MOH and Bridesmaids

I know who I would like to stand up in my wedding and I plan on getting married in the DR sometime in January 2013. My dilemma is that my MOH might not be able to go as she is working on having a baby soon. I also do not know out of my Bridemaids who will for sure be going yet. Do I still ask the girls that I want to stand up, even if I do not know if they are going? How long should I wait?

I also do not want someone, who may not have the money to go, feel completley obligated if I ask them to stand up.

How did everyone else do this? I am so excited about finally getting marrie and enjoying an amazing vacation with my friends that I want to ask them ASAP.

Thoughts?

Any suggestions are helpful. Or any personal stories on how any of you handled this! Thanks again!

I was in the same boat as you.  What i ended up doing was verbally announcing the fact that we were going to be doing a DW.  I asked my sister to be my MOH since I knew she would be coming. I then asked another close friend after i was pretty positive she was coming. I waited on asking anyone else as i did not want them to feel obligated. Well my good friend ended up getting pregnant and is due right around our wedding.  My fiance asked his guys and out of 4 one is going the 3 others are not, one is the husband of my expecting friend.   Anyway my fiance did not want to ask others that we now know are going because he didnt want them to feel like second choice etc.  we ended up just going with a MOH and Bestman.  Our group is small so i feel everyone will be involved and around anyways.

Originally Posted by ntlsnow 

I know who I would like to stand up in my wedding and I plan on getting married in the DR sometime in January 2013. My dilemma is that my MOH might not be able to go as she is working on having a baby soon. I also do not know out of my Bridemaids who will for sure be going yet. Do I still ask the girls that I want to stand up, even if I do not know if they are going? How long should I wait?

I also do not want someone, who may not have the money to go, feel completley obligated if I ask them to stand up.

How did everyone else do this? I am so excited about finally getting marrie and enjoying an amazing vacation with my friends that I want to ask them ASAP.

Thoughts?

See, that is exactly how I feel. I do not want to ask certain people I want to stand up, find out they are not going, and then pick "the backups". I would never want anyone to feel like the backups. I think I am going to try to do what you did and wait a while or at least until I have a for sure date. I would like to keep it small as well, but on the other hand there are friends I want to stand up for sure. Sigh...is anything about planning a DW not stressful? lol. I really appreciate the advice!

 

Originally Posted by vbbbtk 

I was in the same boat as you.  What i ended up doing was verbally announcing the fact that we were going to be doing a DW.  I asked my sister to be my MOH since I knew she would be coming. I then asked another close friend after i was pretty positive she was coming. I waited on asking anyone else as i did not want them to feel obligated. Well my good friend ended up getting pregnant and is due right around our wedding.  My fiance asked his guys and out of 4 one is going the 3 others are not, one is the husband of my expecting friend.   Anyway my fiance did not want to ask others that we now know are going because he didnt want them to feel like second choice etc.  we ended up just going with a MOH and Bestman.  Our group is small so i feel everyone will be involved and around anyways.

 

 

That sounds like a good plan.  I would wait get your date and resort picked out and then go from there and see what everyone is saying and if people book etc and go from there.  Good Luck!
 

Originally Posted by ntlsnow 

See, that is exactly how I feel. I do not want to ask certain people I want to stand up, find out they are not going, and then pick "the backups". I would never want anyone to feel like the backups. I think I am going to try to do what you did and wait a while or at least until I have a for sure date. I would like to keep it small as well, but on the other hand there are friends I want to stand up for sure. Sigh...is anything about planning a DW not stressful? lol. I really appreciate the advice!

 

 

I'm pretty much at the same place as you right now. Even though I have already started telling  people about our plans for a DW, I will wait until I see who has real plans to attend before making a final decision about who to ask. 
 

Originally Posted by ntlsnow 

I know who I would like to stand up in my wedding and I plan on getting married in the DR sometime in January 2013. My dilemma is that my MOH might not be able to go as she is working on having a baby soon. I also do not know out of my Bridemaids who will for sure be going yet. Do I still ask the girls that I want to stand up, even if I do not know if they are going? How long should I wait?

