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Bad news just flew into town... *UPDATED*

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#21 StephanieMN

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    Posted 18 January 2008 - 06:24 PM

    Wow you guys are on top of this--I am thinking I answered you all then I see something more.

    Angela, He was put in for selling Cocaine (something like that) and was on probation and was put back in for hitting is GF. If I understand correctly he was in a work house.
    I initally congratulated her and told her I wasn't sure how to respond that I was kind of shocked.

    #22 ACDCDCAC

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    Posted 18 January 2008 - 06:30 PM

    Wow Steph, not that any time would be good for news like this, but this timing REALLY sucks! I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Remember we are here, your virtual shoulders to cry on! Keep us updated, we'll all be thinking about you.

    #23 jajajaja

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      Posted 18 January 2008 - 06:39 PM

      Oh wow Stephanie. I'm truly sorry. What a horrible situation. I'm sorry, but I would definitely watch your mom for forms of abuse reformed man or not. My own father (who I'm not in contact with) abused my mother for 11 years and then continued to abuse every woman he was with there after even though he profusely apologized for the abuse he put my mother through. This is a VERY tough cycle to break.

      Please do an extensive background check. I'm not sure if this would do much good to convince your mom to back out of an engagement, because she already knows about his cocaine dealings and jail time. Just offer your mom support, because you don't want her feeling that HE is the only one there for her should things begin to go downhill.

      Again, I'm so sorry for you. My heart breaks for you.
      Happily married since 2008

      #24 jmhein

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        Posted 18 January 2008 - 06:44 PM

        My heart goes out to you! And I agree with everything Claire said, your mom should be proceeding with CAUTION and not letting her heart get in the way of her head.
        My question is, what's the RUSH If he is pushing for a speedy wedding, WHY? Does your mom have money that he gains access to once they're married? Can you convince her to get a prenup? Definitely do that background check!
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        #25 AMANDA310

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          Posted 18 January 2008 - 06:47 PM

          OMG!! I would be freaking out! Which means you have every right to freak out too....I mean, it's YOUR mom. I'm sure she would do the same if the roles were reversed, right? So hopefully she understands your concern & I really hope that this guy proves to be a changed man for your families sake.
          Good luck & hang in there.....

          Thomas & I

          #26 StephanieMN

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            Posted 18 January 2008 - 06:54 PM

            You girls are really wonderful! My mom has no money but the reason he got upset with her before was because she wouldn't give her any $$. I don't know too much about why they want to get married so quickly and I am hoping my older sister talked to her and got more information than I did. I am the more "sensitive" of the two of us so she is more likely to think with her brain and ask more questions. I think we all need to sit down with her and find out why there is a hurried feel about it.
            Claire-thanks a million for your kind words. Chris and I have a very healthy relationship and are going slow to build a foundation. It appears as if my mother is buliding a house of hay ( the 3 little pigs)

            #27 Allaballa

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              Posted 18 January 2008 - 06:54 PM

              I would be very careful if I were you at how you approach this situation with your mother. If he is manipulative then he will turn around any action you and your sister take into you guys just not wanting her to be with another man and therefore blocking her from being happy.

              Perhaps suggestions such as prenup, meeting his family etc will be good.

              Also, if there is a family member whom your mom trusts maybe they can talk some sense into her.

              Besides why get married? Why so soon? Whats the rush? I think these are the questions to pose to your mom. And make it seem like you are not agaist him but just afraid as you don't know him or his family.

              #28 Jessalyn

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                Posted 18 January 2008 - 06:55 PM

                Wow! That is really horrible. I agree that you are not over-reacting in the least! I'd be upset, nervous and scared too.

                You've got a lot of great advice already.... I'll keep you and your family in my thoughts.
                My new man....Donovan

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                #29 StephanieMN

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                  Posted 18 January 2008 - 06:57 PM

                  I have been trying to figure out who I can get to talk to my mother but she has pushed so many people away. No one (other than my sisters, chris and my BIL) has meet the guy. I wasn't even all that sure, a few days ago, if I wanted him at our wedding!

                  We all know this situation needs to be handled with kid gloves.

                  #30 jean-marcus

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                    Posted 18 January 2008 - 07:02 PM

                    holy crapola....i wouldnt even know where to start with that one. is she just really lonely or is he just that persuasive and manipulative? im all for second chances but doesnt sound like a super great position she is putting herslef in. then again i dont konw him so not sure waht to say. maybe he is a changed man....

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