Morbid Question ~ But Need Advice!

I know this is morbid question, but I'm having a very hard time with how to word our invitations.

Here is the deal: Both my mother and my fiances' parents are contributing to our wedding, so we want to have both parents names on the invitation. Sadly, my fiances' mother is terminally ill, and I know that etiquette says that a deceased person shouldn't be listed as a host on an invitation (I know she is alive now, but by the time invitations are ordered, received, addressed, and sent out, that could change), but I also don't want to totally assume anything either way...................................

Has anybody dealt with a similar situation, or have any advice on the topic?? 

Do you have a good relationship with his mom? Maybe talk to her about it? If not I would probably say screw etiquette and put her name on anyways. Or maybe use wording like "hosted by the parents of (his and your names)"

I would order them with her name. Im sure you have alreday felt about how she would feel if you ordered them without and even if she passes before the wedding.. screw what etiquette says, his moms happiness and feelings are more important. shes not dead and could still very well be there with you.

She has early-onset Alzheimer's so she can't really contribute an opinion. And I am definitely on board with screwing etiquette, because we want her name to be on the invitation (which is kind of poo-pooed from what I can find), but I'm just wondering if there are any "better" ways to word things than the traditional examples. Thanks for your thoughts, I appreciate them. 

on our invites we are not even listing our parents, they simpley state that we are inviting everyone. Ive seen many invites done this way. I have a thread on here with my first rough drafts of my diy invites if you wanna check it out

we used a "together with their families, bride & groom invite you.." type wording - maybe a variation of that would work better for you? 

Originally Posted by LTLFAITHY 

She has early-onset Alzheimer's so she can't really contribute an opinion. And I am definitely on board with screwing etiquette, because we want her name to be on the invitation (which is kind of poo-pooed from what I can find), but I'm just wondering if there are any "better" ways to word things than the traditional examples. Thanks for your thoughts, I appreciate them. 

My opinion is even if she didn't have an onset of Alzheimer's you STILL shouldn't ask her opinion. I wouldn't even ask ur fiancées opinion, it's his mom! Imagine how hurtful that would for either of them to hear ur considering not putting her name on it because she may or not be gone by the time the wedding comes around. I say screw the whole etiquette thing. If u know prior to her becoming ill and while she still had a sane mind she loved you and welcomed you into her family, then she absolutely deserves for her name to be on that invitation. If she is gone when ur big day comes around, you'll know she is with you both in spirit and is celebrating along with everyone else. And, you can incorporate her memory into ur ceremony or reception. Good luck!

Wow I am so sorry for what you guys are going through. My fiance's mom also has early onset Alzheimer's and I worry a lot about her condition as we head into the wedding. We really want her to have fun on the trip and enjoy the time she has with our family but it's really hard to know where she will be in 1 1/2 years. We are bringing my future Brother In Law and his GF to help out on the cruise and ensure that MIL is taken care of and having a good time.  

For our invites we are not really saying anything about the parents....we're paying for it all anyways so it isn't necessary and we don't want to get into all the step parents etc. 

Good luck with everything and no matter what I am sure you will find the right wording for you and your family. 

I guess I didn’t do a very good job at really explaining the situation. Early-onset Alzheimer’s does not mean that she is in the early stages of the disease; it is when the onset of the disease is before the age of 65. She was diagnosed almost 6 years ago, and today is in the very advanced stages of the disease. She is literally, cognitively unable to even answer the most basic yes or no questions – and even if she could formulate an opinion on something she has lost all ability to communicate, she can’t speak, write, even blink to respond yes or no. So like I said earlier, it’s not that I am not considering her opinion, it is that she literally does not have the ability to have one.

And I was trying to maintain a somewhat positive attitude with the question, but medically I am certain that she will not be alive by the time invitations are sent out. I am positive of this.

So my question wasn’t whether it would be hurtful to not have her name on the invitation, whether she deserves to be on the invitation, etc. I was simply looking for advice on how others who had lost a parent or parent-in-law incorporated their name on the invitation…………………………..

I think if you really want to have parents names on the invites, then just do it, include her on them and if she has passed by the time your mailing them, oh well, people will understand. The other route is to go with a non-traditional invite (passport style) and not include parents names at all. That way the crazy etiquette obsessed family members won't even notice that parents names were not included.