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WTF is wrong with my FMIL?


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#1 AlmostMrsForbes

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    Posted 24 January 2008 - 04:34 PM

    OK - let me start by saying that there is no love lost between my FMIL and I. We "get along" but everything she says is passive-aggressive or a back-handed compliment. Some of you girls might remember her antic sending a Christmas card to our home but only addressed to FI.

    Anyways, in the spirit of including her in the wedding, I forwarded her a proof of my invites (beautiful - thanks to prim & pixie - will post soon!). She immediately calls on the phone, and starts nit-picking them. "Why did I do this? Why didn't I try that?" You get the picture.

    Then, she talking away ... mainly about nothing ... and stops to ask whether FI and I have talked about/considered pre-marital counseling. Are you freaking serious? And ... she's not religious, so her concern is not coming from there. I am so annoyed at this point. All I could do is stammer something about having to get off the phone, etc. I didn't even stand up to her or call her out on it. I feel like I never stand up to her because she is FI's mother, etc.

    I just can't get over this. It is ruining my whole day ... do you ladies think I'm overreacting?

    Thanks for listening!

    #2 Yari

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      Posted 24 January 2008 - 04:36 PM

      I don't think you are overreacting at all.

      I am sorry to hear you are going through this, it is unfair. You should speak with your FI about it and perhaps he can talk to her and tell her to back off.

      Good luck!

      #3 AlmostMrsForbes

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        Posted 24 January 2008 - 04:38 PM

        Thanks! You're right ... my FI needs to step in. This is ridiculous. If anyone in my family was ever rude to him - they'd hear about it - from me!

        #4 TammyB

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          Posted 24 January 2008 - 04:38 PM

          Well for what it's worth you are a bigger person then I' am... I have a MIL that is like yours and we butt heads all the time...

          #5 CarrieRN

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            Posted 24 January 2008 - 04:40 PM

            I agree with Yari. Also, just stop feeling the need to include her. I try that with my stepmom and somehow always end up on the sh*t list! If including her is going to make you more stressed out and miserable about your wedding, then she doesn't need to be included on the details. You can always play dumb and pretend you thought you sent stuff to her! Did we get to see the proof of your invite yet?
            http://i236.photobuc....m/IMG_1472.jpg
            Philip at 1 yr old. Go Steelers!
            Soon I will get to post wedding pics, figure I should get some more Philip in first!

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            #6 AlmostMrsForbes

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              Posted 24 January 2008 - 04:42 PM

              Not yet - I'm so happy with them. I have just now sent in my deposit. i'm going to see if I can upload the pics to the forum.

              #7 Alyssa

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                Posted 24 January 2008 - 04:42 PM

                yeah i would definitley stop including her, definitely (gently) talk to FI about it and maybe have a conversation with her next time she does those things. if you don't start sticking up for yourself you are going to wind up exploding on her and that will most likely be much worse!

                #8 AlmostMrsForbes

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                  Posted 24 January 2008 - 04:46 PM

                  good point - I will end up exploding. No one will win the, though, because my concerns will not be rational, and God knows what else will come out of my mouth! :-0

                  #9 Maura

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                  Posted 24 January 2008 - 05:04 PM

                  Quote:
                  Originally Posted by AlmostMrsForbes
                  Anyways, in the spirit of including her in the wedding, I forwarded her a proof of my invites (beautiful - thanks to prim & pixie - will post soon!). She immediately calls on the phone, and starts nit-picking them. "Why did I do this? Why didn't I try that?" You get the picture.
                  Is she paying for your wedding? It was good-hearted of you to try to include her even though she keeps screwing with you. But STOP. There is no amount of including her that is going to change the way she acts. It's YOUR wedding, these are YOUR invitations (which i'm excited to see!). Call her back and tell her thanks but no thanks for the opinion. They're done and you were just showing her because you were trying to include her. End of story. Oftentimes, family members especially, think you showing them something wedding related that's basically done means that you are asking for their opinion. You aren't, you're just saying here, this is what it is. Just showing you in advance. If they don't like it they should keep their mouths shut. I had this problem with my dad criticizing my photographer choice because we picked a photojournalist style and my dad wanted traditional posed photos, which FI and i HATE.

                  Quote:
                  Originally Posted by AlmostMrsForbes
                  Then, she talking away ... mainly about nothing ... and stops to ask whether FI and I have talked about/considered pre-marital counseling. Are you freaking serious? And ... she's not religious, so her concern is not coming from there. I am so annoyed at this point. All I could do is stammer something about having to get off the phone, etc. I didn't even stand up to her or call her out on it. I feel like I never stand up to her because she is FI's mother, etc.
                  You really need to get your FI to talk to his mom. Why can FIs never control their mothers when it comes to wedding stuff? They need to just tell their moms to shut up and smile, because the mom already got her own wedding!

                  Second issue -- why the F would she bring up premarital counseling? Especially if it wasnt a suggestion for religious premarital counseling (like in the catholic church, we do pre-cana and you meet several times with your priest just to discuss marriage basically). Girl, I hate to say it but you gotta grow a pair when you talk to his mom. You have to stand up for yourself now, or else she's going to continue to treat you like crap and walk all over your feelings for the rest of her life.

                  #10 AlmostMrsForbes

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                    Posted 24 January 2008 - 05:14 PM

                    You are so right. I'm so assertive with people in my everyday life, and wouldn't put up with this for a second ... from anyone else. I guess I've just been holding onto the hope that I could end up having a decent relationship with her. Then again, maybe that will happen if I set up some boundaries, and let her know when she's crossed them.

                    And no, she's not paying for the wedding. She basically said since there wouldn't be any rehearsal dinner (at least not one that costs $) her obligations were fulfilled. FI asked her if she wanted to contribute to the cost of our reception (we're having it at an off-site restaurant) and she was all indignant - saying that it's not "tradition" for the groom's family to pay for anything like that. Whatever. She can keep her money. My parents have been so wonderful, and love FI like a son. I'm just thankful for that.

                    Thanks so much, girls! I don't know what I'd do without this site! I'd probably be on the phone bitching to my poor mom! :-)




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