To Invite...or Not Invite? Advice needed!!! :)

Hi everyone!

This forum/site has been very helpful to me in my planning so far and I am hoping some of you lovely ladies could help me out....I'm in need of some advice from some other pre and post destination wedding brides!

Here's the situation...

The date is set and invitations are ready to go out.  My fiance and I both want a rather small group of people coming.....those who are close to us and who we would like to enjoy a week of fun in the sun with!  For the most part, we've agreed on who we've wanted to attend....except for one person.

I'm going to try to avoid sounding petty and whiney....We both grew up with this woman.  He had a positive relationship with her and his parents and her parent are (and continue to be best friends).  I have had a negative relationship with her----nothing major----we just don't click.  She hasn't been nice to some of my family members in the past and she is constantly seeking attention and annoying (to me).

We see this girl and her husband in group settings approximately once per year (as most).  Neither my FI and I keep in contact with them throughout the year.

His parents and her parents are very close and they are being invited to the wedding.

The dilema:  He would like to invite "her" and her husband but I do not.  This is causing more friction in our relationship than I would like it to.  Ultimately, I believe that he should support me given that I will not be comfortable or happy spending a week with her.  While I understand that they grew up on the same street and that their parents are friends I do not understand why it is so important that they be invited (especially since it will indefinitely make me unhappy the week of our wedding.

Has anyone been through any similar experiences (feeling pressured to invite people that you do not want to spend a week with)?!  I'm sure you have!

Any advice on what to do would be greatly appriciated!

Thanks!

Honey I think we've all experienced it in one way or another, including myself. I would say u should remind him of what u both agreed on - a rather small wedding with those you are close with and want to spend a week with. This woman does not sound like someone you are both close with, given you only see and speak to her about 1x a year. If she has done negative mean things to your family members, especially if they also will be there I think it'd be uncomfortable for them as well as you. As the bride, I def wouldn't want her there! Have the convo with him & explain this in a non-argumentative tone if you can help it. Just be prepared to get sh*t from his parents about not inviting their friend's daughter. It will be awkward but oh well, it's YOUR wedding and should be about what you and your FI want. Good luck!

I agree with the above post.  We also had a problem very similar to this one.  My fiance and I discussed keeping it small and we don't like drama or stress, so anyone that would cause that for either of us would not be invited.  BOTTOM LINE! We have stayed with our plan and not blinked an eye because we are more important to each other than anyone we could invite.

Thanks so much for the feedback ladies!  Having a destination wedding was supposed to be stress-free!

FIFAbride, what has been the response from family and friends in taking this approach with the invites?
 

I have to disagree with the two above posters.  Honestly, you should be mature enough to handle being around someone you don't click with, especially if that person's family is important to your fiancé's family.  This is not about your fiancé not supporting you, it's about you being inflexible. 

From what you described, it sounds like it would be majorly awkward to invite her parents and NOT invite her.  If your dislike of her is mutual, then she may not even attend.  Even if she does attend, you can just stay away from her for the week of your wedding.  Sit next to other people at meals, don't engage in conversation beyond polite small talk, etc.  Just choose not to engage.  You will be in a beautiful vacation spot, why would you ruin that by letting yourself be annoyed by someone?

For my destination wedding, there are a couple of people invited that I either feel neutral about or flat-out dislike.  I am really, really hoping these people choose not to attend.  But they are important to either my fiancé or our families, so no matter what, I will put up with it and be a gracious host. 

P.S. Sorry if I sound harsh. I don't mean to berate you, as I'm sure you're a lovely person, but sometimes even the best of us needs a little honesty.

Thanks for your feedback too.  Honesty and any feedback is much appreciated (in any form!).  I keep going back and forth between the two "positions" as well...it's been a struggle. 

It's reassuring, however, to know that people have been in the same (or similar) position and to have some insight into how they handled the situation and how they feel/felt about the outcome/consequences of their decision.

Originally Posted by newbiebridetobe 

 

Thanks so much for the feedback ladies!  Having a destination wedding was supposed to be stress-free!

 

FIFAbride, what has been the response from family and friends in taking this approach with the invites?

 

There was no discussion with anyone about specifics on why people were or were not invited.  We told our families who was invited and that was it.  This day is about US.  No other day get to be about us.  That  means we get to be a little selfish.  Neither of us wants the trip or day to be stressful or uneasy.  Just my personal opinion that you should not feel obligated to invite anyone.  The event is not about them.  It's your day so share with whom you wish to.

Well said! If someone is going to make you feel uncomfortable on your big day or on the vacation surrounding your big day, don't invite them! There shouldn't be a giult trip in the world big enough to make a bride or groom sacrifice their comfort and/or happiness on their big day!

Originally Posted by FIFAbride 

 

There was no discussion with anyone about specifics on why people were or were not invited.  We told our families who was invited and that was it.  This day is about US.  No other day get to be about us.  That  means we get to be a little selfish.  Neither of us wants the trip or day to be stressful or uneasy.  Just my personal opinion that you should not feel obligated to invite anyone.  The event is not about them.  It's your day so share with whom you wish to.

I agree with most of the girls here, I would not invite this person, and your fiance should understand why you do not want her there.  This day is very important to every bride and the less stress you have on the day of and even the week of, the better!  Unless his parents are paying for the whole wedding, I do not see any reason they should be offended if this person is not invited, family friend or not. Its your wedding, not theirs.  We are only inviting people who support both of us as a couple.  If this person is not supportive of both of you, that's where the decision should be made.  

Having a DW to me is so you can have the most important people in your lives share in your day.