I also do not want someone, who may not have the money to go, feel completley obligated if I ask them to stand up.

How did everyone else do this? I am so excited about finally getting marrie and enjoying an amazing vacation with my friends that I want to ask them ASAP.

Thoughts?

Thank you again vbbbtk. I appreciate the advice! I will need that good luck.

Favorsmr - I am glad to see someone else is having these issues as well, it is great to know that. I don't feel so alone in having to make this decision. I think when I started planning this, I just had these ideas and pictured certain people there and everything initially, without really knowing who could go and if they could or could not go. Being 27, I have many close friends working on babies or their own weddings so it kind of makes things difficult. Good luck with your decision as well. I will be waiting until I have a date and hotel picked out and then I will ask. I will let you know what happens! Let me know how yours goes as well. :-)

I'm in the same boat! I know we are having a destination wedding, and others are aware, but at this point we don't know who is coming since we don't even have a date/hotel picked out. I have a group of 3 girlfriends and we are all close, but realistically, I doubt all three of them will be coming. I would love it if they were, but I am fully prepared for the fact that they may not be able to.

What my FI and I have done, is we have one couple that are without a doubt coming no matter where, when, or how much the wedding is. It's his childhood best friend, and his wife, who I've become very close with over the past couple of years - so we are going to have the two of them stand up for us. This way we have at least two people standing up with us, and I am just going to be flexible (or try to be!) with everyone else.

I am going to ask my three girls, but make it clear to them that I understand that they may not be able to come, and there are no hard feelings at ALL. I plan on being flexible about BM dresses (pick a colour, they pick the dress), so even if they decided at the last minute to come, they could join the wedding party. I suppose I also have to be flexible as far as not being concerned about the numbers matching up on both sides....there may be more on my fiances side, than on mine, or vice-versa.

This is something I've struggled with, and I hope it ends up working out ok!

I'll let you know how it goes! Good luck to you as well.  I know everything will be fine (for both of us), no matter what happens.

 

Originally Posted by ntlsnow 

Thank you again vbbbtk. I appreciate the advice! I will need that good luck.

 

Favorsmr - I am glad to see someone else is having these issues as well, it is great to know that. I don't feel so alone in having to make this decision. I think when I started planning this, I just had these ideas and pictured certain people there and everything initially, without really knowing who could go and if they could or could not go. Being 27, I have many close friends working on babies or their own weddings so it kind of makes things difficult. Good luck with your decision as well. I will be waiting until I have a date and hotel picked out and then I will ask. I will let you know what happens! Let me know how yours goes as well. :-)

I think the flexibility and understanding will be key in planning this destination wedding! So very true!

 

Originally Posted by Dominican Ally 

I'm in the same boat! I know we are having a destination wedding, and others are aware, but at this point we don't know who is coming since we don't even have a date/hotel picked out. I have a group of 3 girlfriends and we are all close, but realistically, I doubt all three of them will be coming. I would love it if they were, but I am fully prepared for the fact that they may not be able to.

 

What my FI and I have done, is we have one couple that are without a doubt coming no matter where, when, or how much the wedding is. It's his childhood best friend, and his wife, who I've become very close with over the past couple of years - so we are going to have the two of them stand up for us. This way we have at least two people standing up with us, and I am just going to be flexible (or try to be!) with everyone else.

 

I am going to ask my three girls, but make it clear to them that I understand that they may not be able to come, and there are no hard feelings at ALL. I plan on being flexible about BM dresses (pick a colour, they pick the dress), so even if they decided at the last minute to come, they could join the wedding party. I suppose I also have to be flexible as far as not being concerned about the numbers matching up on both sides....there may be more on my fiances side, than on mine, or vice-versa.

 

This is something I've struggled with, and I hope it ends up working out ok!