I'm fighting with it even today.. So when your FMIL says something or does something just try to let it roll off your back, if she is completly in the wrong then have your FI talk to her, because if you say anything she will just make it worse on you... TRUST ME..

    #13 Chiquita

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      Posted 24 January 2008 - 05:49 PM

      Are your eggs good?? Holy shit.. that's crazy!!! And going through your mail is just wrong.

      Anyways, hopefully you can talk to your FI about his meddling mother and just be firm and polite with her..

      #14 ErinB

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        Posted 24 January 2008 - 05:52 PM

        Tammy is right, FMIL will not change. My step-mom is the same way. You have to just learn how to ignore the off-hand remarks and move on. Stepmom isn't even coming to my wedding because I didn't ask step sister to be my MOH! You CANNOT reason with unreasonable people!

        You do need to stand up for yourself and so does your FH. This will only get worse when you have children.

        When someone asks me an inappropraite question I counter with , well why do you ask? or why is it important? most people don't want to explain that they are nosy/bitchy/malicious.

        #15 amandalovesryan

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          Posted 24 January 2008 - 05:58 PM

          i feel your pain! I hate passive-agressive people that make it seem like you are the idiot! Stick up for yourself! And tell him to stick up for you! Oh, and i agree with everyone else, don't send her anything else! Who cares what she thinks! it is our opinion that matters... he he Good Luck!

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          #16 Maura

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          Posted 24 January 2008 - 06:00 PM

          Quote:
          Originally Posted by AlmostMrsForbes
          You are so right. I'm so assertive with people in my everyday life, and wouldn't put up with this for a second ... from anyone else. I guess I've just been holding onto the hope that I could end up having a decent relationship with her. Then again, maybe that will happen if I set up some boundaries, and let her know when she's crossed them.

          And no, she's not paying for the wedding. She basically said since there wouldn't be any rehearsal dinner (at least not one that costs $) her obligations were fulfilled. FI asked her if she wanted to contribute to the cost of our reception (we're having it at an off-site restaurant) and she was all indignant - saying that it's not "tradition" for the groom's family to pay for anything like that. Whatever. She can keep her money.

          omg. "obligations fulfilled" and "not tradition for grooms parents to pay for anything" --- what a BEOTCH! seems like she's just dying to get on your nerves at every freaking chance she gets. you can tell her your friend maura's FMIL is footing the entire bill for our wedding in cabo because when you love your children and you have money, that's what you do, offer it to them if they need it. your FMIL is just an indignant, snotty butt-er-inner!


          #17 DanielleNDerek

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            Posted 24 January 2008 - 06:00 PM

            I agree with all the other girls. FI needs to stand up to his mom. If you do it you'll probably just make it worse. And if she keeps acting like this you're going to flip on her when you reach your breaking point. FI needs to put an end to this.

            And I also agree with you not including her anymore with any wedding related things. You gave her a chance to be involved and she was a b**** about it so forget her from now on!
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            #18 AlmostMrsForbes

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              Posted 24 January 2008 - 06:14 PM

              oh - i lheart you girls! here's another super-nice thing she said: when i said that my family/friends were all working on getting their passports - she replied in her usual snotty tone "what kind of people don't have passports."

              she is from the UK, and travels internationally a lot. i think she's just an unhappy person.

              #19 jajajaja

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                Posted 24 January 2008 - 06:51 PM

                Ugh. I hate these type of people. What makes her think she is just so special she can act like that?

                I agree with everyone. Cut her out of wedding stuff- she deserves it after the way she acts. AND make your FI stand up for you. That crap has to stop or it may get to the point where you can't stand being around eachother. That's not an easy task once kids get involved.
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                #20 Maura

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                Posted 24 January 2008 - 07:18 PM

                Quote:
                Originally Posted by AlmostMrsForbes
                oh - i lheart you girls! here's another super-nice thing she said: when i said that my family/friends were all working on getting their passports - she replied in her usual snotty tone "what kind of people don't have passports."

                she is from the UK, and travels internationally a lot. i think she's just an unhappy person.
                suddenly things make a little more sense now that you say shes from the UK must be her stiff upper lip! haha, just kidding, not all people from the UK have a stick up their butt like her.

                and dont feel bad about the passport crack. my dad doesnt have one, hes 58 and has never traveled abroad. he called me at work today to ask questions about it because he doesnt know what to do!




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