desiredusername

I think you are very wise in your decision. I am an estranged family member (not a parent or grandparent of either the bride or groom), and just today I received a cheezy "save the date" glossy photo, with promise of a formal invitation to follow. First of all, I think the "save the date" is rather presumptuous of any couple -- oh yes, I am going to stop the world to make sure your wedding is on my calendar, yes, sirree...NOT. However, as an estranged family member, I am thoroughly annoyed that the pre-invite was sent to me and my husband in the first place. You are exactly right, you should surround yourself on your wedding day with people who have been there for one or both of you, who are there because they "get" you and will rejoice and celebrate with you. I mean, why bring a family rift -- bad vibes - to a celebration? I have read on etiquette websites this evening that IF one is considering inviting estranged relatives, approach them about it directly, feel out the situation first. It may well be an opportunity for family healing, but why risk various alternatives? Well done, bride-to-be! Many years of marital bliss to you and your intended.