CoCo Malec

Thank you both for the replies, I really needed to hear that. I've been upset all week and you have made me feel much better.

I'm unsure how to feel about the way my parents are reacting to my fiancé and I wanting a destination wedding. It would really help and make me feel better to hear what other people have to say about it. Since I was very young my parents have been telling my two sister and I that they would give us each $10,000 for a wedding - it was talked about very openly. I always said I would want a small wedding and now that I have a fiancé and we are saving money for school the $10,000 sounds like a blessing. My fiancé Jim and I are less traditional then the rest of my family. We moved to Europe together after only knowing each other for 4 months, lived in Vienna for a few months, then back home for a bit and now currently live in the Czech Republic. We'll be back in the states in October after a nice long bag-packing trip then we plan on going back to collage. As you can see we love to travel, so the whole destination wedding thing really suits us. When Jim and I started talking about a destination wedding my parents were against it from the start, but never actually said no. My parents did managed to get us to consider having a wedding in our home town in Florida, but of-course things turned sour quickly. We said we wanted around 50 guest and they were adamant on having the same 30 friends come to our wedding that they had invited to my sisters wedding of 150 people, so we bumped the guest list up to 100. A $10,000 wedding is pretty tough to plan with 100 people and we were having to sacrifice things that were important to us to complicate for all the people, and before I knew it didn't even feel like my wedding anymore. We decided to switch back to our original destination wedding idea. We were thinking the Florida Keys or Petoskey, Michigan (Jim's home town). With the Florida Keys we were thinking keep it close so no one has to buy airline tickets - We made the guest list only 18 people, all immediate family and started looking into things. Once again my parents threw us for a loop. If at the Keys they wanted to invite 8 - 10 friends and there was no saying no - their money. I felt like adding those people (who by the way don't show us any respect, I think because of how we live) ruins the balance of everything; having 1/3 of the guest be their friends especially when we aren't even inviting our friends. It's literally just siblings, sibling in laws and parents. So again it was quickly turning into a different wedding. I do feel a bit torn, part of me feels like I should give a bit since they are paying so much, which I really am thankful for, but the other part of me feels like they are using the money to control how we have our wedding. They will not budge on there friends they say "weddings are for parents and friends who have supported the kids their whole lives", and we can't have a conversation about it because they just so "no" adamantly. I feel like a child being told I can't go to my friends house. They want one wedding and we wont something totally different. Petoskey, Michigan was what really did us in. We researched and found out that we could have the 18 family member come, pay for a place for them to stay, have our dream wedding, and a nice vacation with the whole family. We were looking into activities that everyone could do together that we would also be able to pay for, all for under $7,000. The only problem was we would have to make the wedding sooner then we'd expected since it gets cold so quickly in northern Michigan. We were thinking late July or August. We personally liked the idea of bumping the wedding up since we had delayed planning to wait for my sisters wedding to end because there was some bad feelings with her on that. I was naive to think my family would go for it with all that’s been said, but I was thinking it's just my younger sister, parents, older sister with her husband plus possibly one Aunt and uncle, the quickness shouldn't be a problem. This is when s**t hit the fan. My father said it was coming up way to fast and he wouldn't pay for it and he also ran it by other people in the family and they said it was a horrible idea and they wouldn't be able to put time aside for it either. (by the way coming up with the $10,000 isn't the problem it's already put aside) He also said he doesn't see the point in us dragging the whole family to some random small town in Michigan and of-course how disappointed the family is. Also he would be very hesitant to suport this even if we did change the date to next summer. Jim and I have decided to turn the money down and have the wedding in Michigan as planned next summer and pay for it ourselves, but now I know my whole family hates my wedding idea and wont be able to enjoy it. Plus I'm hurt my whole family said they wouldn't want to come to it if it was this year. I hate that this has turned into such a money thing and I'm sad the money was never for me like I thought, it was actually always for them and their friends. Plus it's hard to be the different one that everyone can talk about and feel the same about and say all the same things about because they are the same. Am I the ridiculous one like my whole family says or is this as sad to you as it is to me? Please be honest.

Thanks everyone!

Hi everyone My name is Nicole and my fiancé is Jim. We currently live in the Czech Republic, though are both originally from the states - him northern Michigan, me west coast of Florida. We are just in the beginning stages of planning and are thinking of have the wedding in July 2011 in Petoskey, Michigan (his home town though no one in his immediate family lives there anymore). So far planning has been hell. I found this website while researching people having parent issues about their destination weddings and was hoping for advise and encouragement. Thanks and I look forward to getting to know everyone. ~Nicole